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Getting help with dementia care


Registered User
Mar 19, 2016
I am new to this forum and wondering if anyone can offer any advice please? My father who is 75 has recently been diagnosed with dementia - however we have not been given any more information than that about his condition or what help is available. He is mainly cared for by my mum, who is 73 and I am becoming increasingly worried for both of them (I actually think my dad has been suffering from dementia for about two years prior to diagnosis). CPNs, doctors etc all promise to get more info for us on the diagnosis, any treatment or help, memory clinic, day centres etc but no one ever comes back with anything. I feel like Dad has been dumped back on mum with no support. I help as much as I can but I have two young children and a full time job. Can anyone give me any help or advice please? Would really really appreciate. Thank you.


Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
I think you need to be clear about what help is needed then ask social services to do a needs assessment for your DAd and a carers assessment for your Mum. Phone up the dept for elderly care at your local authority and ask for an urgent appointment for the assessment. The sooner you do it the better as they are often slow at getting it done.

They often start in a small way until they see how things go so you may need to hassle them from time to time. What kind of help does she need? Would a day or more at a day centre be right for him or just a few hours with a Befriender? Do they go to Alzheimer groups eg singing, bowling, football memories?

These can be a source of support and company. If you phone the Alzheimers Society they may allocate you a Dementia Advisor to talk over with your Mum what help she could get. The important thing is to take whatever is on offer and develop that as the illness progresses.


Registered User
Aug 24, 2013
Hi Angel. welcome to TP
You should contact the Local Authority for the area they live in and ask social service to do an adult assessment for them both, they will then tell you what help they need and what they can supply or fund.
I always advise people to do this in writing or by e-mail so there's a paper trail, the LA have to do the assessment by law and people do get fobbed off on the phone with excuses like as they'll be self funding the LA don't need to be involved, as I say they are legally required to do it once you make the request.
Also check out the local AZ society and AGEUK they'll be able to give you the local knowledge on what's available.
After that have a read around on here, you my pick up something useful like benefits available (not all are means tested). council tax disregards and just tips for coping.


Registered User
Feb 7, 2015
West Midlands
Hi Angel
I was distraught following oh diagnosis when memory clinic simply discharged him back to care of GP saying to ask for scan if there was a sudden deterioration as it could be a stroke or to contact mental health for tips if he got aggressive or difficult and that was it. I felt and still do feel abandoned. This was around 14 months ago.

I think the advice others have given is right though - get an assessment. I plan to in the near future as oh has deteriorated (not aggressive at all fortunately) and I want to be sure I use approved sources of help even though I know we will have to pay. I assume the LA will give advice on this. Its not going to be easy to do as he doesn't know he has AD but need to go through the process partly in case I should be ill.

I am disappointed that Memory clinic does not keep in touch even if just by phone occasionally. Diagnosis is important but so is support and that feels sadly lacking.

Keep reading this forum - there is always support and advice and it is one place where you can feel totally at ease.