Getting help for my mother

[Sarasa]

Thanks @Sirena and @Cazzita. Sister in law (brilliant negotiator, it's basically what she does for a living) is on the case of trying to sort out what the people trying to rent out the flat actually want. I still have some reservations, and I know mum will too, but I think this is by far the best step forward.
Having spent so much time on TP it was interesting popping into the care home next door to the flats we were looking at. Although not part of the same company you can have lunch there. From a brief look it seemed fine, certainly no smell of wee. I certainly now know more about what to look for if we do have to start looking at care home.

 

[Cazzita]

Thank goodness for your SIL - must be lovely knowing you have support there. Now there is a thing, a care home that doesn't smell of wee - haven't come across that one yet but hopefully I will when the time comes! xx

 

[Sirena]

My mother's care home doesn't smell of wee - that was non negotiable for me! The carers take each resident to the loo regularly which keeps incontinence issues at bay, and I guess any accidents are dealt with quickly.

 

[Cazzita]

That's good to hear @Sirena - maybe those bad old days are things of the past now. Hope so!

 

[Sarasa]

Nothing much to report. I chased the woman from the memory clinic today. She was supposed to have phoned me a fortnight ago, but hadn't. It was obvious that nothing much had actually been done. I started to get a little more pushy with her explaining things are OKish at the moment, but could very easily flip. I'll phone her again next week if I hear nothing and start getting far more insistent.
We were on holiday last week and according to my brother mum was fine if still going on about the neighbours. I spoke to her yesterday and for once she actually wanted to know about our holiday so it was nice to talk about what we'd been doing rather than her telling me all her stuff. She did say that the neighbours came in and stole all her cups while she was in the loo though. She just does not see what bizarre thinking that is.
Brother is also getting a little bit further with getting mum to go and visit places near him, including the one he is keen on and that I think is a possible. I hope we can get that sorted sooner rather than later too.

 

[Cazzita]

Hello Sarasa,
Glad things are going okay but yes, push that memory clinic woman as these things drag on and on and on.
Funny and bizarre as your mum's imagination is, my mum came up with something truly bizarre today - she says that when she is out in the car (as a passenger these days) a 'clanky plastic unicorn' is galloping alongside the car and she is worried it will jump in front of the car! It is also in her bedroom and she is scared of it but doesn't understand why as it's only 'plastic'! You couldn't make it up!
Good luck with it all x

 

[Cazzita]

Hope you had a really good break too

 

[Sarasa]

My husband fielded a phone call from my mum at seven this morning and then woke me up to apologise at how badly he'd handled it. She was ranting about the neighbours turning off her heating and he told her straight it was her, and that the neighbours had done none of the things she claims they do. I've spent ages explaining to him that you can't reason with someone with (probable) dementia over the last few months, but this is the first time he realised it's true. He is now feeling guilty about how he handled it, and though I'm sorry he's feeling like that I'm glad he has some idea how I've been feeling lately
One worry from the phone call was that she appeared to have forgotten my brother's young son. She's going over to my brother's today ahead of us all looking at sheltered places near him tomorrow, and I'm joining them there later this afternoon. My husband tried to cheer mum up by saying at least she'd get to see G, her grandson. Her answer was 'Who's G?'
I haven't chased the memory clinic this week because of this upcoming visit, but I think I will be doing so when I get back.

 

[Cazzita]

How sad that she has forgotten her grandson - clearly, the memory clinic need to get that appointment so you can seek a diagnosis. Good luck!

 

[Sarasa]

Haven't gone flat looking yet but mum was in a foul mood last night and has woken up in a similar frame of mind. She thinks my brothers house is freezing (it's a lot warmer than mine) she knows she isn't going to like anywhere et etc.
She seems to declined more in the week since I last saw her. She kept on saying she was 70 (she's 90), and insisted that something cost ten shillings for instance. She is also forgetting names. I'm sure she knows she has a young grandson it's just she can't remember what he's called. She asked who George was. He's the very large dog that was trying to lie all over her most of the evening.
Wish us luck on the flat visits. My sister in law is finding jollying mum along a struggle and she is the most person centred person I know.

 

[Cazzita]

Oh wow, your mum is really hard work at the moment isn't she? What a really vile illness this is. I guess that I am lucky in that mum is quite sweet most of the time so far. Maybe your mum is quite advanced in this illness. It will be interesting to see what the diagnosis finally is. Good luck with it all and you SIL sounds lovely xx

 

[Sarasa]

The visits went a lot better than I thought. Mum found lots wrong with both places, but at least we got her there, she looked round, and hasn't completely dismissed either place. I'm going to do a pros and cons of each from my point of view to run past brother and SiL and we'll take it from there.
Mum wasn't quite so confused as the day wore on, but she finds it very difficult to engage in any conversation that isn't about her, and her stories are now such a mixture and a muddle that I don't think any of them are 'true' anymore.

 

[Sarasa]

Quick update. Shortly after my brother dropped mum home today he got a message from the neighbours complete with video from their door camera of mum shouting through their letterbox and strewing stuff from a bin bag outside their door. Due to my hearing I can't work out what she's saying but I think she is 'giving back' stuff she thinks they've left in her flat. I've phoned the mental health team to try and get someone round their sooner rather than later, I've been chasing them about that for the last six weeks. They also suggested checking mum out for UTIs so I'm trying to get hold of her to suggest a visit to the GP. Wish me luck.

 

[Rosettastone57]

Quick update. Shortly after my brother dropped mum home today he got a message from the neighbours complete with video from their door camera of mum shouting through their letterbox and strewing stuff from a bin bag outside their door. Due to my hearing I can't work out what she's saying but I think she is 'giving back' stuff she thinks they've left in her flat. I've phoned the mental health team to try and get someone round their sooner rather than later, I've been chasing them about that for the last six weeks. They also suggested checking mum out for UTIs so I'm trying to get hold of her to suggest a visit to the GP. Wish me luck.

absolutely feel for you. No immediate solutions to offer I'm afraid

 

[Cazzita]

How awful for you all including your poor mum! It must be so strange to be so confused. On a positive note, you now have evidence to show the mental health team. Hope they hurry up and sort your mum out. It seems to be a ridiculous amount of waiting to get a diagnosis in this country sometimes!

 

[Sarasa]

Just had the mental health team on the phone. The consultant was going to email mum's GP to say put her on a low dose of risperedone. I said not without actually seeing her he doesn't, so we are now awaiting a letter for an appointment with him. I am rather shocked that someone would prescribe anything without seeing the patient and understanding their history.

 

[Cazzita]

Just had the mental health team on the phone. The consultant was going to email mum's GP to say put her on a low dose of risperedone. I said not without actually seeing her he doesn't, so we are now awaiting a letter for an appointment with him. I am rather shocked that someone would prescribe anything without seeing the patient and understanding their history.

It is absolutely ridiculous isn't it? They just do the standard thing and are prepared to without any testing whatsoever - what a system! Hope the GP appointment comes through quickly! x

 

[Sarasa]

I went to see mum on Wednesday. She was bright and cheerful and had done her best to tidy up her flat ahead of an estate agent coming round. The good news is she took to the agent, who seemed to have a good understanding of selling the flats of confused elderly ladies and who is happy to run most of the paperwork etc through me. So the place is now on the market. Not so good news, the place we were hoping to get mum into (the 'try before you buy' extra care flat) has now had another offer accepted. There is a nicer place in the same block and my brother and sister in law are keeping in touch with the warden and hope for first dibs on that.
We now also have an appointment with the memory clinic consultant. The letter was sent to me as well as mum, and I phoned to change the date as I couldn't make the one offered. Interestingly the date we are now going is one that the receptionist said we had already turned down. I assume they phoned mum and she said no.
The most worrying thing was that while at mum's I found a patient discharge sheet from the ambulance service. Mum had phoned 999 again on Friday night in a panic about the neighbours ,this was after her dumping stuff outside their door, and more and more hysterical phone calls to me. They calmed her down, made her a cup of tea and went on their way. Brother and I were both out and they had been unable to contact us. I'd assumed the phone call I had about risperidone on Monday was in response to my phone call on Friday, but maybe it was a referral from the ambulance team. My seemed to think have paramedics round was all perfectly normal.
Oh well we stagger on and see what today will bring.

 

[Sirena]

Sounds like the move can't happen too soon, Sarasa, for everyone's sake.

How will your mother cope with viewings from buyers, do you think she'll be okay?

 

[Cazzita]

Never a dull moment Sarasa! Great that you now have an appointment