general query


Registered User
Jul 28, 2005
south london
general query.

when it becomes time for somebody to go into a home what if the person does not want to go.

this is just a general query because my mum does not have to go into a home yet (although I had to convince mum's social worker 18 months ago that she was ok to stay at home with day centre support).

I know at some stage she will have to go into a home, I also no she will not want to go.

what happens in these circumstances.


Registered User
Jun 2, 2005
Los Angeles, USA
Hi Bernie,

This seems like a big question, and probably a lot depends on a whole bunch of circumstances -- how far your mum's dementia has advanced at that point, what the family situation is (are you the sole responsible relative? will other relatives back you? how well has your mum gotten along with family over the years?), etc. I think you may be asking about legally, how can she be forced (for her own protection) to go into a care home? That I'm totally unable to answer as things are probably different there than here in the U.S.

It's tough when a parent unwillingly loses independence. I've been lucky with my mom in that she has not resisted moves to greater levels of care as she needed more help. I know how awful it can be when a parent fights what's necessary, however, since when my dad got physically sick and had to be in various nursing homes, there were periods where he just hated it. I felt terrible having him say "Get me out of here! I've never wanted anything so much as to leave this place." I felt like I was failing him and had a lot of guilt.

Maybe if you tell some more details of the situation with your mum, people here might have some comparable experiences that could help you.



Registered User
Jul 25, 2005
This is a confusing issue, but as I understand it, if a person is unable to look after themselves, and if the carer or carers who are looking after them say that they can't look after that person anymore, then social services or the NHS are obligated to take that person into a residential or nursing home.


Registered User
Jul 28, 2005
south london
I am mum's sole carer and only child. physically she is very well but mentally she is very confused.

she can't be left on her own because she wonders off. at times it is hard to get her to go to her day centre because she says she does not want to go.

things are OK now but I know things will get worse and she will have to go into a home, but I know she will not want to.

I just want to know do social services get some sort of court order or do I get a court order.

as I say it is just a general enquiry so that I have some preparation for when the time comes.


Registered User
May 20, 2004
Hi Bernie

I think the circumstances can be different for nearly everyone. In our case it took a serious deterioration in Aunties health that put her in hospital for 3 weeks. The consultant advised us that in no circumstances should we agree to take her home where she lived alone (she was in no condition to disagree). We therefore had to arrange a place for her in a home where she remains. Its a good idea to try and get your head around possible options and outcomes but things can change so drastically that you need to be flexible in your thinking to avoid adding even more stress to yourself.



Registered User
Mar 23, 2005
Hi Bernie,

You might want to call the Alzheimer's Society Helpline on 0845 300 0336 for expert advice on this point.

My (limited) understanding is that if a person can not be persuaded/cajoled into leaving their home voluntarily, the only legal means available is to have the person sectioned under the Mental Health Act. The Society has more information on that here:

From reading other posts on Talking Point, it seems that this is sometimes the only way to get someone with AD to a place of safety. And as zed has already said, Social Services and medical authorities have a responsibility to ensure that vulnerable people are protected.

It may also be that as your mother's condition progresses, she will be more willing to accept a move to a care home, possibly just as respite at first. Of course, the term care home might not actually be used in that context, it might appear to her to be a short rest in a nice hotel.

Take care,


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