Full time Carer to my Mother now for 5 years

KatsWhiskers

Registered User
Feb 8, 2007
153
74
Ramsgate - Kent
Yes I understand how difficult it must be for your son.
I actually have a brother somewhere - but he's very conveniently 'disappeared' !? He just doesn't want to know and what's ironic is that he would be the only person that Mum would have stay with her.

I mentioned earlier about Social Services. Am sure they do their best but they have no comprehension at all s to how it is for us people having to be with someone 24/7 for 5 years without a break. Even the carers who are paid to do our job - work their hours and go back home to their families where they can relax and forget about work until the next day.

How do they explain the fact that they consider Mum to be safe on her own - it's rediculous. Am going to call them tomorrow but shall have to calm down or else I'll end up rowing with them.

Anyway off to my bed now and hopefully won't be awoken too many times during the night.

X Mary
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,137
Kent
Dear Mary.

If social services consider your mother is safe on her own, wouldn`t you take them at their word and get a bit of life back for yourself.

Perhaps your mother is using emotional blackmail to keep you in order. I would be inclined to go out occasionally and see if it has any effect on her attitude.

I still leave my husband, to attend the relative`s support group. I ask him to come with me. He says he will, but then at the eleventh hour, chooses not to. I feel it is very important for me to go, so I go alone.
 

KatsWhiskers

Registered User
Feb 8, 2007
153
74
Ramsgate - Kent
Grannie

Thers no way that Mum's could be on her own. I'm the only person who sees how she is 24/7. SS call and she's a totally different person.
How could I possibly go out knowing that she's not safe ? I would feel so guilty if anything happened. Supposing she fell; supposing she burnt herself.

I went out to the dentist a week ago and came home to a house full of gas.

Thanks anyway. I suppose we are all different as our our loved ones who have this disease.

x Mrty
 

KatsWhiskers

Registered User
Feb 8, 2007
153
74
Ramsgate - Kent
Am so frustrated

After getting Mum to bed - I look forward to an hour or so when I can relax (albeit am listening out for her to call down or to appear) and lo and behold five minutes ago - she appeared. She was standing in the doorway naked and with the TV remote in her hand saying she couldn't turn her TV off. I saw her back upstairs and showed her how to do it - yet again.
Just sat down again and she appeared again - still naked and still with the remote saying she couldn't switch the light off in her room. Back up I went showed her where the wall switch was and so she got back into bed.


I'm sorry - but I'm tired. Tired of having to put up with this - and then once I get to bed - the same thing. Last night she came in to my room - shook me awake and asked me if it was wednesday? Just got back to sleep again and heard her unlocking the front door as she's heard the doorbell again !!!

Tghis is why I'm so adamant that Mum is not able to be alone in the house - especially over night. Albeit Social Services have offered her all kinds of help which she refuses I still think that they are very wrong to come to the opinion that she is safe to be on her own because I know otherwise !

Mum get's terribly confused and the SS never see this !

Sorry - just had to get it off my chest to anyone thats about.

I wish you and your loved ones a good night

Hugs

Mary
 

KatsWhiskers

Registered User
Feb 8, 2007
153
74
Ramsgate - Kent
Am so frustrated

After getting Mum to bed in the evenings - I look forward to an hour or so when I can relax (albeit am listening out for her to call down or to appear) and lo and behold five minutes ago - she appeared. She was standing in the doorway naked and with her TV remote in her hand - saying she couldn't turn her TV off. I saw her back upstairs and yet again showed her how to do it.
Just sat down again and she appeared again - still naked and still with the remote saying she couldn't switch the light off in her room. Back up I went - showed her where the wall switch was - and she got back into bed.

I'm tired. Tired of having to put up with this - and then once I do get to bed - am woken up. Last night she came in to my room - shook me awake to ask if it was wednesday? Just got back to sleep again and heard her unlocking the front door as she's heard the doorbell again !!!

This is why I'm adamant that Mum is not able to be alone in the house - especially over night. Albeit Social Services have offered her all kinds of help which she refuses I still think that they are very wrong to come to the opinion that she is safe to be on her own - because I know otherwise !

Mum get's terribly confused and the SS never see this !

Sorry - just had to get it off my chest to anyone thats about.

I wish you and your loved ones a good night

Hugs

Mary
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,137
Kent
Dear Mary

I don`t know how you cope. This behaviour would drive me up the wall. I wish I could think of something brilliant to make life easier for you but I`m stumped.
I`m so sorry.
Love xx
 

KatsWhiskers

Registered User
Feb 8, 2007
153
74
Ramsgate - Kent
Thanks Sylvia

Hello Sylvia

Thanks for responding - was a sort of cry for help but I've calmed down now. It's so good to know this site is here and there are people who care.

I don't know how I cope at times - but they say God gives us the strength which reminds me of the lovely poem .......

'Footprints In the Sand'

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.

This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,

“You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”

The Lord replied, “The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.”
 

Gretchen

Registered User
Sep 4, 2008
2
Central Wisconsin
I just joined today and read your note about your mom. It is so difficult - I have had time with my daughter, not living with her, let alone 5 yrs. like you. However, this disease is so difficult to understand and a care giver, a most stressful life. Being 2 hrs driving time away, and not able to care for her daily....through searching, found people who can care for her in her apt. clean, grocery shop etc. She is 48 I am 67.
Finally......I just had to let go. I still am grieving....as I don't understand and hoping this will give me support.
Your life is too short, you are stressed and rightfully so. You will always love your mother as she loves you too. Perhaps assisted living is best ?
 

Margarita

Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
10,824
london
Welcome to TP Gretchen , so sorry to read that your daughter has dementia, how devastating for you of course for your daughter

I am sure that your find lots of support on TP
 

KatsWhiskers

Registered User
Feb 8, 2007
153
74
Ramsgate - Kent
Grechen

Many thanks for your message.
Am so sorry to learn about your traumatic problem - especially when it's one's own daughter. We can accept that it's one of our parents or an older relative that we have to look after with this dreadful disease,

I wish you all the best for the future,

Kind regards

Mary
 

cariad

Registered User
Sep 29, 2007
89
Hello Katswhiskers,
Forgive me if this has already been suggested! My mam too refuses help (as there's nothing wrong with her), we have recently got her into respite (I truly am amazed!). It was easier than we thought. The Dr told her she needed to go to hospital for tests (we said with her arthritis but you get the idea). Once in respite, the staff 'assessed' her and she was none the wiser.
I hope you get a break soon.You said in an earlier post you wished you could read your mother's mind (as she was). I too have wondered this about my mam. I know she'd have hated respite and carers and the rest of it. But what she would have hated more was to hurt me.

Take care, berni x
 

KatsWhiskers

Registered User
Feb 8, 2007
153
74
Ramsgate - Kent
Berni

Hello again.

Yes all kinds of help have been offered both to Mum and to me but she's adamant that no one comes to the house. And as for leaving her home - that is totally out of the question. She sees a lady Psychiatrist every 3 months for assessment and has been assured that no one can make her leave her home unless she agrees to it.


She's 89 now and I'm resigned to the fact that my life is on hold. She's my Mum and every day I notice a deterioration - it's so sad.

Good wishes to you
Mary