1. keen2108

    keen2108 Registered User

    May 24, 2006
    17
    My dad died last Weds and I had his funeral today. It was so very sad that only one person, a former neighbour, came to send him off. My dad only has me as there is no other family. My mum, his ex wife, looked after my one year old for me.

    Three people who said they were coming didn't show.

    The minister directed the whole service directly to me and stood in front of me rather than speaking to an empty hall. He did a lovely job but speaking about my dads former job and his life was exactly what I had told him and I was hoping it would be heard by others. Nothing was a surprise as obviously they were my little stories being relayed back to me.

    What a horrible send off. My dad gave generously to a few people in his last years (hopefully intentional but you never know with Alzheimers if he really knew what he was doing). Several benefitted financially but never showed today.
     
  2. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Oh Keen, sorry that you are feeling so disappointed. Try and let it go; what is important is that you were there to say goodbye to your dad, that you supported him when he was ill, that you have some fond memories. Those that didn't show, there loss!
    Hold onto your little one tonight; he/she holds part of your father - his legacy, your future.
    Take care. Thinking of you.
    Love Helen
     
  3. dmc

    dmc Registered User

    Mar 13, 2006
    1,157
    hi keen,

    just wanted to say how sad your post made me feel, and just to echo really what amy has said, she's right when she says it was their loss
    thinking of you and your family
    take care x
     
  4. PatH

    PatH Registered User

    Feb 14, 2005
    301
    N.Ireland
    Hi Keen,
    Thinking of you and so sorry about the your dads funeral.
    Pat
     
  5. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    Keen, my condolences.

    I hope that what may have seemed painful today, might be treasured at some future point..... you have managed to recognise and share what your dad meant to you.... that others chose to or could not do, their loss ... you will always retain some 'exclusiveness' about what you did today ... for your dad, and for you.

    That 'one-year-old' will need you to tell all about their 'grandad' in future years ... THAT is the most important 'audience' to know of your dad ...... try to remember what you may have relayed to the minister at a time of deep distress..... then picture telling it again in however many years time with a smile....

    Hugest love to you, Karen (TF), x
     
  6. carol

    carol Registered User

    Jun 24, 2004
    196
    Surrey/Hampshire
    Hello Keen,

    I was so sorry to read of your dads funeral, you were all that mattered to him and you were there, and thats all that counts.

    God bless.

    Carol
     
  7. Libby

    Libby Registered User

    May 20, 2006
    625
    North East
    Oh Keen - how awful that such a sad day should feel even sadder for you.

    My dad died last year and the funeral was a very hard thing to get through, but I'm from a big family so had lots of support. I really feel for you having to go through that on your own.

    But it's over now and you need to move on with your life - make the most of your little one - at that age, he/she will soon have you smiling again.

    Libs
     
  8. Kayla

    Kayla Registered User

    May 14, 2006
    621
    Kent
    Dear Keen,
    I'm so sorry that you had to say goodbye on your own, but you have shown that you cared. Other people may have found it difficult to face a funeral, or perhaps were unwell or had good reasons for not attending.
    After my Dad died, we kept meeting up with neighbours or acquaintenances who hadn't heard of his death, even though we put a notice in the local paper. I expect you may hear from those who you felt let down by, at some time in the future.
    Take care,
    from Kayla
     
  9. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,702
    Kent
    Funerals

    Dear Keen
    First my condolences on your Dad`s deatd and my sympathy that you were so disappointed that only one Neighbour attended.

    If you don`t have a big family, friends seem to get lost as people with AD lose their social skills and their ability to communicate.

    Your Dad must have suffered for years so I just hope you can draw comfort from the knowledge that he, at least, is at peace now.

    You have devoted so much time to your Dad. Try now to have some life for yourself.

    With Love Grannie G
     
  10. Kriss

    Kriss Registered User

    May 20, 2004
    513
    Shropshire
    I'm so sorry that you have been left feeling so empty after today. Even had the circumstances been different you may still have found yourself in the same state. Funerals are not for the dead they are for the living to find a way to grieve so don't be sad for your Dad he is free now and forever at your side. You should write down all of the things the minister said for when your one year old is old enough to want to know his Grandad and meanwhile copy it here - we are all pretty good listeners.

    Stay strong
    Kriss
     
  11. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    Sorry to hear about your dad

    I also whould like to echo what Amy said

     
  12. Linda Mc

    Linda Mc Registered User

    Jul 3, 2005
    1,881
    Nr Mold
    Dear Keen

    I feel so desperately sorry about your Dad's funeral, but the one person he really cared for was there yourself. The neighbour obviously cared about him too.

    Take care of yourself and show your baby photo's of your Dad often.

    Love and hugs

    Linda x
     
  13. rummy

    rummy Registered User

    Jul 15, 2005
    700
    Oklahoma,USA
    I am so very sorry for your loss Keen. So sorry for the outcome of the funeral as well. How very dreadful for you ! Your Dad knows you showed him love and respect and try to be at peace now that he is free of this disease.
    Take care,
    Debbie
     
  14. Michael E

    Michael E Registered User

    Apr 14, 2005
    619
    Male
    Ronda Spain
    Dear Keen,

    It is hard to get over the loss of a parent - so sad and I am sorry for you.

    Just wanted to say something about men that women do not always comprehend. A lot of us (not all but a lot) actually quite like being loners. When I die and have my funeral I really do not expect anyone much to turn up and can quite believe that nobody would. I know lots of people but really do not have a single friend. Lots of relationships, fun, good companions but not really many or any that would travel far to be at my funeral so I really do not think you being alone at your dads should be so unusual.

    I have a Son and Daughter so they would possibly turn up - probably - my wife would not be able to remember who I was so would forget to turn up and that's it. Strange as it seems to a woman I really would not have it all any other way. I am not a team player - I do my own thing and really like that. Just wanted to offer a bit of the life of Michael just in case it was helpful. I think you have handled it really well and your dad would have been proud of you.

    love

    Michael
     
  15. Lila13

    Lila13 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    1,342
    There were lots of people at my mother's funeral. I'd have preferred them to come and visit 2-3 at a time while she was still alive. I haven't seen any of them since except for my brother, and we met up to take the paperwork to the solicitor's.

    One of my friends says she won't have a funeral, I said how can you prevent it, she said she will put it in her will, "no funeral", but then people might organize one without reading the will.

    Lila
     
  16. Kathleen

    Kathleen Registered User

    Mar 12, 2005
    639
    West Sussex
    Dear Keen

    I am incredibly sad for you, but the most important person in his life was there for him........You. I bet the one neighbour who did turn up has made others feel guilty.

    I agree with Kriss that it would be good for you and us to read what was said about your dear Dad at his funeral.

    When my Dad died suddenly almost 2 years ago, over 200 people attended his funeral.

    Sadly, when Mum dies, I don't expect many to attend even though they did everything together and were a much loved couple in the village, because people seem to forget our loved ones when they suffer any form of dementia or mental illness.

    They don't seem to matter any more, except, of course to we who love and care for them no matter how they seem to the rest of the world.

    Thinking of you

    Kathleen
     
  17. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    1,656
    Sheffield
    Hello Keen
    I'm sorry...I have only just seen your thread which made me feel very sad...You were at the funeral and that,s all that mattered...
    love
    Take care
    Wendy
    x
     

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