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Getting help for my mother

Discussion in 'Memory concerns and seeking a diagnosis' started by Sarasa, Apr 14, 2018 at 10:24 AM.

  1. Sarasa

    Sarasa New member

    Apr 13, 2018
    7
    Hi,

    I'm new here and a quick read through shows me that the difficulties I'm facing with my mother are pretty much the same as others are facing, but I didn't want to hijack someone elses thread so have staretd a new one.
    My mother is ninty and physically pretty fit for her age. She can walk, albeit slowly, a fair distance, doesn't use a stick and can touch her toes which is more than I can do. Her main physically disability is her eyesight. She has macular degeneration and is registered as partially sighted. She can see enough to get about (just), but not well enough to read or to notice how grubby her flat has become. She lives in a purpose built flat, which while not sheltered accomodation houses a lot of elderly women, all of whom look out for each other. It is very near shops and public transport. Although I've been a bit concerned about her mental capacity for a few years a lot of the concerns could be put down ot her inability to see and shes coped pretty well up until a few months ago, doing her own shopping, getting about by bus etc etc..
    Since November there has been a rapid decline. About that time her good friend in the next door flat moved into sheltered accommodation, and mum immediatly took against the new occupants. One day she was convinced they'd stolen her bag and my brother had a two hour drive to go and find she'd left in under a table and just couldn't see it. Since then she keeps on telling anyone who will listen that they come in, take and move things. Recently she showed me a bracelet that she said they'd left there, she'd even been and tried to give it back to them. It was one I'd last seen on her wrist at her birthday party. She didn't believe me and she can't see well enough to see the photographic eveidence of her wearing it. She complained to the company that manages the flats and they contacted me as they were concerned. My sister in law had a phone call a week or so ago from another neighbour to say that mum had stopped her in the street to say she couldn't find the chemists. Mum didn't recognise the woman and has lived in the same place for over ten years and hasn't had such problems before as far as I'm aware.
    All the above leads me to believe that mum probably has some kind of dementia. I went with her to a routine doctors appointment last month and expressed my concerns. The mini memory test he gave her produced a score of 26/30 which I wasn't surprised at, mum seems very good at that sort of test. He asked to see her in three months time, but my brother and I are so concerned that we've made another appointment to try and push for a referal to the memory clinic. Any suggestions as to how to persuade him that should happen? Also how do we get mum there? She insists there is nothing wrong and gets extremely angry if challenged or pushed to do something she doesn't want to.
    My other concern is getting some help in to clean the flat, check she is eating properly etc. She seems to manage at present to get herself up and is still very insistent on doing a full make up routine every day. I think I've almost persuaded her to get someone in for a short while, but none of the companies I've contacted by email have got back to me. I have the added complication that I'm deaf, so using phones is pretty tricky for me, but I guess I'm going to have to bite the bullet and start phoning.
     
  2. karaokePete

    karaokePete Registered User

    Jul 23, 2017
    1,363
    Male
    N Ireland
    Hello @Sarasa, I have given a partial reply to your query on the welcome thread. You are correct to start your own thread as more people will see it and I hope you get a reply to the rest of your question.
    One thing I can say is that it can take a very long time to get a diagnosis if anything is amiss so it is necessary to be both persistent and patient.
     
  3. Sarasa

    Sarasa New member

    Apr 13, 2018
    7
    Thanks @karaokePete . I went to see mum today and told her about the doctors appointment next week. She was fine with it all, though I think she suspects I fancy the doctor and wanted to see him again.
    Having read a lot of other people's stories, I realise that at the moment things aren't too bad, though they could get worse rather quickly.
     
  4. karaokePete

    karaokePete Registered User

    Jul 23, 2017
    1,363
    Male
    N Ireland
    I had a laugh at that one - makes a change from my wife(Alzheimer's) as she thinks every woman I speak to fancies me - not a problem I ever had!!!!

    As to your last comment, don't assume the worst as there isn't any 'normal' timeline with dementia. Things may develop more slowly than you fear. 'A day at a time' is the mantra.
     

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