Mum has been refused funding today for the young dementia unit that I had chosen for her.They agree with the need for mum to be here but have no money in the pot to fund it!!!
Why! Why! Why! Cant do it anymore!
Iam so sorry, you are right to be devastated,the funding system stinks to high heaven.
The new year for funding starts in March so if you can find the strength to fight on for a wee while you might find your Mum at the top of the list.
I must be having my very own senior moment. Assuming that your LA agree that your mother needs this placement and they have done a financial assessment that shows that she's eligible for funding, they cannot refuse to pay on the basis of not having funds. That's the basis of the document Charging for Residential Accommodation and local governments HAVE to follow it. You will have to complain loudly and vociferously through your LA complaints procedure but I also think you need further assistance in your corner - I can quite see them spinning this out until they do have funds and that's not acceptable. Please call the Alzheimer's Society helpline - they will be able to direct you to resources. http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents.php?categoryID=200273
This really ticks me off because they know full well they have to provide this funding, but they're counting on you not knowing it.
Incidentally - I notice you give your location as Southport - that wouldn't be Sefton Metropolitan Borough Council would it by any chance? The people help the aged took to court? If it is, clearly they haven't learned their lesson.
Thankyou. but I have only just stopped crying and am the one who doesnt want
my mum in home. I want to get off this roller coaster now I just can't fight anymore. The bad thing is this home has only a couple of beds left,I can'tput her in an "old peoples home".She is not old!! Does nobody get this.Am so tired don't know if I can do it.I don't sleep,don't eat, watch and over watch every move my mum makes,waiting for any change. And then this. Want to roll over and not have to face all this in the morning!!But Know I will...how much more can me and my mum take!! Though she knows nothing of anything!
Cant imagine what your going through. Just hold your ground I have PM you earlier. Things will get better it is so important that you get the right place for your mum. Dont be pushed into anything. Does your mum go to a day centre.
It is 5.30am and just got back from mums,she had bad night. But while I was sat there till she fell asleep I made a list of all the things am going to do today and who am going to call,was so upset yesterday,because social services are the one who want mum in a home and now they are saying no funding, well, am not going to accept it.She deserves to be in a place which is age appropriate and illness appropriate. If I have to fight for her I will. I have fought so many battles for her in the last year,mostly financial,I can do one more!! So I have my list,thanks to all your advice,my phone is going to be red hot tomoz!! Hubby just come down,he gets so worried,I have got so much to stay positive for and to be thankful for.So going to pick myself up,again!, and keep going!
Thankyou all so much for your support.
When I was fighting for the free NHS Continuing Healthcare for mum I included my MP in the list of people I was working with.
It was not a magic bullet but his input was important to the satisfactory outcome. He was able to contact people at the top of the NHS (and SS) who otherwise would have had no interest in concluding mum’s case. So pressure was applied from people at the top and bottom to conclude mum’s funding concern.
If you decide to involve your MP, do go and look him in the eye. Do tell him the System is not working for his constituent and you need his help to get the healthcare your mum is entitled to, and thought she had been paying for through her National Insurance.
Don’t expect to get anything worthwhile out of one meeting. You have to keep going back and, whilst pointing out how very helpful he is being, reminding him you are relying on him to use his considerable influence to sort out the lack of funding from the top.
There is a website called ************ an invaluable site for anyone fighting for funding for their loved ones. Once on the site if you scroll down to the Steve Squires photo and info, there is a link to the forum 'Free NHS Care Information'the people using this forum are people in the same position as yourself who will be more than willing to guide you through the maze.
Hi Lisa, I've just read your email. I can't imagine how you must be feeling. It puts my concerns in the shade, and brought tears to my eyes. What I would like to say is this: If you know God, say a prayer and ask for His help, I KNOW from personal experience it does work, not necessarily immedialtely, which I know is what you want, but if you ask for guidance and put some trust in Him, believe me, He will listen, and He will help if you let Him. I find church helps me enormously, and I know it's not everyones 'cup of tea', but if you give it a chance, I'm sure you would find comfort too. But please don't give up.
Love and prayers.
Thankyou all for your advice.
Debrina. I do know god and have always been a fan but of late I have had to question his judgement! My boys go to a church school and it has always been an important part of my life..but I don't think he likes what am praying for.(don't want my mum to suffer any longer) We are regular church goers but am afraid christmas eve I did sit there and wonder what it was all about! My boys asked why I had stopped singing,couldn't tell them,I wanted to scream "Where are you now when I need you!" So haven't been since, don't intend to go back for the time being.
Love and thankyou again.Lisa.xx
I want to get off this roller coaster now I just can't fight anymore so tired
I remember thinking and saying that so many times but thank God I did not, It took me almost a year to get my Husband now 59 in to the care home I wanted for him now when I look at him I know
it was well worth the fight
I went for our member of parliment then I got all the local councilers any party when I finaly got him in the home I wanted
they said they had never had so many letters from so many people and who did I know on the council
I think they just got feedup with my phone calls
Good luck you can dothis Margaret xxxxxxxx
Lisa, don't give up, keep asking, keep praying, keep bugging. I will pray for you and your family, but please don't throw God away. I have been where you are, maybe not so bad, but I suffered a nervous breakdown and had to give up my job to look after both my parents and my uncle who had cancer, all at the same time. My mom has vascular dementia, my dad has no short term memory and is elderly frail. I wanted to commit suicide. One time I had 20 phone calls in 20 minutes from my mom and dad, I felt as you did, I couldn't go on, I was screaming at God, why don't you help me? I phoned my brother who lives in Norfolk and told him it's me or her, I can't do it any more, he came straight over and soon after both my parents were in a care home, then the guilt sets in ............................! I am lucky, I have the support of 2 brothers and a sister, they all live miles away and they always come if there's a problem. See, I was the mug, I stayed put near my parents so everything fell on me. Now the guilt never goes away, but they are looked after better than I could do. I kept going to church, I made many freinds, my parents were put on the prayer list, everyone there asks me often how they are and if I need it I can always talk to some one there, and it really does help, they are all so kind,and it's amazing how many other peole I have found with relatives with dementia. I do feel a lot better now, much more calm and happier, they have been in the home for 4 years now and the carers are excellent. I do hope you can find peace soon. Please keep us informed of any progress. Keep smiling!
Debrina,Don't worry I won't turn my back on God completely, my mum is on the prayer tree in church and our vicar who is a close friend and neighbor always says she is praying for mum. But just have to question it all sometimes. You sound like you have had it really tough there, my heart goes out to you but its good to see when someone comes out the other side and is now as positive as you are.
Thankyou for all your kind words,I have picked myself up, dusted myself down ,as I have had to so many times in the last year and I will keep going and fighting for my mum. She was crying when I got there today,I wish I could take it all away for her...she didnt know why she was crying so I just hugged he till she stopped,breaks my heart.But we will keep going and smiling!!
I was told last week that funding for the home had been refused,the saw the need but there was "no money in the pot"...was devastated. Just for the fact that SS are the ones who are saying I have to put her in home and when I pick one that is age appropriate for mum(they have a young dementia unit) they say it too expensive,but it was mums cpn who told me about this place in the first place and told to go and have a look!