Getting a bed in a care home in an emergency situation

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by blueorchid, Jun 24, 2019.

  1. blueorchid

    blueorchid Registered User

    Feb 18, 2016
    15
    Hello,
    Hope this is the correct forum. I am not the main carer, my father is. Apologies if this sounds blunt but should my father die before my mother (who has dementia) I will need to arrange care for my mother immediately.

    I'm asking this now as I know I'm not going to be able to think clearly if/when this happens.

    Would someone here be able to point me in the right direction as to who I contact? My mother isn't under the care of social services (through their choice) however she is not able to look after herself.

    I would like her to move closer to me in the long term, but it is the immediate care in the hours and days after the possible death of my father than I'm worried about. They live some distance from me.
    Thank you.
     
  2. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,540
    Female
    London
    Adult Social Services, they should hav a rapid response team.
     
  3. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,646
    Female
    Scotland
    This is one reason why regular respite is a good idea. If your mother is spending a week or two several times a year in a care home or various care homes then you would be prepared for what would suit her.
     
  4. blueorchid

    blueorchid Registered User

    Feb 18, 2016
    15
    Thank you that's very helpful
     
  5. blueorchid

    blueorchid Registered User

    Feb 18, 2016
    15
    I
    Totally agree. I've gently and sometimes not so gently encouraged respite over many years. Absolute refusal. My father is very tired and I can see how even home visits from a carer would be a massive help but no, he won;t do this. I've reached a point where I have to respect his decision. He needs the emotional support from me and me being at logger heads with him over this does not help the situation. Its all desperately sad.
     
  6. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    9,623
    Female
    South coast
    As Beate says - you contact Adult Social Services and tell them that it is an emergency. They will find a bed somewhere.

    I would also go and have a look around to see what is available in her area and what the places are like so that everything doesnt come as complete bewilderment to you. You might also like to get some name tags to label her clothes which you can put to one side just in case. They dont cost much and will save time if you can lay your hands on them immeadiatly.
     
  7. blueorchid

    blueorchid Registered User

    Feb 18, 2016
    15
    Thank you. I've looked around a few homes in my area but not hers. The care is to cover us whilst we get something permanent sorted. Ideally I would like to stay with her in the immediate few days after in her home. But this depends on sorting care for my young children. I was also told by someone that if I stayed with her this would make accessing care more difficult. I don't know how true this is.
     
  8. TNJJ

    TNJJ Registered User

    May 7, 2019
    35
     
  9. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    9,623
    Female
    South coast
    Yes, if you are with her it will not be considered an emergency.

    You could either stay with her and then move her to a care home near you, or she could go into an emergency respite bed near her while you sort out something permanent near you.
     
  10. TNJJ

    TNJJ Registered User

    May 7, 2019
    35
    I have the same problem with my dad.It is a sad situation but I don’t wish to take any more away from him.
     
  11. blueorchid

    blueorchid Registered User

    Feb 18, 2016
    15
    Ok this is good to know. Thank you.
     
  12. blueorchid

    blueorchid Registered User

    Feb 18, 2016
    15
    I understand what you're saying. For Dad it's about hanging onto the little control he has on life. And I understand that.
     
  13. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    9,623
    Female
    South coast
    I can understand that. I can only say that my mum thrived in a care home.
    She got better care and more stimulation than she could possibly have got being in her own home.
     
  14. postitive thoughts

    postitive thoughts New member

    Nov 13, 2017
    6
    Sounds like a very similar situation to mine. My Dad is struggling to cope with my Mum's changing behaviour as she won't accept help from him and her hygiene and welfare has gone down the pan in the past few months. It has come to a crunch point today and the carer who was due to start coming in to wash and change her said she needs respite care. He phoned a care home and they say she needs a mental health referal by the doctor first. We are currently waiting for the doctor.
     
  15. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    2,136
    Going back to your question, what happens if ............
    First it may not, but many of us think like you 'what if'?
    Up to a point we have to live with the uncertainty but it is difficult. Many spouses are too aware that this could happen.
    What I have tried to do is find out whether the county has an emergency services independent of social services for smaller emergencies. Our is called Crossroads. Free for a short time.
    Write to your parents Adult Services, old fashioned letter, send recorded delivery at least. Stress your fears ask them what to do. See if you can persuade your parents to get a Needs Assessment, Say there may be help and support to keep your Mum at home.

    Look at homes in general, find out the criteria, the fees, the range of dementia dealt with to avoid your Mum being moved. This will give you focus. Some homes are chains so similar but smaller ones unique to that area. This may suit someone better if there is some outside support.
    Good luck and look after yourself.
     
  16. Susan11

    Susan11 Registered User

    Nov 18, 2018
    1,440
    When the ambulance was called for my Dad (97) as he had fallen in the bathroom the paramedics took my Mum(94) with them to the hospital as there was no one at home to take care of her. (they lived alone with no help ). When i arrived at the hospital 3 and a half hours later they had both been admitted. They would not allow Mum out to my care as i do not live locally and it was regarded as a safeguarding issue. They would have found 10days respite care for her but I managed to find a very good care home locally.
    I think you'd find that at a time like this the NHS is very supportive ,
     
  17. blueorchid

    blueorchid Registered User

    Feb 18, 2016
    15
    That's reassuring. When Dad has been admitted in an emergency before this has happened and she sat with Dad until I got there. And she too ended up being admitted on both occasions.
     
  18. blueorchid

    blueorchid Registered User

    Feb 18, 2016
    15

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