Funeral Disappointment

keen2108

Registered User
May 24, 2006
17
My dad died last Weds and I had his funeral today. It was so very sad that only one person, a former neighbour, came to send him off. My dad only has me as there is no other family. My mum, his ex wife, looked after my one year old for me.

Three people who said they were coming didn't show.

The minister directed the whole service directly to me and stood in front of me rather than speaking to an empty hall. He did a lovely job but speaking about my dads former job and his life was exactly what I had told him and I was hoping it would be heard by others. Nothing was a surprise as obviously they were my little stories being relayed back to me.

What a horrible send off. My dad gave generously to a few people in his last years (hopefully intentional but you never know with Alzheimers if he really knew what he was doing). Several benefitted financially but never showed today.
 

Amy

Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
3,454
Oh Keen, sorry that you are feeling so disappointed. Try and let it go; what is important is that you were there to say goodbye to your dad, that you supported him when he was ill, that you have some fond memories. Those that didn't show, there loss!
Hold onto your little one tonight; he/she holds part of your father - his legacy, your future.
Take care. Thinking of you.
Love Helen
 

dmc

Registered User
Mar 13, 2006
1,157
hi keen,

just wanted to say how sad your post made me feel, and just to echo really what amy has said, she's right when she says it was their loss
thinking of you and your family
take care x
 

Tender Face

Account Closed
Mar 14, 2006
5,379
NW England
Keen, my condolences.

I hope that what may have seemed painful today, might be treasured at some future point..... you have managed to recognise and share what your dad meant to you.... that others chose to or could not do, their loss ... you will always retain some 'exclusiveness' about what you did today ... for your dad, and for you.

That 'one-year-old' will need you to tell all about their 'grandad' in future years ... THAT is the most important 'audience' to know of your dad ...... try to remember what you may have relayed to the minister at a time of deep distress..... then picture telling it again in however many years time with a smile....

Hugest love to you, Karen (TF), x
 

carol

Registered User
Jun 24, 2004
196
Surrey/Hampshire
Hello Keen,

I was so sorry to read of your dads funeral, you were all that mattered to him and you were there, and thats all that counts.

God bless.

Carol
 

Libby

Registered User
May 20, 2006
625
62
North East
Oh Keen - how awful that such a sad day should feel even sadder for you.

My dad died last year and the funeral was a very hard thing to get through, but I'm from a big family so had lots of support. I really feel for you having to go through that on your own.

But it's over now and you need to move on with your life - make the most of your little one - at that age, he/she will soon have you smiling again.

Libs
 

Kayla

Registered User
May 14, 2006
621
Kent
Dear Keen,
I'm so sorry that you had to say goodbye on your own, but you have shown that you cared. Other people may have found it difficult to face a funeral, or perhaps were unwell or had good reasons for not attending.
After my Dad died, we kept meeting up with neighbours or acquaintenances who hadn't heard of his death, even though we put a notice in the local paper. I expect you may hear from those who you felt let down by, at some time in the future.
Take care,
from Kayla
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,512
Kent
Funerals

Dear Keen
First my condolences on your Dad`s deatd and my sympathy that you were so disappointed that only one Neighbour attended.

If you don`t have a big family, friends seem to get lost as people with AD lose their social skills and their ability to communicate.

Your Dad must have suffered for years so I just hope you can draw comfort from the knowledge that he, at least, is at peace now.

You have devoted so much time to your Dad. Try now to have some life for yourself.

With Love Grannie G
 

Kriss

Registered User
May 20, 2004
513
Shropshire
I'm so sorry that you have been left feeling so empty after today. Even had the circumstances been different you may still have found yourself in the same state. Funerals are not for the dead they are for the living to find a way to grieve so don't be sad for your Dad he is free now and forever at your side. You should write down all of the things the minister said for when your one year old is old enough to want to know his Grandad and meanwhile copy it here - we are all pretty good listeners.

Stay strong
Kriss
 

Linda Mc

Registered User
Jul 3, 2005
1,881
Nr Mold
Dear Keen

I feel so desperately sorry about your Dad's funeral, but the one person he really cared for was there yourself. The neighbour obviously cared about him too.

Take care of yourself and show your baby photo's of your Dad often.

Love and hugs

Linda x
 

rummy

Registered User
Jul 15, 2005
700
Oklahoma,USA
I am so very sorry for your loss Keen. So sorry for the outcome of the funeral as well. How very dreadful for you ! Your Dad knows you showed him love and respect and try to be at peace now that he is free of this disease.
Take care,
Debbie
 

Michael E

Registered User
Apr 14, 2005
619
Ronda Spain
Dear Keen,

It is hard to get over the loss of a parent - so sad and I am sorry for you.

Just wanted to say something about men that women do not always comprehend. A lot of us (not all but a lot) actually quite like being loners. When I die and have my funeral I really do not expect anyone much to turn up and can quite believe that nobody would. I know lots of people but really do not have a single friend. Lots of relationships, fun, good companions but not really many or any that would travel far to be at my funeral so I really do not think you being alone at your dads should be so unusual.

I have a Son and Daughter so they would possibly turn up - probably - my wife would not be able to remember who I was so would forget to turn up and that's it. Strange as it seems to a woman I really would not have it all any other way. I am not a team player - I do my own thing and really like that. Just wanted to offer a bit of the life of Michael just in case it was helpful. I think you have handled it really well and your dad would have been proud of you.

love

Michael
 

Lila13

Registered User
Feb 24, 2006
1,342
There were lots of people at my mother's funeral. I'd have preferred them to come and visit 2-3 at a time while she was still alive. I haven't seen any of them since except for my brother, and we met up to take the paperwork to the solicitor's.

One of my friends says she won't have a funeral, I said how can you prevent it, she said she will put it in her will, "no funeral", but then people might organize one without reading the will.

Lila
 

Kathleen

Registered User
Mar 12, 2005
639
66
West Sussex
Dear Keen

I am incredibly sad for you, but the most important person in his life was there for him........You. I bet the one neighbour who did turn up has made others feel guilty.

I agree with Kriss that it would be good for you and us to read what was said about your dear Dad at his funeral.

When my Dad died suddenly almost 2 years ago, over 200 people attended his funeral.

Sadly, when Mum dies, I don't expect many to attend even though they did everything together and were a much loved couple in the village, because people seem to forget our loved ones when they suffer any form of dementia or mental illness.

They don't seem to matter any more, except, of course to we who love and care for them no matter how they seem to the rest of the world.

Thinking of you

Kathleen
 

mel

Registered User
Apr 30, 2006
1,656
63
Sheffield
Hello Keen
I'm sorry...I have only just seen your thread which made me feel very sad...You were at the funeral and that,s all that mattered...
love
Take care
Wendy
x