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My husband does not remember living in our home of 35 years - so know where you are coming from. He can not find his way around, doesn't know where any of the rooms are and can not follow direction, so you have to take him where he wants to go.
He just microwaved a piece of bread (who knows for how long) and had to peel it off the microwave plate, this week he added boiling water to the jar of coffee (thank goodness there wasn't much left in it!), has put milk onto crisps that had been left in a bowl overnight, put crisps into the Splenda container, talks about driving the car (had his licence revoked last year), does not remember that our children no longer live with us, can no longer dress himself, takes off his trousers in the study when he wants to go to the toilet........I could go on.
He was diagnosed in May of last year, but since then it has been a quite steep downhill slope. To look at my OH he would look 'normal' to anyone meeting him and if you did not know, you might think he was fine as he still speaks clearly but all of his conversation is 'not real' or based on anything that actually does or has or will happen. Hence, there is no real conversation as even if you tell him anything what he then comes back with either has nothing to do with what is under discussion or is twisted so no longer it is what you actually said.
My OH has just started (begining of July) going to a day centre and while he initially settled in well, at about the 3rd week he got very irate when he realised he was going again - said he hated the people running it, it was horrible and he never wanted to go again. He was fine with the staff once he went in and it appeared that he was only like that with me, so I got someone else to take him for the next couple of days and now I don't take him every day (others do) and this seems to have reduced (dare I say eliminated?) the resistance and he seems to have accepted that is where he goes.
Your mother reminds me of my MIL (also had dementia) she was always fine with new people, places for about 2 weeks and then she would 'go off' them and not speak to them and for no known reason would be totally anti. She eventually stopped speaking to anyone and in fact was quite compliant.
Can't say I have that much advice to give apart from - don't take it personally - one of my children put it well when her dad was giving me a hard time about the day centre - 'mom', she said, 'you just have to think of it like my daughter, I take her to nursery, she cries when i leave, but I know as soon as I am gone she stops and she actually really likes it there. We know it is good for dad, giving him stimulation and keeping him occupied and he does actually like it, so you just have to know it is the right thing and ignore his protests.'
