I am watching Prince Philip's funeral and I am consumed with sorrow and guilt. They keep say a small family funeral of 30 people. My Mum caught Covid in her CH in November. She had stopped eating and drinking. I couldn't visit . The CH is 200 miles , 3 and a half hours away and I had literally just come out of hospital after a Lung Cancer operation. My Daughter had arranged to do her 5hr drive when Mum fell off her chair and banged her head. It was bleeding so an ambulance was called. She went into the Covis ward at the hospital and they didn't allow visitors anyway. They kept in touch but Mum refused to eat. By the time they could let me visit it was 6pm one evening. Two Drs and 3 nurses told me that under no circumstances was I allowed to visit because I was extremely vulnerable after my Operation. She died the next morning at 6am with a nurse holding her hand. When it came to the funeral there was just the 3 of us , me my husband and my daughter. The funeral car drove past the CH where some staff came out to see her off . It drove past the bungalow where she used to live and the neighbours stood outside . No one felt safe enough to come to the funeral which I understand. So listening to the commentary today I feel they have no idea what a small funeral is. I had just about got used to feeling guilty but this has brought everything back. Does this guilt ever go away or at least not dominate my thoughts all the time. Sorry for the rant. Don't mean to be disrespectful to Prince Philip .