1. Grandaughter 1

    Grandaughter 1 Registered User

    Jan 17, 2006
    I apolgise for posting about something that may seem trivial.

    I had to go and order the flowers for Grandads funeral today, that was tough enough, especially as I know nothing about flowers!! I couldn't face ordering a wreath so I chose a small posy.

    Anyway the lady asked me to choose a card to go with the flowers and I just didn't know what to write on it so I have taken it away and have to drop it back on Monday.

    I don't want to just put " To Grandad, with much love etc" as it seems too weak if you see what I mean? My Grandad was never one for "slushy nonsense" so I am at a loss.

    I don't know why I am finding it so hard to write one line.:(

    I know it's a long shot but can anyone help me???

    Louise xxxx
  2. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    Hi Louise, it's hard isn't it? You could write a page, or an essay, but one line seems so trite.

    Why not pick on something special that your grandad meant to you? For example, 'For my grandad, thank you for always being there for me'. or 'Dear Grandad, I'm going to miss our chats so much'.

    I'm sure you get the idea, and will be able to focus on what exactly he meant to you.

    How are you coping?

  3. MillyP

    MillyP Registered User

    Jan 5, 2007
    Because of the love you gave us you will never be far from our hearts. :)
  4. Grandaughter 1

    Grandaughter 1 Registered User

    Jan 17, 2006
    I seem to be coping too well at times but then at night I find it hard to sleep and start feeling guilty for not visiting him enough before.

    Also, being his grandaughter I've not really had anything to do in the way of arrangements as my Nan, Mum and Uncle have done it all. The funeral is on Wednesday, so as upsetting as I know I am going to find it (I am having panic attacks just thinking about seeing the Coffin) at least it will give me some closure.

    Going back to the funeral card thing, I am finding the fact that my private message to my Grandad is going to be viewed by other people highly invasive. Does that seem daft?
  5. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    No it doen't seem at all daft. I don't have much experience in this area but you know, I don't know that it's necessary to write something highly personal on one of these cards. After all, if you believe in an after-life then your Grandad already knows how you feel about him, and if you don't the point is mute. I would be inclined to go with "Your Loving Grandaughter" or if you want something personal but not too personal a line of relevant poetry would seem to hit the mark.

    Best wishes

  6. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    Don't feel guilty. I'm sure your grandad appreciated your visits, but also knew you had your own life to lead. He wouldn't want you to feel guilty.

    I'm sure you're going to find the funeral hard, especially if it's your first for someone you loved. Ask your mum if you can have a job to do perhaps welcoming people. Also make sure you see the order of service, and know exactly what's going to happen, so that nothing's a surprise for you. I'm sure your mum will help you with this.

    Yes, the coffin will be hard for you, but keep reminding yourself it's now your grandad in there. Your grandad is in your heart, and he will be with you all through the service.

    No, it doesn't seem daft. But remember all the other mourners are feeling the same. It's easy to write a cliche, but if you make it personal, you're opening your heart to everyone else. And is that so bad? Why not tell everyone how much you loved your granddad?

    If you really can't face that (and it's a purely personal choice), why don't you just write the cliche on the card, and write your personal message on a piece of paper and hide it among the flowers?

    There's no right way to do this, don't worry about the conventions. Just do what seems right for you.

  7. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    NW England
    Dear Louise, it's not trivial at all ... I had to organise everything for my dad's funeral some years ago and 'coped' with all of it ...... until it came time to write that damned card to go on the floral tribute ..... so often what seems the 'little things' are the ones that really get to us .... and yes ..... I understand what you mean about public tributes ... if it helps, I confess I 'copped out' and stole a quote from a song which meant so much to me and dad ..... Cole Porter's: 'My heart belongs to Daddy ...' .... said it all without being my personal words on public display ......

    You'll know the right thing to do when it comes to you .... and sometimes saying nothing at all speaks volumes ......

    .... and remember Wednesday will be a time for celebrating a life too .......

    Will be thinking of you,

    Love, Karen (TF), x
  8. Grandaughter 1

    Grandaughter 1 Registered User

    Jan 17, 2006
    I've just googled sympathy cards and came up with this:

    Dear Grandad

    You will always live on in our hearts

    Lots of love etc etc

    What do you think (please be honest?)

    PS I'm crying my eyes out just typing this so how I'm going to manage at the funeral is anyones guess!

    Louise x
  9. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Hi Louise,

    It`s so difficult to think of the right words without being too personal or too trite. One card I did read, said `To a wonderful Grandfather and a wonderful role model`. I thought it was quite nice. Would it be suitable for you?

    The funeral will be upsetting for you, as will the coffin, but it`s to be expected. Just accept it as a farewell to your grandfather in gratitude for his life.

    With love xx
  10. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    Louise, I think that's beautiful. It says exactly what you want to say, doesn't it?

    Don't worry about crying, you won't be the only one, I promise you.

    Thinking about you at this difficult time.

  11. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    I agree with Hazel: it really does say all that needs to be said.

    Try not to worry how you react at the funeral: you won't be the only one crying I'm sure. It's also possible you WON'T cry: sometimes the shock affects people like that, and that's OK too.

  12. Áine

    Áine Registered User

    I don't think it sounds daft at all, in fact I think one of the most difficult things about funerals is the way in which your grief can be observed, and its tricky to not get lost between what you want to say to the person you've lost and what you want other people to see you say or not say ... if that makes sense.

    When I got flowers for my dad's funeral the florist suggested i got my own card, rather than the standard one. I guess I let the picture on the card say it and wrote very little inside it ......... it was a picture of our botanical gardens, one of the last places I took him before he died, and a place he used to take me regularly when i was little.

    At the end of the day, i don't think it matters that much waht you write, it's the process of struggling to find the words that's important.
  13. Áine

    Áine Registered User

    believe it or not i'ts taken me nearly a year to write 3 lines to go in the book of remembrance. i think for me it was maybe cos i was trying to find words that summed up everything about my dad and my relationship with him. there aren't words for that :eek:
  14. Tina

    Tina Registered User

    May 19, 2006
    Dear Louise

    ...how well I know what you're saying when you say how difficult it is to find the right words on these floral tribute cards. I agonised for ages what to write for my aunt and uncle and gramps. I wanted something personal, something that wasn't a cheesy verse, but I have to say I didn't care much that other people read it...I wanted the world to know how special my gramps and aunty and uncle were to me. However, I did keep the more personal things I wanted to write for the sympathy card and the card for the donation.

    On the card for the spray I wrote different things in each case, but one of them was (and I'm afraid I did copy it from a "cheesy verse" card, but only the first line :D ) "Your presence I miss, your memory I'll treasure. Grateful and proud that you were my gramps and will be in my heart forever." etc etc

    Thinking of you at this difficult time...so hard to find the right words which are "fitting" and right for you too.

    Take care,
  15. sue38

    sue38 Registered User

    Mar 6, 2007
    Wigan, Lancs

    Don't worry about how you're going to react at the funeral. Just be yourself - people will understand. I remember at my grandpa's funeral (I was 13 and it was the first funeral I had ever been to) I was fine. At my sister's godmother's funeral (a surrogate grandmother) I was 27 but I was a wreck and cried like a baby, to everyone's shock- I'm supposed to be the 'hard one'. :)

    Just go with how you feel. Whatever you write on the card, your grandfather knew what he meant to you and vice versa. Don't worry what others will think.

    Sue xx
  16. DeborahBlythe

    DeborahBlythe Registered User

    Dec 1, 2006
    Hello Louise, so sorry you are having a very sad time now. Try not to worry too much about crying at the funeral. It would be a strange funeral where nobody cried. You're allowed to cry at funerals and thank goodness. Although it will be a sad day, many people who have been through funerals say, on this site, that there is a peacefulness and beauty too as all the lovely things are said about the person. Thinking of you. Kind regards, Deborah
  17. Lila13

    Lila13 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    At my parents' funerals I was too numb for tears, and for some people they seemed to be just an excuse for a party ...
  18. Cate

    Cate Registered User

    Jul 2, 2006
    Newport, Gwent
    Hi Louise

    I recently went to the funeral of a dear aunt of mine, she had battled Cancer for three long years. She had been a second mum to me over the years. It was a massive chapter in my life closed, she was the only one left, aside from my brother, who had known me all my life, and I loved her to bits. We spent many a happy hour reminiscing of years gone by, something I am unable to do now with mum because she is so confused.

    I have to admit I dreaded the day like no other, but held it together until the very end, when I broke down and sobbed. Please don’t be afraid of your emotions, funerals are charged with emotion for everyone.

    I would write on the card whatever you want to, it doesn’t really matter that other folk may just read it, this is your tribute.

    Take care
  19. Gill W

    Gill W Registered User

    Jan 31, 2007
    Co. Durham
    Hi Louise

    My heart goes out to you honey.

    I've lost two of my grandparents in recent years, the last is suffering with Alzheimers now, and we're riding the rollercoaster ok so far.

    My dad died in 2000, and the only thing I could find to write on his card was:

    "If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be me."

    Mum just looked at me when she read it and winked at me. She knew that it meant heaps without being said in lots of words.

    Will be thinking of you on Wedndesday. You'll get through it, sugar, you're a toughie. I've read lots of your posts and I know you have a fighting spirit.

    Much love to you and your family.
  20. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    #20 Margarita, Jun 10, 2007
    Last edited: Jun 10, 2007
    Sounds lovely .

    I must admit , when I organize my father funeral , what I found most hard was to what to write on the tome stone , that was in 02

    I feel its nice to read those little cards that are left on the grave with the flowers after a funeral , because it show how much he was loved by everyone .

    last year , when my mother sister died , I did not read them who they where from , just left them they .

    The hardest part I always find hard is when the box , go into the grave , thats when I cried . as I had to organize it all last year , that I did not cry , just keep having bad dreams .

    Then when I mention this about not crying to my Untie brother in Law , he said I would do when the box went into the grave & he was right , so I lean on my son and cry my heart out , bless him he just let me cry it all out on this shoulder , hugging me

    Where with my father I did not cry , It was all new to me someone so close to me passing way , that I was more worried about comforting my children crying . when the box went into the grave & mum walling my husband , my carlo , crying out scarring us all that we all went to confront my mother

    So my advice is don't be scared of crying when your there , lean on your husband & cry if you want to .

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