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Funerals

Susan11

Registered User
Nov 18, 2018
3,384
0
I am watching Prince Philip's funeral and I am consumed with sorrow and guilt. They keep say a small family funeral of 30 people. My Mum caught Covid in her CH in November. She had stopped eating and drinking. I couldn't visit . The CH is 200 miles , 3 and a half hours away and I had literally just come out of hospital after a Lung Cancer operation. My Daughter had arranged to do her 5hr drive when Mum fell off her chair and banged her head. It was bleeding so an ambulance was called. She went into the Covis ward at the hospital and they didn't allow visitors anyway. They kept in touch but Mum refused to eat. By the time they could let me visit it was 6pm one evening. Two Drs and 3 nurses told me that under no circumstances was I allowed to visit because I was extremely vulnerable after my Operation. She died the next morning at 6am with a nurse holding her hand. When it came to the funeral there was just the 3 of us , me my husband and my daughter. The funeral car drove past the CH where some staff came out to see her off . It drove past the bungalow where she used to live and the neighbours stood outside . No one felt safe enough to come to the funeral which I understand. So listening to the commentary today I feel they have no idea what a small funeral is. I had just about got used to feeling guilty but this has brought everything back. Does this guilt ever go away or at least not dominate my thoughts all the time. Sorry for the rant. Don't mean to be disrespectful to Prince Philip .
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
64,377
0
69
Dundee
It’s not a rant @Susan11. I’m glad you’ve shared here snd I hope it has helped a little to write it down. I can only imagine how it must feel. Thinking of you and wishing you strength.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
3,557
0
Southampton
it must have been a difficult time not least because you were ill yourself and needed to look after yourself. please dont feel guilty, it was a set of circumstances you had to deal with at the time. how are you now? have you recovered?
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,466
0
North West
Its is hard to reconcile anything surrounding the death of a loved one in current times @Susan11. After battling to get my sister moved to the hospice I was not allowed to visit because a lateral flow test had come back positive. By the time a PCR test had been done and the result known it was too late, she had passed away. I feel for you, but we can only do what we can do in the circumstances, and I know how much it pains me to have to write about the experience, but I wish you great strength to know your heart was in the right place no matter what happened and at the end of the day our love wherever we are is above all else real and eternal
 

Susan11

Registered User
Nov 18, 2018
3,384
0
it must have been a difficult time not least because you were ill yourself and needed to look after yourself. please dont feel guilty, it was a set of circumstances you had to deal with at the time. how are you now? have you recovered?
Thank you Jennifer for your kind words and support. I really appreciate it. I had thought that I would be well enough to visit Mum by the time the CH came out of lockdown.
The cancer was found completely by accident when they were investigating something else. It was removed together with a third of my lung and the Consultant says I am now cancer free. It was a very odd time...being devastated by my Mum's death and yet at the same time being pleased about the cancer result. I felt guilty at feeling pleased!
 

Susan11

Registered User
Nov 18, 2018
3,384
0
Its is hard to reconcile anything surrounding the death of a loved one in current times @Susan11. After battling to get my sister moved to the hospice I was not allowed to visit because a lateral flow test had come back positive. By the time a PCR test had been done and the result known it was too late, she had passed away. I feel for you, but we can only do what we can do in the circumstances, and I know how much it pains me to have to write about the experience, but I wish you great strength to know your heart was in the right place no matter what happened and at the end of the day our love wherever we are is above all else real and eternal
Thank you Palerider for your thoughts and support. I had been able to see Mum twice in a specially set up room in the CH. It was a 7hr drive for a half an hour visit. The first time she was all bubbly and giggling... I think the CH staff had been building it up. But the 2nd time she was just not there. I don't know any other way to describe it. She didn't recognise me at all. Very distressing. The nurse at the hospital said not to worry about not being able to visit as she thought Mum wouldn't know I was there. The comment that "my heart was in the right place" is very touching and brings me comfort so Thank you. I have been following your posts and understand how difficult things have been for you too. It's a cruel world. Take care. Susan
 

Susan11

Registered User
Nov 18, 2018
3,384
0
It’s not a rant @Susan11. I’m glad you’ve shared here snd I hope it has helped a little to write it down. I can only imagine how it must feel. Thinking of you and wishing you strength.
Thank you Izzy. I must admit I've been holding it inside me and not felt able to share it which hasn't helped. I was so proud of my daughter offering to drive all that way to see her Nanny. She didn't tell me till later that she would have had to have 2 weeks off work afterwards. She was devastated when Mum fell and she couldn't go. Susan
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
3,557
0
Southampton
it must have been a difficult time not least because you were ill yourself and needed to look after yourself. please dont feel guilty, it was a set of circumstances you had to deal with at the time. how are you now? have you recovered?
Thank you Jennifer for your kind words and support. I really appreciate it. I had thought that I would be well enough to visit Mum by the time the CH came out of lockdown.
The cancer was found completely by accident when they were investigating something else. It was removed together with a third of my lung and the Consultant says I am now cancer free. It was a very odd time...being devastated by my Mum's death and yet at the same time being pleased about the cancer result. I felt guilty at feeling pleased!
im so glad you are now cancer free and you can live your life again. wouldnt your mum be more please that you had treatment. you were there for her all your life, a lot longer than when she passed away
 

Susan11

Registered User
Nov 18, 2018
3,384
0
it must have been a difficult time not least because you were ill yourself and needed to look after yourself. please dont feel guilty, it was a set of circumstances you had to deal with at the time. how are you now? have you recovered?

im so glad you are now cancer free and you can live your life again. wouldnt your mum be more please that you had treatment. you were there for her all your life, a lot longer than when she passed away

it must have been a difficult time not least because you were ill yourself and needed to look after yourself. please dont feel guilty, it was a set of circumstances you had to deal with at the time. how are you now? have you recovered?

im so glad you are now cancer free and you can live your life again. wouldnt your mum be more please that you had treatment. you were there for her all your life, a lot longer than when she passed away
Thank you Jennifer. She was a brilliant Mum and she would want me to be well. I have been following your posts and really appreciate the fact that you have found time to support me when so much is going on in your life. Take care of yourself Susan
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
3,557
0
Southampton
Thank you Jennifer. She was a brilliant Mum and she would want me to be well. I have been following your posts and really appreciate the fact that you have found time to support me when so much is going on in your life. Take care of yourself Susan
it helps to be supportive to someone else otherwise i would be mired in my own problems. gives perspective
 

Lawson58

Registered User
Aug 1, 2014
2,331
0
Victoria, Australia
We live in Victoria and my sister lived a 2 hour flight away in Queensland.

She died suddenly during lockdown and as much as I wanted to go to the funeral, I was facing 14 days quarantine and so I had to accept that I was unable to attend.

Though I watched the live stream, of the funeral, it wasn't quite the same and of course I wasn't able to spend time with my siblings or her children and grandchildren which meant that I had to deal with grieving on my own.

It is sad times for us all but it was beyond my control so I need to accept that and put it behind me.
 

Susan11

Registered User
Nov 18, 2018
3,384
0
We live in Victoria and my sister lived a 2 hour flight away in Queensland.

She died suddenly during lockdown and as much as I wanted to go to the funeral, I was facing 14 days quarantine and so I had to accept that I was unable to attend.

Though I watched the live stream, of the funeral, it wasn't quite the same and of course I wasn't able to spend time with my siblings or her children and grandchildren which meant that I had to deal with grieving on my own.

It is sad times for us all but it was beyond my control so I need to accept that and put it behind me.
 

Susan11

Registered User
Nov 18, 2018
3,384
0
That must have been very difficult for you indeed. Perhaps watching it online made it more difficult especially if you could see the rest of your family. We are a very small family now as Mum outlived her brothers and most of her friends . It was good that her neighbours and carers came out to see the funeral car go by. That consoled me a little.
Take care of yourself. Susan