geting my strong head on

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by bel, Sep 20, 2007.

  1. bel

    bel Registered User

    Apr 26, 2006
    757
    coventry
    today is half day at shop

    bob loves time out
    we need a loaf of bread only from one shop he loves
    i stood out side having a smoke heard voices raised bob was in wrong
    que
    went in side
    bob did not know what to say

    guy was giving him abuse
    i said hang on a sec
    he was not in the wrong place on purpose
    we all make mistakes
    i would of liked to say
    he hbeas dementia i am so sorry your lunch is held up a touch love
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,654
    Kent
    Some people are so impatient bel, and so rude.

    When Dhiren went to buy me a birthday card, I stood outside the shop watching, but had to go, in as people were pushing in front of him.

    But at other times, people have helped him and been kind.

    It`s the luck of the draw.

    Love xx
     
  3. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    Bel, I was brought up to be a 'stickler' for small social graces ... all the little things in life that make everyday things so much more pleasant ...... thanking someone who holds a door open, thinking to hold a door open for someone else, giving up a seat for someone you recognises needs it more than you without being patronising etc ..... I have to say my observations of those type of social skills in others have become so much more pronounced since I have escorted mum out and about in public - small shopping trips, even hospitals and clinics ..... It is horrid, horrid, horrid when people don't show any patience ..... but can be so heart-warming too when the kindness of a stranger can really lift you.

    I absolutely agree with Sylvia - very luck of draw - and it's taught me to to be less stereotypical of people - I have had youths help us out - and professionals practically slam doors in our faces ........ (and vice versa of course) .....

    It's yet another facet of the skills required to be a carer .......I feel we shouldn't have to spring to their defence and 'excuse' their behaviour - but there are times they do cause upset and whilst trying to 'bite our lips' to protect their feelings times too we need to 'smooth over' for the recipients of their words or deeds if they are not socially acceptable .... (my mother's racism one case in point:( )

    Well done. You've dealt with it.

    Love, Karen, x
     
  4. Taffy

    Taffy Registered User

    Apr 15, 2007
    1,314
    Hello Bel,
    At the dementia group I attend we were given a card put out by Alzheimer's Association NSW. I know this is in Australia but maybe you may have the likes there, also. This card is a business type card with a logo that reads,

    MY COMPANION HAS AN ILLNESS,
    WHICH CAUSES MEMORY LOSS AND
    CONFUSION. PLEASE UNDERSTAND ANY
    UNUSUAL BEHAVIOUR.

    I have found the card useful on a number of occasions. It may well be worth looking into. Regards Taffy.
     
  5. Cate

    Cate Registered User

    Jul 2, 2006
    1,370
    Newport, Gwent
    Well done Bell, doesnt it just make your blood boil.

    What drives me nuts is, when I take mum out in her wheelchair, that people ignore mum and just talk to me, such as: in a cafe recently, woman behind counter said to me, "does she take sugar", I was cross, so I said to mum, tell the nice lady if you take sugar mum, to which mum said "tell her I said yes please" with a big grin on her face. Actually she doesnt take sugar, but I was so proud of her. Way to go mum:D
     
  6. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    Way to go Cate's mum!!!!!!! :D Best smile I've had all day!!!!!!:)

    Love, Karen, x
     
  7. sue38

    sue38 Registered User

    Mar 6, 2007
    10,856
    Wigan, Lancs
    When I was coming back from Athens earlier in the year with my Mum and Dad we were getting on the bus back to where we had parked the car. I was struggling with all the luggage and my Dad was being a bit slow getting on the bus, when a man behind (not young, well dressed) started giving my Dad grief. It was on the tip of my tongue to say 'I hope when you are 82 and have AD, people will treat YOU with a little more compassion', but refrained as it would have upset my Dad and contented myself with telling him to s** off. :p

    Cate, my friend's mum who at the time was no more than 60 had an operation on her ankle which meant she was immobile for a couple of days. My friend took her to the supermarket and borrowed one of their wheelchairs. They were both gob-smacked when the staff addressed her mum through my friend. Good on your Mum. :)
     
  8. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,418
    Did not the disability segment on Radio 4 used to be called "Does he take sugar"? Still may be for all I know. I did sometimes toy with the idea of having little cards printed which I could hand out to these so sensitive people that are sometimes encountered.
     
  9. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #9 Margarita, Sep 21, 2007
    Last edited: Sep 21, 2007
    I must admit :eek: that I am a bit more straight forward up front taking when it come to my mother and the miss haps we have en-counted with people in supermarkets , shops , buses . I smile nicely saying sorry my mother get confused , she got AZ . lucky for me and them they have not given mum any of they negative attitude , Or it be My mother got dementia what your problem .

    I know all people don't like saying they have dementia, just sharing how I deal with it .
     
  10. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,654
    Kent
    Unfortunately it isn`t only the ignorant who don`t know how to behave with disability.

    I was on a Diploma course at Manchester University for Children with Special Educational Needs. So bear in mind, everyone on that course was a teacher of SEN children, doing professional studies in education.

    When I commented on the difficulty I had hearing a lot of the discussions, and compared it to children with impairments in the classroom, it was suggested I wear a badge informing people of my difficulties.
     
  11. elaineo2

    elaineo2 Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    945
    leigh lancashire
    Well Said Grannie G.It is ignorance of those with various disabilities.Patience is no longer a virtue and impatience a sign of the times.My blood boils when these things happen.Suffice it to say that someday these people will have a situation with their relatives that they will have to deal with.I wonder how they will feel with the shoe in the other foot?Mortified! if they have anything about them.love elainex
     
  12. bel

    bel Registered User

    Apr 26, 2006
    757
    coventry
    verbal abuse

    thanks all
    i felt last night printing some type of card
    to show if we were in similar situation again now taffy has said i think it is a good idea i could keep it hidden it would save me having to verbaly explain bobs problem in front of him
    love bel x
     
  13. Nutty Nan

    Nutty Nan Registered User

    Nov 2, 2003
    785
    Buckinghamshire
    Dear Bel,
    I printed the following cards (slightly smaller than a credit card, about 8 per A4 sheet of paper), and carried them in my purse, my pockets, with my passport ..... and I used them discreetly on several occasions:

    My husband suffers from
    ALZHEIMER'S DISEASE
    Please excuse any
    inappropriate conversation
    or behaviour.
    Thank you!

    Strangers became allies, and my husband's dignity remained intact. It also reduced my stress levels when I felt a 'cringeworthy' situation developing.

    Best wishes - you are a real trooper!!!
     
  14. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,654
    Kent
    Thanks, Nan, what a good idea.

    I carry an ID card in case of emergencies, but yours is even better for everyday use. I will print some off now. Brilliant. :)

    Love xx
     
  15. sue38

    sue38 Registered User

    Mar 6, 2007
    10,856
    Wigan, Lancs
    Nan,

    That is a good idea. It's not just people who are rude who I want to explain the situation to. I take my Dad to the rugby and the people who sit next to us will always try and discuss the match with my Dad, not a lowly female like myself ;) I have to wait until my Dad has gone to the loo to say 'don't take offence that he didn't respond appropriately, he had AD'.

    I gave him the card today which has details of his condition and explained that it has our phone numbers on it. The card is green and the condition is printed in red, as my Dad has red/green colour blindness I'm hoping he can't read it. Do I feel deceitful? Oh yes. But following Hazel's advice that lies are good if they are for his benefit.
     
  16. Nutty Nan

    Nutty Nan Registered User

    Nov 2, 2003
    785
    Buckinghamshire
    In the long-distant past, when we were still just able to travel, I even carried a doctor's certificate to confirm the condition of Alzheimer's, as I was terrified of what could happend during a trip, especially at the security checks.
    My husband often got very agitated when he was forced to do something he couldn't understand or see the point of, such as taking a coat off, or worse still, his shoes. I think I may have even posted at the time about his reaction when he had to put his treasured purse with loose change into a little basket while he stepped through the archway to be scanned. I still break out in a cold sweat just thinking about it, and am ashamed to admit that I would have given anything to be able to walk away while he ranted and raved in a very loud voice about "these b******s who wanted to steal his money ................." :eek: :eek: I was convinced we would both end up being locked up instead of boarding a flight.

    I don't know whether anybody overheard his question once we had been in the air for about an hour "are all these people going to the same place? I haven't notice anybody getting off yet!" :eek: - - - Happier days, even though they were stressful!
     
  17. elaineo2

    elaineo2 Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    945
    leigh lancashire
    What a great idea having the information to hand out to those who are not familiar with the disease to protect our loved ones.I am not computer literate at all.Can i be cheeky and ask someone to tell me what to do to make these cards?The kids loose their patience with me when i ask for help on the pc.I wasn't born with the knowledge is what i tell them!love elainex
     
  18. Westie

    Westie Registered User

    Nan, what a simple, yet perfect idea. I have printed some off already and will make a point of having some in all coat pockets etc. for those cringe making situations that are becoming all too frequent now.

    Peter was banned from our local community tip this morning as he refused to wait for a lorry to leave and insisted on barging past a whole queue of people and climbed over a barrier. All this just to recycle some cardboard!

    Mary-Ann
     
  19. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    Dose make me wonder how the parents of children that have Tourette syndrome cope with inappropriate behavior in the past when they was not so much public awareness of Tourette syndrome
     
  20. Nutty Nan

    Nutty Nan Registered User

    Nov 2, 2003
    785
    Buckinghamshire
    Cards

    I'm no whizkid either, but hopefully, this will work: If you are able to open the attachment, it should be possible to print it on to A4 card. Turn the page round and print a second time on the other half of the card .......

    There may be easier ways, but it worked for me.
    Good luck! C.
     

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