Funding refused!

[Skye]

Lisa, I hope tomorrow goes well for your mum.

It won't be good for you, it's going to be so painful, but there isn't any alternative. I hope the staff are kind, and your mum settles quickly. She looks so happy in your photo, I'm sure she'll make friends, and you'll be able to enjoy your visits without stress.

Love,

 

[roundy]

She was so happy that day,she was wonderful,we had dinner,she even played playstation3 with my boys!!!have the photos to prove it!!

Oh god,will I ever have these time again??

Love me and my mum.

 

[Soup Runner]

Lisa

Please let us know how you got on today. My thoughts have been with you all day.

Soup Runner

 

[Margarita]

I was also wondering how you both got on to today with the transition of your mother going into care home ?

 

[roundy]

how we got on!!!R

Right! here goes,I am sorry if bits don't make sense or if I ramble on....

Mum was up when I got there,she hadn't had a bath and she was soaking,so ran bath and put kettle on!

Gave her a bath,carers did not turn up!(not a surprise) Then got her dressed and blow dryed her hair,gosh it seems a million years ago I fumbled and farted over her bath time and now I had it so perfectly organised,that shocked me as I was getting her dressed,am an expert now!!!

We went for lunch at the local chinese,mums request,she loved it,we laughedso much I felt like crying,this was not someone who should be going in a home! We were not at crisis point! but I guess SS thought we were,am sorry mum should have done more!!

We then came back and there was the cpn,this made it real...I was shaking,though mum still couldn't remember where she was going,bless her!
Anyway,next thing we were there,she loved her room,hope she carries on loving her room.She was so lovely,she said if I thought she was ok, she must be!! How much does she trust me,god it hurts!

After all was said and done we left,quick kiss,told her how much I loved her and I do! Got outside and the poor cpn copped for the lot!!Drove home,cried a lot,then cried some more...

Will go first thing,hope she is ok.

LOve to everyone.
Lisa.xxxxx

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Lisa

You did well.

I understand how hard it was for you, and still is. Be sure you and your mother will both have many good times together. It isn`t the end, it`s the beginning of a compromise.

Love xx

 

[Soup Runner]

Lisa

Thanks for the up date on moving your Mum into a home.
You said that when you went to collect your Mum she was soaked so obviously incontinence is a problem and this could lead to urine infections.
Now she has moved into a care home she should not be allowed to remain "soaked" for any length of time.
Remember the hoome is not a prison. You can still take Mum out for Chinese meals or shopping.
I hope she settles in okay, and you can relax a little knowing she has people around to look after her 24 hours a day.
Take care and keep posting so we know how you and your Mum are adjusting.

Soup Runner

 

[Margaret W]

Lisa, you made me cry - not your fault. You said how much your mum must trust you. It rang a bell with my mum. The one thing that kept me sane with my mum is that I was doing my best, and my little mum never once questioned what I did for her, cos she trusted me to do my best. That is the biggest compliment I have ever had in my life. You said your mum said "if you thought she was okay she must be". What a compliment my love. Your mum knows you are doing your best. My mum was the same. She hated the home at first, but she listened to me and accepted what I told her, cos she trusted me so much. My little mum died in November, but I know that she knew I was doing my best for her. Do the best for your mum, Lisa, as I know you will. And it seems your mum knows the same.

Much love

Margaret

 

[roundy]

Usually at this time I would be running to mums as her alarm has gone off,think my body clock is still in that mode....

I miss her so much and would love her to be back in her little flat,every bone in my body wants to go and get her and bring her home.

I do love her so much,don't want to watch this illness take hold of my lovely mum.

love me and my mum

 

[Royalslady]

Hi Lisa

I am glad things went as well as they could have done yesterday. What you did was only fair to your Mum. We want to keep them at home too long sometimes and that may not be what is best for them in some cases. I know it certainly wasn't right for my Mum.

I can't wait to go and see my Mum .... it has been 3 days, but feels like 3 weeks! She is settling so well, so hopefully I will be able to go this week sometime and hopefully not get the reaction my daughter did! She has not asked to leave or go home since Saturday which is fantastic.

It may seem strange to her at first, but she will settle and you will be able to go and see her as often as you like - just like you did at her flat. It will just be a different building, that is all. You can take her out as often as you like too. This is the way I am looking at it. I will still spend as much time with Mum - I will just be picking her up from a different place. I will also be reassured that when I am not there she is safe and cared for.

Hope she settles in well .... I suspect she will get used to it quicker than you will

Take care
Pat xx

 

[roundy]

horrible day!
Phoned the ch,was told mum was doing great smiling and chatting to everyone! Got there about 1pm,mum was having lunch in the dining room,sat with two people who could not feed themselves,saw the look on my mums face and got her back to her room,she was livid,calling them all nutters and what was she doing in there,have to question it myself!! I asked the home yesterday if she could have her meals in her room,so not to scare mum too much,let her get settled in her room then we can take slowly and see,they said fine,but first thing I ask for and its not done!

I have been told in the last few weeks that there is no alternative,no other option,but why?? There is a huge gap in the care section,there should be a place for my mum,where she can live independently and still have the support! They do it with young adults,where a few of them live in a normal house with carers in 24/7.Does anyone know of such a thing for young dementia in the north west?

Mum is so unhappy and wants to come home,it took all my strength not to bring her home yesterday.
Love Lisa.xx

 

[Royalslady]

I am so sorry Lisa - that must have been horrible for you both.

It must be particularly difficult for your Mum, being so much younger. My Mum can also feed herself, but then so can the other 3 residents in the CH at the moment - more are coming later this week, so we will see.

It is hard when everyone's symptoms are different and at different stages. I do hope she settles soon so you can relax a little. I must say the CH staff where Mum is have been fantastic, but I guess every place is different. I am sure you will continue to push for what is right for your Mum - all the best

Pat x

 

[Amber 5]

Hi Lisa,
I have been reading the previous posts and just wanted to send my love to you too. It sounds like this is the hardest thing ever, my heart goes out to you - my mum is still in her own home and I know that in the future things will probably have to change, so am already starting to have a look at various homes.

Your mum is young but sadly has this b*** illness which slowly changes her, so you are having to go with the changes and do what is the best to help her. I'm sure she knows you love her so much - that comes across on here loud and clear - you are there for her now just in the same way you were last week.

It is early days for you both but I do so hope that your mum settles where she is and you can begin to feel calmer and at peace with the situation.

Its really good that you can talk on here though - it is good to share!
Take care and let us know how you get on.
love Gill x

 

[debrina]

Hi Lisa, I was so happy for you that the move went as well as it did, but since, it seems the hard bit is just about to start. It seems very unfair that your mom has to have her meals with other people who are so much worse than she is, I wonder if there are other residents who are able to feed themselves, that she could sit with?. We were told that my parents could have their meals in their room if they wanted, but they discourage it because it is not socially acceptable. I have a book called 'and still the music plays', it's about people with dementia and how they overcome their difficulties in all situations, including settling into a care home. I think the author is Dr.Michael Stokes. It's an excellent book, if you can get a copy I think you may benefit, maybe your local care group has one? Just keep remembering that it is very hard for both of you, but it will get better, I promise, she just needs a lot of love and security. She trusts you, thats wonderful, just keep telling her you love her and will visit as often as you did when she lived in her flat, and she won't be soaking wet! You can always take her out for lunch and have her home to play games with your boys any time you like. Remember, it is her home, you do have a say how she lives in it. God bless, and keep talking. Love Janet xxxxx

 

[roundy]

hi all.

A quick update,mum has been in the home since monday and no I have not pinched her back in the middle of the night and brought her home although it has been so hard at times not to just get her stuff and bring her home!

She still thinks she is in a private hospital,"full of dopes" her words not mine! I have been there everyday so far and I am glad I have as she is finding it easier to talk to people once I have started the conversation and she just joins in. She is still asking when she coming home but i just say I will talk to the doctors which so far is working! I still sob all the way home but I have stopped shaking on the way and I actually was looking forward to seeing her today..not dreading what she was going to be like.

Well,its early days and we have a long,hard journey infront of us but,you know,I love her and I know she loves me, still, and we will see this awful,cruel illness out,together!!
The staff have been wonderful,even the times I have said,thats it,am taking her home,they have been gentle and kind,especially the rgn,denise,she is lovely with my mum and me and we have had a few teething problems but she has never took offense and understood.

My useless sister went today and just had her on the phone moaning about the distance,the place,the people,so I said I would get her out! Oh no,don't do that,its fine really...Hmmm,she didn't like the thought of that,wonder why!??

Anyway,I will keep going and fighting for my lovely mum and will keep posting!

Love me and my lovely mum!

 

[debrina]

Well Done!

Hi Lisa, Well done, you have got through the worst bit! You have broken the back of it, I'm so proud of you! Keep strong, you HAVE done the right thing, honest, even though it seems wrong, and the guilt never goes away, and it will get easier as you and your mom get to know other residents. The staff are there for you, don't ever hesitate to speak to them about anything that is bothering you. God bless you both.
Love Janet

 

[Grannie G]

Well done Lisa

You really are over the worst. I hope it gets easier for you.

 

[roundy]

Thankyou Janet,you have been wonderful,thankyou for all your kind words.

Just been to see my lovely mum,she has made it easy for me this week and that is just typical of her,she keeps telling me she is fine and to stop worrying,think she can see how tired I look. She is a very special person,even now,she still sees the pain and tiredness in my face. Love her so much.

I have been everyday and intend to do so for the time being,I miss being able to just bob and see her as the home is a good half hour drive,this was the only young dementia unit in the area,needs to be more done for early onset,oh but don't let me get onto that! Will bore you stiff.

Anyway thanks again,I will keep posting!
Love me and my mum.

 

[Royalslady]

Hi Lisa

Good to hear things are getting better. It does ease the worry somewhat!

I hope you Mum continues to settle in and that you are able to enjoy your times with her.

Thank you for the posts on my thread - Mum is doing well.

Love Pat xx