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Getting out of the car

Isobelle

New member
Sep 18, 2020
2
My husband has started refusing to get out of the car. This is outside church, his brother’s house and the local garden centre just to mention places that were very familiar to him. 90% of the time he will get out outside our home ok.

Any advice please
Thanks
Isobelle
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
4,864
Nottinghamshire
Hello lsobelle and welcome to DTP

Is your husband struggling to get out of the car or does he just not want to? I'm wondering if he might be feeling embarrassed because he can't get out very easily.
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
953
High Peak
Getting in or out of a car is actually pretty complicated. We normally do it 'on autopilot' just as walking up or down stairs but if your autopilot is broken and you have to plan each movement separately, it becomes extremely difficult.

Getting my mum, who was by then walking with a frame, from standing to sitting in a chair became increasingly hard. I had to tell her every little step - 'No, turn round so you're facing away from the chair, no, all the way round, yes, ok, stop! Right, now take a step backwards, no not that way, backwards! Yes, now another step until you can feel the edge of the chair against your legs. No don't turn round again!' And so it would go on, even with much assistance she simply couldn't work out how to get there.

So maybe with your husband it's a combination of that and perhaps fear. Whilst in the car he at least feels safe. It is a known thing. But getting out makes him anxious. Perhaps he no longer recognises those familiar places like his brother's house or even the church. It might feel like stepping into the unknown. But when you are outside your house, it still looks familiar to him and his autopilot kicks in again.

Just my thoughts - it's all very difficult.
 

Isobelle

New member
Sep 18, 2020
2
Getting in or out of a car is actually pretty complicated. We normally do it 'on autopilot' just as walking up or down stairs but if your autopilot is broken and you have to plan each movement separately, it becomes extremely difficult.

Getting my mum, who was by then walking with a frame, from standing to sitting in a chair became increasingly hard. I had to tell her every little step - 'No, turn round so you're facing away from the chair, no, all the way round, yes, ok, stop! Right, now take a step backwards, no not that way, backwards! Yes, now another step until you can feel the edge of the chair against your legs. No don't turn round again!' And so it would go on, even with much assistance she simply couldn't work out how to get there.

So maybe with your husband it's a combination of that and perhaps fear. Whilst in the car he at least feels safe. It is a known thing. But getting out makes him anxious. Perhaps he no longer recognises those familiar places like his brother's house or even the church. It might feel like stepping into the unknown. But when you are outside your house, it still looks familiar to him and his autopilot kicks in again.

Just my thoughts - it's all very difficult.
Thank you, these are my thoughts also , I was hoping someone might have an idea or a “trick” they could suggest. I normally try bribes, but it doesn’t always work!
 

Weasell

Registered User
Oct 21, 2019
693
I wonder if he has any other underlying health conditions.
an example would be heart failure ( clue occasional breathlessness )
This would make him very tired, and he would simply be communicating with you he doesn’t want to go to the places you have taken him to.

The ten per cent of refusals when you get to your own home could be that the dementia has reached a stage where he isn’t recognising it as his home?

I would try and use the minimum of speech, and as the car came to a stop say ‘ I am so looking forward to going inside for tea, cake and a nice rest’.

This gadget is a very cheap way of giving a person confidence as they exit the car.

this post may end up looking a bit of a pigs breakfast due to my cut and paste skills but at the bottom I have posted a link to one one amazon. You can get them cheaper than £15 elsewhere with a web search, but I choose to post the Amazon one as it had reviews.

1601967930170.jpeg
1601967930170.jpeg


 

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