Getting help for my dad

[TipTopMcFlop]

First post, so apologies if I don't quite get the etiquette of the forum correct.

Some background:
- My parents live near Belfast, I live in England
- My mum has dementia, very poor short-term memory, gets disorientated easily, becomes unsettled when my dad isn't around
- My dad is great and has a lot of life left in him
- The local council provides a person who comes around for 15 minutes every day to attend to my mum's personal care needs. This has been a big help

The issue:
My dad is finding it very hard work to be around my mum almost 24/7. She can be very demanding asking to know where she is, repeating conversation topics incessantly and wanting to know when she's going home

They were able to get a slot for my mum in a day-care centre for 4 hours a week, which looked like it was going to give my dad some respite. Unfortunately, she's just too unsettled for them to manage her. She's fine one-on-one, but is disruptive in a group environment.

We think she would really benefit from one-on-one attention.

I am quite fortunate in that I earn a decent wage and could comfortably support the private cost of this. However, I am struggling to find an organization that provides this kind of care and support. We have tried a number of local charities in NI who have been helpful in getting us access to the day-care centre, but we really just want an organization that provides someone to sit with my mum for a few hours a day.

Short version:
I don't know how to find someone to come around their home (in Northern Ireland) a couple of days a week for a few hours (say 4) at a time in order to give my dad a bit more respite. Can anyone help or make some suggestions?

 

[LadyA]

Hello, and welcome to Talking Point. Caring from a distance can be very difficult, even though you don't have the hands on care, it's all still with you all the time, isn't it?
What about a private Care agency? They're expensive, but some do provide companion visits, or someone who could take your mum out for a couple of hours. I wouldn't give up the Day Centre though. Maybe it could be explained to the management there that your mum doesn't like groups​, and does better with more 1:1 inter-action maybe they can accommodate that to some degree, while encouraging her to also engage with others sometimes. That would help her if the time ever comes when she needs to go in to a Care Home, either temporarily for respite, or if things deteriorate beyond what your dad can cope with, for full time care.

 

[Shedrech]

hi TipTopMcFlop
a warm welcome from me too
may I suggest you add Belfast or Northern Ireland to your profile, so that it shows up immediately on your posts and other members who are in NI might see where your parents are and be able to offer specific local info
I don't know the welfare system in NI - in England I'd suggest contacting their Local Authority Adult Services for an assessment of your mum's care needs, from which should come some suggestions
and here's a link to the main AS site, to the listings of local services - I entered Belfast into the search box
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/info/20011/find_support_near_you?_ga=2.50981801.1809573596.1494089812-213745934.1462100281#!/results/list?p=0&q=%7B%22place%22:%22Belfast,%20United%20Kingdom%22,%22alz%22:false,%22cat%22:125%7D
sorry not to be of more help
best wishes

 

[Gwendy1]

I have no idea if this will help, but we had an Alzheimers Scotland Carer for dad (20hrs a week)which we paid for privately- I don't know if the same service is where u live, through the Alzheimer's society. They were lovely. Took dad to church, bookies(!)..wherever really. Or just sat in him with him if the weather was rubbish. There may also be a way of getting a similar service funded through the state? We did, for a while, before we had to access direct payments etc for a 24hr Carer,and then paid for this as an extra. X


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point

 

[HillyBilly]

The Alzheimer's Soc NI offer a befriending service (their website says). Trained volunteers who could come and sit for a couple of hours.

 

[TipTopMcFlop]

Hello, and welcome to Talking Point. Caring from a distance can be very difficult, even though you don't have the hands on care, it's all still with you all the time, isn't it?
What about a private Care agency? They're expensive, but some do provide companion visits, or someone who could take your mum out for a couple of hours. I wouldn't give up the Day Centre though. Maybe it could be explained to the management there that your mum doesn't like groups​, and does better with more 1:1 inter-action maybe they can accommodate that to some degree, while encouraging her to also engage with others sometimes. That would help her if the time ever comes when she needs to go in to a Care Home, either temporarily for respite, or if things deteriorate beyond what your dad can cope with, for full time care.

Thank you for taking the time to reply, I really appreciate it. My dad has spoken at length with the day care centre and it seems like they're just not equipped to deal with someone like my mum as the "patient" to carer ratio is too high (which I totally understand, there's a balance between the number of people they can care for and the level of care per person).

I think a private care agency is really what I'm after, but I've really struggled to find any. That sounds crazy, but all my google searches have turned up references to social care which have been helpful, but only part of the answer. If anyone has a link to a private care agency I'm all ears!

Thanks again!