Full time Carer to my Mother now for 5 years

[citybythesea]

KAtswhiskers,

I have been reading this post over the last few days. I am so sorry you are in the situation you are. It did not become this way over nite nor will it change overnite. I suggest that you seriously look into getting her some medical attention NOW. I would not bother with her being angry at that point, have them do the exam. If she is competant then you must get yourself out of that house and take care of yourself, if she is not then YOU need to make it very aware that she is violent towards you and the only way you can care for her is with help.

Please if you don't see the above happening get yourself some help. She can take care of herself for a few hours of the day, yYOU owe yourself to find someone who can be there face to face with you. YOU need that. No one can go on taking care of a prent without support. Not the strongest person could even watch their parent disappear before their eyes into a total stranger.

My mother has severe AD she is at home I am a strong person emotionallly but even I cannot handle it every day...and my mother was never violent like yours.

PLEASE GET HELP. The advice TP members can give you is genuine and all of us care about both the AD patient and the carer, but we can't help you in the way you need. We're only at your computer. Please walk away from the computer today and call a social worker, tell her everything you have told us...she should see that something needs to be done. And if that one doesn't help you go to another one till you find one. A squeaky wheel gets the oil and you have to be squeaky to others in the sector.

Please don't take offense katswhiskers, I know you are tired of all this, we are just trying to get you to help yourself. You deserve it and if I lived over there and knew you I promise I would be a squeaky wheel for you. Perhaps if you need someone to go with you your neighbor would help out as he has seen her tantrums.

Pleas get some help.

HUGS @ PRAYERS to you

Nancy

 

[SusanB]

Hello, there

Margarita - your lack of tact does you no favours. I concur with katswhisker's posts - I know you didn't mean to be rude but your aggression is pretty shocking, given the general tone of support on this site.

OK. Stop being nice. If your Mum starts to attack you dial 999, then the proverbial s*** will hit the fan. Your Mum fools everyone except you - did you tell the GP that she had attacked you? Did you tell the Social Worker?

I don't agree with the way that Margarita has spoken to you but I agree with her frustration...STOP putting up with it...NOW!!!

Hop up and down and please get your Mum removed from your daily care. You sound like a caring and kind lady who has, in fairness, faced a great deal of sadness in her life and now you are facing mental illness full on and may be struggling to deal with it in the real world. God knows, we're all like that - turning round really to face reality. You can no longer look after your Mum.

I took my Mum out to lunch today. Her confusion and lack of awareness of life continues to shock and upset me but I'm dealing with it. With support.

Please do the same.

 

[Skye]

Dear Mary

Sorry I haven't been around so much. I've been reading your thread, and I find it very disturbing.

Disturbing because tempers have been raised, and I can't understand why. Mary needs our support, not lectures and accusations. She has enough to cope with, without us adding to her stress.

I'm also very disturbed Mary by the fact that your mum is attacking you physically. I think you need to demand a review by the psychiatrist. Tranquillisers might help, but it does sound as if antipsychotics would be more appropriate.

In my opinion, and I'm no expert, your mum should be in an assessment centre so that they can stabilise her.

Please keep putting pressure on the medics, they are really the only ones who can help.

Love,

 

[KatsWhiskers]

Nancy Skye and Hazel

Hello again.

I really do appreciate all you say and now it's come to the situation we're in now - I can see that something has to be done now.

So ....
Am pleased to say that after speaking to Mum's Psychiatrist over the 'phone - she recommended that an Antipsychotic be prescribed immediately and that I take Mum to see her next week.

I also called our doctor first thing - and he very kindly came at 11.30 (I was so grateful to him). He gave her a little test (whether it's psychosomatic - I'm not sure but Mum has been better since his visit). I started her on the new medication this evening. Hopefully this will calm her down and she won't have these violent tantrums.

I'm hoping that Social Services will finish her assessment when I see them in the morning. If Mum refuses any help from them - then I most certainly won't. Even if it means I can get our for a few hours - it would be great.

I didn't sleep a wonk last night - laying listening for her to creep into my bedroom and start hitting me with her walking stick !! But I'd taken one up myself and had it in bed with me in case !

Not sure how long this medication will take to get into her system - but I hope it's soon.

Love and hugs

Mary

I wish you well and send you hugs and good wishes and again thanks.

Mary

 

[SusanB]

Hi Hazel,

Daughters/sons of dementia sufferers who in effect do nothing and think it's their "lot" will always invite comment, whether positive or not. None of us want to have a go at Katwhiskers, we just want what's best for her (sorry to talk about you like you're not here, Mary)

Now you're doing something, Mary. Your support from me is 100%. But please don't think that just because you've been looking after your Mum for the last 5 years the situation needs to continue. The single fact that she is becoming violent would ring loud alarm bells to me. Take care.
Susan

 

[daughter]

My Mum used to hide from my Dad when he became aggressive, she was frightened and who wouldn't be? You've been really brave Mary, it's very hard when you're losing control of a situation but you've taken the positive step and asked for help for your Mum and for yourself. I'm sure everyone reading your post tonight is feeling relieved for you. I hope all goes well tomorrow with the assessment.

Best wishes,

 

[Skye]

So ....
Am pleased to say that after speaking to Mum's Psychiatrist over the 'phone - she recommended that an Antipsychotic be prescribed immediately and that I take Mum to see her next week.

So glad to hear this, Mary. Well done for taking action.

The antipsychotics should have some effect immediately, though I believe they take some time for the full effect to be felt. It's good that you've got an appointment next week -- don't pull any punches, tell them how awful it is.

And if the pills don't make a difference, don't hesitate to ring again and tell them. You've got some support now, make the most of us.

love,

 

[KatsWhiskers]

Skye

Hello Skye

I actually went out to SS this morning leaving mum on her own and even did some shopping on the way back. When i came home there were signs that shed been down as the daily paper had been picked up.
Shes sleeping right now. Just hope the tablets are working.
The next appointment with her psychiatrist will be very important as it's her assessment that really matters.

I wish you well with your problem and trust you yourself are ok ?

Hugs - Mary - with a ginger Persian wrapped around my neck purring loudly in my ear (such a lovely sound ) whilst trying to type and with only 3" x 5" of monitor space ! lol

 

[Skye]

Hi Mary

It does sound as if the pills are working. Fingers crossed!

I like the sound of your 'comforter'!

We've had more problems today, I'm afraid. I'll post on my thread, to keep my records straight.

Love,

 

[KatsWhiskers]

Hello Hazel

AAm so sorry to hear you're having problems too. Am thinking of you.

Mary

 

[KatsWhiskers]

Amberence

Hello there

I do so hope you had an enjoyable week off.

Am wondering how things were for your Mother in the Care Home. Was she ok ?

Kind regards


Mary

 

[KatsWhiskers]

Good morning nice people

Gee - why does my mother try to wind me up every morning and ruin my day??

She has just said to me " I hope you've told your friend that he's not welcome here anymore ?!" To which I replied I think perhaps you should do that yourself.

This 'friend' is a lovely gentleman from Norway who I've been known for 2 years. We actually 'met' online playing Scrabble. He's never married; is kind; good company; considerate and makes me laugh. He comes over about every 12 weeks. Mum took to him initially - but now (for some reason unbeknown to me) shes dislikes him immensely. He was no trouble while here but she stayed away until we went out for an hour or two - which was her choice.
He slept in the guestroom - always does because he respects Mum (or did). As I mentioned before Mum is telling anyone she sees that 'we slept together in HER house'. If we did - it's none of her business as I'm not a child. To be honest he doesn't attract me physically and although I'm extremely fond of him we could never relax.

She has gone up to her room now to write him a letter. Seems she's eaten up with hatred.

Oh well - at least he understands the situation and now things are on the move - we are planning to go away somewhere once I have cover.

The Antipsychotic seems to be working - even after just 2 days - She's quieter and is sleeping longer and no volent outbursts. Thank goodness.

How are you all today ?

I send you all my love

xxx Mary

 

[SusanB]

Hi Mary

Glad to hear that things are calmer and long may they continue. I'm hoping also that you are now involving external support (even to the extent of considering a care home for your Mum) as you deserve a good life.

I have no experience of the sorts of drugs that you mention. My own Mum (without her knowledge) takes an anti-depressant which has also calmed her down. She used to be angry about everything and now seems a bit more cheerful.

Your friend sounds like a nice chap, I think. Sorry to read that your Mum behaved so badly during his visit, though.

 

[KatsWhiskers]

SusanB

Hello Sisan
Nice to hear from you.
Am waiting for Mum's appointment with her Psychiatrist when she will again be assessed - then it's up to the Phy to advise wat is best for her.

Mum was prescribed Aricept when it first became available which is supposed to delay the symptoms of Alzheimers. She's also on an anti-depressant and now this new one for Skitzoprenia (can't spell that today).

How are you getting along ?


Mary

 

[Skye]

Hi Mary

Glad the antipsychotics are working, at least you shouldn't have as much aggression to cope with.

Also glad that your friendship hasn't suffered, and that you're planning a holiday together. Get it fixed as soon as possible, you deserve it. And who knows?

Love,

 

[christine_batch]

Dear Mary,
My husband who is in the last stages of AD and in EM.I. Unit.
Peter used to love the Grandchildren coming.
When he was diagnoised, if they came to our house he was indifferent to them.
First that really upset me but looking at it from Peter's point of view - they were taking time that he objected too.
When I go to see Peter and I am at the Nurse Station, there is a little old lady who I always say hello and goodbye to as she sits near there.
A couple of weeks ago as I was talking to the Staff Nurse, she came up to me fists in the air and said "I am going to kill you".
All I could say was "that's not very nice Elizabeth" in a firm voice and she went away and sat down.
Perhaps your Mother sees your friend as a threat ?
I wish you well and sincerely hope you can soon have a break from the Caring role.
Take care
Best wishes
Christine

 

[KatsWhiskers]

Christine-Batch

Hello Christine.

Am sorry to learn that your husband is a sufferer - and of course you to having to have cared for him. It's heartbreaking when they 'change' isn't it.

I know Mum see's my friend as a threat - yes. She imagines that he's taking the time I spend looking after her - away.

Like you just feel that you've 'lost' your husband - I too feel that I'v lost my Mum.

Kind regards and a hug

Mary

 

[KatsWhiskers]

Antipsychotics

Hi all

Hope you are all coping ok ?

Since my Mum's last outburst last weekend when she tried to strangle me for the thirs time ! I'm pleased to say that she has been prescribed Amisulpride which has helped tremendously. She's quieter and is sleeping better.

Her Psychiatrist is arranging for her CPN to visit. Mum doesn't like the idea at all but it has to be done. With a view to arranging for me to have some respite (unbeknown to Mum)

Social Services are visiting again next week.

As you can see. I havn't hardened but have come to my senses as no way could I cope alone any longer.

Our doctor is checking me out now (like a car needing an MOT)as he believes that I would of had a nervous breakdown if the circumstances didn't change.

I wish you all a good weekend.

Love
Mary

 

[SusanB]

Well done, Mary

It sounds like things are starting to move for you, so that you can start to have some sort of life.

Also, you're now on the "alarm bells ringing" radar of the doctor and the social services so that you'll have somewhere to turn if things get bad.

Susan

 

[KatsWhiskers]

Susan B

Yes Susan

Things are on the move. I don't think I could of made any of these changes unless I'd had help from you or from the many others that have responded to my plight.

Thank you again.

I relaise I still have a tough time ahead and the thought of placing Mum in a Care Home terrifies me. I just hope that we can afford to let her be somewhere where she can be treated with dignity and proper care - without being distressed.

Love

Mary