Getting help for my mother

Discussion in 'Memory concerns and seeking a diagnosis' started by Sarasa, Apr 14, 2018.

  1. Sarasa

    Sarasa Registered User

    Apr 13, 2018
    166
    Thanks @Sirena and @Cazzita. Sister in law (brilliant negotiator, it's basically what she does for a living) is on the case of trying to sort out what the people trying to rent out the flat actually want. I still have some reservations, and I know mum will too, but I think this is by far the best step forward.
    Having spent so much time on TP it was interesting popping into the care home next door to the flats we were looking at. Although not part of the same company you can have lunch there. From a brief look it seemed fine, certainly no smell of wee. I certainly now know more about what to look for if we do have to start looking at care home.
     
  2. Cazzita

    Cazzita Registered User

    May 12, 2018
    286
    Thank goodness for your SIL - must be lovely knowing you have support there. Now there is a thing, a care home that doesn't smell of wee - haven't come across that one yet but hopefully I will when the time comes! xx
     
  3. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    386
    Female
    My mother's care home doesn't smell of wee - that was non negotiable for me! The carers take each resident to the loo regularly which keeps incontinence issues at bay, and I guess any accidents are dealt with quickly.
     
  4. Cazzita

    Cazzita Registered User

    May 12, 2018
    286
    That's good to hear @Sirena - maybe those bad old days are things of the past now. Hope so!
     
  5. Sarasa

    Sarasa Registered User

    Apr 13, 2018
    166
    #105 Sarasa, Oct 8, 2018
    Last edited: Oct 8, 2018
    Nothing much to report. I chased the woman from the memory clinic today. She was supposed to have phoned me a fortnight ago, but hadn't. It was obvious that nothing much had actually been done. I started to get a little more pushy with her explaining things are OKish at the moment, but could very easily flip. I'll phone her again next week if I hear nothing and start getting far more insistent.
    We were on holiday last week and according to my brother mum was fine if still going on about the neighbours. I spoke to her yesterday and for once she actually wanted to know about our holiday so it was nice to talk about what we'd been doing rather than her telling me all her stuff. She did say that the neighbours came in and stole all her cups while she was in the loo though. She just does not see what bizarre thinking that is.
    Brother is also getting a little bit further with getting mum to go and visit places near him, including the one he is keen on and that I think is a possible. I hope we can get that sorted sooner rather than later too.
     
  6. Cazzita

    Cazzita Registered User

    May 12, 2018
    286
    Hello Sarasa,
    Glad things are going okay but yes, push that memory clinic woman as these things drag on and on and on.
    Funny and bizarre as your mum's imagination is, my mum came up with something truly bizarre today - she says that when she is out in the car (as a passenger these days) a 'clanky plastic unicorn' is galloping alongside the car and she is worried it will jump in front of the car! It is also in her bedroom and she is scared of it but doesn't understand why as it's only 'plastic'! You couldn't make it up!
    Good luck with it all x
     
  7. Cazzita

    Cazzita Registered User

    May 12, 2018
    286
    Hope you had a really good break too :)
     
  8. Sarasa

    Sarasa Registered User

    Apr 13, 2018
    166
    My husband fielded a phone call from my mum at seven this morning and then woke me up to apologise at how badly he'd handled it. She was ranting about the neighbours turning off her heating and he told her straight it was her, and that the neighbours had done none of the things she claims they do. I've spent ages explaining to him that you can't reason with someone with (probable) dementia over the last few months, but this is the first time he realised it's true. He is now feeling guilty about how he handled it, and though I'm sorry he's feeling like that I'm glad he has some idea how I've been feeling lately
    One worry from the phone call was that she appeared to have forgotten my brother's young son. She's going over to my brother's today ahead of us all looking at sheltered places near him tomorrow, and I'm joining them there later this afternoon. My husband tried to cheer mum up by saying at least she'd get to see G, her grandson. Her answer was 'Who's G?'
    I haven't chased the memory clinic this week because of this upcoming visit, but I think I will be doing so when I get back.
     
  9. Cazzita

    Cazzita Registered User

    May 12, 2018
    286
    How sad that she has forgotten her grandson - clearly, the memory clinic need to get that appointment so you can seek a diagnosis. Good luck!
     
  10. Sarasa

    Sarasa Registered User

    Apr 13, 2018
    166
    Haven't gone flat looking yet but mum was in a foul mood last night and has woken up in a similar frame of mind. She thinks my brothers house is freezing (it's a lot warmer than mine) she knows she isn't going to like anywhere et etc.
    She seems to declined more in the week since I last saw her. She kept on saying she was 70 (she's 90), and insisted that something cost ten shillings for instance. She is also forgetting names. I'm sure she knows she has a young grandson it's just she can't remember what he's called. She asked who George was. He's the very large dog that was trying to lie all over her most of the evening.
    Wish us luck on the flat visits. My sister in law is finding jollying mum along a struggle and she is the most person centred person I know.
     
  11. Cazzita

    Cazzita Registered User

    May 12, 2018
    286
    Oh wow, your mum is really hard work at the moment isn't she? What a really vile illness this is. I guess that I am lucky in that mum is quite sweet most of the time so far. Maybe your mum is quite advanced in this illness. It will be interesting to see what the diagnosis finally is. Good luck with it all and you SIL sounds lovely xx
     
  12. Sarasa

    Sarasa Registered User

    Apr 13, 2018
    166
    The visits went a lot better than I thought. Mum found lots wrong with both places, but at least we got her there, she looked round, and hasn't completely dismissed either place. I'm going to do a pros and cons of each from my point of view to run past brother and SiL and we'll take it from there.
    Mum wasn't quite so confused as the day wore on, but she finds it very difficult to engage in any conversation that isn't about her, and her stories are now such a mixture and a muddle that I don't think any of them are 'true' anymore.
     
  13. Sarasa

    Sarasa Registered User

    Apr 13, 2018
    166
    Quick update. Shortly after my brother dropped mum home today he got a message from the neighbours complete with video from their door camera of mum shouting through their letterbox and strewing stuff from a bin bag outside their door. Due to my hearing I can't work out what she's saying but I think she is 'giving back' stuff she thinks they've left in her flat. I've phoned the mental health team to try and get someone round their sooner rather than later, I've been chasing them about that for the last six weeks. They also suggested checking mum out for UTIs so I'm trying to get hold of her to suggest a visit to the GP. Wish me luck. :)
     
  14. Rosettastone57

    Rosettastone57 Registered User

    Oct 27, 2016
    455
    absolutely feel for you. No immediate solutions to offer I'm afraid
     
  15. Cazzita

    Cazzita Registered User

    May 12, 2018
    286
    How awful for you all including your poor mum! It must be so strange to be so confused. On a positive note, you now have evidence to show the mental health team. Hope they hurry up and sort your mum out. It seems to be a ridiculous amount of waiting to get a diagnosis in this country sometimes!
     

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