1. Kayla

    Kayla Registered User

    May 14, 2006
    At my MIL's funeral, our neice's boyfriend took video pictures of the service for her brother in Australia to see. My husband's stepsister has taken offence at this and says it is in bad taste. We knew nothing of the plan to video the funeral beforehand, but now it has been done there seems little point in making a fuss.
    Is this all a storm in a teacup, or are there good reasons for and against taking pictures at a funeral? The Vicar and Undertaker agreed to the video being taken before the service and it was done discreetly. :confused:
  2. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    Hiya Kayla,
    Sounds like a storm in a teacup to me. It is a little out of the ordinary, but if it is seen as a way of the family in Australia being able to feel that they are part of the 'goodbye', then OK. I think the mistake was not asking your husband and his step sister first - if they were the closest mourners.
    Love Helen
  3. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006

    When I went on holiday to Gibraltar I took photo of my untie grave to show my mother in England, it gave my mother peace of mind seeing it .It did cross my mind that it was a bit morbid, I suppose every one will have there own opinion in how they view it, but each to there own is my view.
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Funeral Pictures

    Dear Kayla
    If it`s OK for funerals of Royalty and Heads of State to be videoed I`m sure it`s OK for relatives of your MIL, living abroad.
    Don`t let narrow minded people, who have nothing better to do.
    upset you.
    Regards Grannie G
  5. Lila13

    Lila13 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    I am glad that no-one took photos at my mother's funeral, but I can understand wanting to send a video to those too far away to be there.

    I think when people are so distressed about a death the slightest little thing can start a quarrel. I hope it'll settle down.

  6. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    Toronto, Canada
    If it was done discreetly, I think it's okay. It would probably have been better had they said what they wanted to do ahead of time but it's over & done with now.

    My husband is actually in England today for his uncle's funeral. He will take lots of pictures as that's what he does. And people do appreciate it afterwards.

    Grannie G - good point about Royalty & Head of State funerals!!
  7. maria29al

    maria29al Registered User

    Mar 15, 2006
    My Dads funeral was yesterday and we took some pictures of the bamboo coffin swagged with flowers so we could remember how beautiful it looked and to send to relatives who couldnt be there. We also took pictures as the pall bearers carried him into the Crematorium and a few weeks ago when Dad was at the chapel of rest.

    All the pictures have really helped us deal with our sadness. I realise everyone is different..but its what we needed.

    I did check with the Woman in charge as we arrived at the Church...just to be sure it was ok...

    I wish we had recorded the Service as it was so beautiful and the Vicar gave a wonderful speech that so encapsulated all that Dad had been to us all.

    I would just wait for the dust to settle...its a very emotional time for all.

    All will turn out fine in the end.



  8. keen2108

    keen2108 Registered User

    May 24, 2006
    When my sister died a few years ago my mum and her partner took photos of the hearse and her name written in flowers in the back next to the coffin. She also took pictures of the other flowers.

    I thought it was a bit odd but my mum needed them to try and get it to sink in that she had gone. She thought the flowers were lovely and as they don't last she wanted to remember them.

    Everybody does things differently. My mum gave me copies of the photos and I put them away as I didn't want to refuse and hurt her feelings. Same with a video - they don't have to watch it if they are uncomfortable.
  9. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    NW England
    So pleased for you, Maria. Until Kayla's post I had never thought of this before but absolutely agree with you. It's several years since my dad's funeral and I can barely recall many parts of what turned out to be quite a wonderful day of celebration.

    I would love to have a recording of the service, pictures of the tributes .... would feel a little uncomfortable, though, about capturing people's grief.....

    Love all, Karen (TF)
  10. mojofilter

    mojofilter Registered User

    May 10, 2006
    I used to manage a photography lab and some people would take photos of their children and other family members next to the corpse. I never really understood this but I guess it's what helps you get through the grief... and I do think that taking photos of the flowers is a good idea, I wish I'd done it myself at my dads funeral.

    We used to develop films from the local hospital that contained photos of still-born babies. Printing those was the hardest thing that I ever had to do in my 14 years there.

  11. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    near London
    Although they say the camera never lies, of course it does quite dramatically, especially these days when it has gone digital.

    In the case of a funeral, the camera can be made to lie in a positive way, simply by taking pictures selectively, and post editing. I agree totally that it would be inappropriate to picture the grief of others.
  12. Lila13

    Lila13 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    And some people laugh. Silly nervous giggles. OK, you can cope with it at the time but you wouldn't want that preserved on film.

  13. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    near London
    therefore... why is it necessary to take pictures of people at all?

    Flowers, church, grounds of church/crematorium, cards attached to flowers, etc...
  14. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    As some of you know I was abroad at the time of my godfather's funeral.

    His daughter took some photo's of the flowers for me to see. One of the most touching ones was of their mobility scooters outside the house, festooned with floral tributes. (He and his wife were housebound)

    When Lionel saw that picture he asked me to frame it!!!!! It certainly touched a cord with him.
  15. Kayla

    Kayla Registered User

    May 14, 2006
    Funeral pictures?

    Thankyou for all your replies to my question about video pictures of a funeral. Very discreet photos can often help people in their grieving.
    It seems now that step-sister-in-law has made a whole list of other complaints about how the funeral was organised. We thought it was lovely and just the usual, standard C.of E. service in a Crematorim Chapel. Nothing controversial or unusual at all, and my SIL (who lives nearby) prepared an excellent selection of buffet type food for afterwards.
    I know that my MIL would have been really upset that some one was making trouble and causing arguments about what seem like trivial things. I guess the best response is to just ignore the silly accusations, and not get involved in petty matters. It does seem a shame however, that the final goodbye has been spoiled.
    I've not come across anything like this before.
  16. jarnee

    jarnee Registered User

    Mar 18, 2006
    Hi Kayla,

    I've just got back (220+ miles round trip) from visiting mum's grave. It's her birthday today and also 4 months to the day since she died.
    I took photos of her flowers at the site where we had her ashes placed the day after the funeral and I still look at the pictures...they do help me to remember that we did what she wanted....for the very last time we could (She knew what she wanted as she died of cancer)

    People do and say things when they're grieving so it may be that.

    I hope things improve for you

  17. Kayla

    Kayla Registered User

    May 14, 2006
    Funeral pictures?

    It is now three weeks since the funeral, and things have settled down. We didn't respond to the silly accusations or get involved in any arguments with step-sister-in-law. Nothing more has been said fortunately.
    There is something I find strange though. My MIL's house is now on the market and it was decided to leave the furniture and ornaments etc. until it is sold. It is possible for us to view the house, fully furnished on the internet website. It's a bit creepy!
    On the other hand, my Mum's house is on the market to be relet, and we've had to make sure that it was completely empty! It has been odd going back into her house, to check on the garden, and there is no trace of her possessions. We think the house has been relet now, just waiting for references to come through.
    Our house is full of Mum's things and there is a wardrobe packed with her spare clothes. How do other people cope with finding homes for all these things? It would be a shame to get rid of anything that might be needed in the future but we do seem to be very cluttered up at the moment.
  18. Blue_Gremlin

    Blue_Gremlin Registered User

    Mar 15, 2006
    Morecambe, UK
    Hey Kayla

    When my MIL died 4 years ago my husband wanted to throw out EVERYTHING from her house. She didn't own it so it was going back to the council and we had to sort everything very quickly. I think now he is glad that I made him keep a few things - pictures, ornaments, jewellery that sort of thing. All her clothes went to charity and quite a lot of other stuff too. The stuff I made him keep is in boxes in our attic but from time to time he likes to look through it all and remember her - she died very young and very suddenly and he took it very hard.

    I am glad we didn't get rid of everything, I had only known her a couple of years but that stuff helps me too. It is packed away but at least I know it is there if I want to look at it.

  19. Kathleen

    Kathleen Registered User

    Mar 12, 2005
    West Sussex
    We are in limbo land with Mum's things.

    Dad died and Mum went into her home 20 months ago, her house is being sold to one of the grandchildren, and my sister and I gave Dad's clothes to a charity shop and gave a few things of his to family and friends, Mum's clothes went with her as did a couple of favourite ornaments, the rest are stored here and at my sisters home.

    The problem we have is that we dare not give away or dispose of the rest as we feel it would be wrong to do so while she is alive.

    She has already lost her husband, home, memories and faculties, all she has left are the treasures she kept all those years, things she polished lovingly and looked after, each holding a special memory for her and Dad and us of course.

    it seems disloyal to do anything other than keep them, but boy do they take up some space.

  20. Tina

    Tina Registered User

    May 19, 2006
    We too had to hand my grandparents' house back to the council after nan died and grandad went into a nursing home. We got rid of most of the furniture, one of the comfy chairs from the living room is in grandad's room now. Most of nan's clothes went to charity, but all of us children and grandchildren kept mementos - a scarf, a pair of gloves, a dress, handkerchiefs, a handbag. We also kept all her jewellery, china, crockery and cutlery - stuff from the sideboard and kitchen cabinets really. All of us have something from the house in our households and when we visit each other, we always go "ooooh, look, nan's milk jug / plates / ceral bowls / mug tree / foot stool / vase / etc." Never fails to trigger happy memories and laughs.


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