Gall bladder removal on a person with mixed dementia.

[turmoil]

Hi all

My Dad is going for his gall bladder removed on Friday, they do not keep him in, apparently I have to stay at his home with him overnight (not possible) or he has to stay with me (no!) I am already giving him injections to prepare his blood for the opp.
I am with him every day for 5 to 7 hrs, I refuse to give anymore.

Dad is blind and has frontal lobe dementia and vascular dementia, he had his gall bladder drained Dec 2011 and suffered a stroke and delerium and the dementia advanced at an alarming rate.

There is me as his carer and my son helps with emergency's but we are 10 mile from Dad, I have told the nurse at pre opp I am not taking him home after opp if he is not right, does anyone have any advice? SS have been no help and I believe Dad is quite advanced.

Thanks

Turmoil

 

[lilysmybabypup]

I'm sorry turmoil, I have no constructive advice for you. My dad has advanced Alzheimer's and has been in hospital for 4 weeks, and between Mum, my sister and myself we've been with Dad every day since admission. There are supposed to be 1:1 nurses for dementia patients here in a hospital but they cost extra money to the health system so they want family to plug all the holes.
I know I could never have coped on my own and our lives have been on hold for all that time. It's so sad that family has to fill in for all the huge gaps in health care no matter what part of the world.
Hope you can get something sorted and your Dad's surgery goes well.
Stephanie, xxx

 

[normelle]

Gall bladder

Hi this is normelle,I haven't got ad. But I had my gall bladder removed on 1st July

I had it done privately. I was in hos one day. My daughter took me home and had to stay with me all that day and night,10 days on ,I'm still very sore and can't drive for another week.i feel for you. But your dad will need someone with him at least a few days he mustn't lift anything
Sometimes I've got a job to bend
Good luck to you and family. And good luck to your dad.
Love normelle xxx

 

[rajahh]

Sounds as though you have to stand firm. Not easy but you cannot go on giving as you do and then be expected to give more.

 

[turmoil]

Hi all and thank you for your replies, I have to say I feel really mean but strongly feel if I stay with Dad ( baring in mind he has no bed for me, no settee, no running hot water, no carpets, the list goes on) It will open a door for him to want me there overnight on a regular basis. I feel I do more than enought as it is.

It would not work bringing him to mine, apart from the stairs which he could not manage it would confuse him too much.

Normelle thanks for your post, I was thinking he would be okayish after a week so your post gives me some more insight. I hope you feel stronger very soon, I suppose I have been more worried about the mix of dementia and anesphetic and not focused on the actual recovery.

lilysmybabypup
Thank you for your post, it is a terrible disease and the stress and worry is exhausting. I really hope you, your Dad and your family keep strong to help you through this awful time, your right about lives being put on hold, sad thing is I have a brother who lives 5 mins from Dad but is an invisible.
Sending love to you and yours.

Rajjah

Thank you, and your right I will have to search inside and find a bit more strength and say NO NO NO NO!

I will update when I can, hopefully I am worrying for nothing and I will not see a recurrence of the last episode post surgery.

Turmoil x

 

[bemused1]

Turmoil just thinking of you. Stay strong. Do not be beaten there is only so much you can do and you are doing it

 

[turmoil]

Thank you bemused1, hope you are ok x

Turnoil

 

[bemused1]

Thank you bemused1, hope you are ok x

Turnoil

Thanks Turmoil, surviving sums it up!

 

[turmoil]

Hello all

Thought I would give an update after Dads surgery, on the day it was touch and go as to wether they would do the opp but after finding a bed on ICU they went ahead, I was really suprised when I visited Dad in the eve, he was very good indeed but I held to my guns that he was not fit to be at home alone and they kept him in overnight.

The following day I went and it was a total different ball game, he clearly had suffered delerium and was dressed with his bags packed and wanted out and they wanted him out. He had packed his belongings along with the hospital bedding, gown, surgical briefs and a NHS cup, he got very angry when I said he could not take these things and said the nurse had put them there he had not! He would not wait for discharge letter so we have not got one.

He is now at home with me looking after him and I really am starting to feel resentment, just tired I think. His staples have to come out on Friday and I have no transport, I went to his doctors and asked if the district nurse could call, I was told I have to ring them direct I tried all day to get through eventually I got through to a call centre thingy, I explained the situ and she asked can he not get to the sugery on his own?I said NO NO NO! "He is blind has mixed dementia and poor mobility and has had a opp." Well she said, " Its too late today to get anyone to ring you back, someone will ring you tomorrow."

Its like pulling teeth trying to get any help.

Dad is more confused than before surgery but no where near as bad as when the gall bladder was infected. His moos has been very dark but that may be the heat, he is not eating but is drinking.

Regards to you all

Turmoil x

 

[lilysmybabypup]

Oh turmoil, nothing is ever as simple as it should be, is it? It sounds like you have way too much on your plate. This surgery would be a difficult situation without the dementia, but that makes things unbearable. I find with Dad that even the simplest of things need a long explanation about why this is happening or why he has to do something, and when I've finished explaining he's forgotten it all and says, why do i have to do that? It's exhausting, isn't it?

Hope you can get through this post op period with your sanity intact.

Stephanie, xxx

 

[turmoil]

Ha Ha, Hi lilysmybabypup, I lost my sanity around 18 month ago when I became a carer for the 3rd time lol.

I find my Dads moods are the hardest, I personally find it easier when he is very confused and harder when he is bolchy, insultive and a general pain in the butt, however my sister is coming home next Sunday so I have help, yipeee! (for 2 week)

I am just taking it day by day, he wants a knee replacement now though, I am hoping he will forget this like the surgery he had 3 days ago.

Onwards and upwards

Turmoil x

 

[bemused1]

Sounds to me like he's on the same list my oh is on, refused help once, go to the back of the queue. Really sympathise Turmoil, and you should not have been put in this position. What happened to carers having a say in whether they wanted to care?

Grit your teeth, scream and shout, kick the dog(where is the dog anyway?) Once your sister is there make sure she pulls her weight.

Moral support every step of the way from me.

 

[turmoil]

Sounds to me like he's on the same list my oh is on, refused help once, go to the back of the queue. Really sympathise Turmoil, and you should not have been put in this position. What happened to carers having a say in whether they wanted to care?

Grit your teeth, scream and shout, kick the dog(where is the dog anyway?) Once your sister is there make sure she pulls her weight.

Moral support every step of the way from me.

Thank you Bemused1

Dont worry the dog (Kimmy) is fine I feed her now and take her out, I have had a couple of worries over my Dads behaviour towards her in the past but everything seems ok at the moment, at worst he feeds her after I have but I keep a close eye on her.

Thank you for your kind words, my sister is here and it helps so much, it is Dads 80th birthday today and we planned on taking him out for lunch (I have planned a big family meal for Sunday) However true to call, Dad said he did not want to go and was not in a great mood, we trailed over with my baby grandaughter in pushcair on two buses as I did not have car Anyway I think we brought him round slightly. 1 step forward and 6 back lol.

Still no professional input and a carer at my UIL home said he was missing me and I needed to go every day even if it was just for 10 mins Of course I will!!!!!! NOT.

Sending virtual strength and my thoughts to you

Turmoil x

 

[turmoil]

Nothing goes to plan!

Hi all, I am struggling a bit and would appreciate your advice.

Firstly as I said my sister came home to help me with Dad, sadly one of her dogs had a fit/siezure and lot its sight and suffered brain damage, we have spent a lot of time at the vets. Her dog is not distressed so we are seeing how it goes and trying to keep the dog as calm as poss. We had to cancel the meal we had booked for Dads 80th as the fit happened on that day, hence my poor sister has not been able to help much with Dad.

My main worry is Dads behaviour and yes I was expecting it to some degree but, he has taken to going out in the garden to hang his washing out with just his underpants on, thankfully he does not look onto a main road but he is in a terrace with neighbours either side. One day he just had a t shirt on and no underpants and was wondering around the house whilst my son, granddaughter and me were there.
When I try to say something I get a mouthful and he can be very nasty.

We took Dad out yesterday as a late birthday meal, he wanted to wee to he weed in the car park infront of my sons car.
When we were returning my sister tried to stop him from walking infront of a car, he went crazy with her and hit her in the chest, the occupants of the car were shouting at him for walking in the road, it was just horrible and I really do not know what to do.

He will not have outsiders in just me but I am starting to wear thin of the lies and nast coments.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Thank you

Turmoil

 

[Jessbow]

I think you need a mental heath team assessment for him soonest. This isn't getting any better

 

[turmoil]

I think you need a mental heath team assessment for him soonest. This isn't getting any better

Thank you, I will speak to his doctors on Monday.

Regards

Turmoil

 

[bemused1]

Do as jessbow says he is obviously a danger to himself and others. don,t just speak to his doctors lay it on the line you cannot do this any longer. its almost impossible to explain to someone why they shouldn,t do what they want when they want.

shame about the dog and shame that your sister wasn,t able to take some of the weight to give you a rest.hope the dog is ok.

give yourself a break and fight back for your own life.not easy but you deserve some life as well. take care let us know how you get on

 

[turmoil]

Hello

I chickened out, I thought maybe it was down to the weather being hot and decided to monitor him.

I also decided I needed to think about his meals on a weekend, I thought if I ordered him meals on wheels for Sat and Sun it would stop him complaining about sarnies and accusing me of giving him stale bread. I thought it would be good to get in a routine for winter. However! Dad went mad me, and I have had to cancel the meals.

Hence the final straw and my t/p to the OT, I told her I had had enough and explained re the recent aggression, physical and verbal and I will go before Dad at this rate.

I rang at 9.05am today and still waiting for the promised call back, after she had spoken to her manager. Maybe tomoz??

Will keep you updated but I feel I am betraying him, have felt so emotional today, like its all my fault!

Anyhow Thanks for your support. It means a great deal to me

Turmoil x

 

[bemused1]

Enough is enough Turmoil. Don't wait for the phone call ring again. It will do no good thinking it is all your fault. You have supported your dad so far to the end of your tether and now its time to take a step back. Please shout scream and play havoc- no one has the right to take your life over unless you allow it to happen.

Keep us posted and pm if you need a real rant

 

[turmoil]

Hi

Things have been a bit hectic, as I know they are for all of us.

Hoping to move my UIL by end of Aug, my Mum is back from my sisters in Norfolk and boy do I know it!

Dad is very emotional, he has gone from being volitile to crying! He seems more confused lately too. He told me this afternoon that his wound was weeping after his opp As it is I take him on Wednesday for check up after the surgery so will see. I cannot see anything?

Thursday a doctor is coming to Dads house for a mental health review, I know this was advised. I do have concerns though and not sure what to expect.

How am I supposed to say what Dad does infront of him? Dad is in total denial. Has anyone experience of the mental health review?

I guess I am worried that they will see a totally different person to the one I deal with (Do not wish to be unkind) But he can be a monster or an emotional wreck. I do feel sorry for him and I cannot try to imagine what he is going through. I am woried that they are going to tick the boxes and say," Well I am not worried about him".

Any advice as to what to expect would be welcome.

Thank you

Turmoil x