I am reaching a point that I can't go on any more. My mum is slipping further and further away. But on her "lucid" days she hates her care home, hates me, thinks she is fine and wants to kill herself. She's tried to do this twice now and that alone is heartbreaking. But when looks at me and says "I want to live with you" my heart breaks all over again. I left her today looking utterly devastated and its broken me again. I never knew a heart could break so many times over and over again.
My mum needs 24 hour care due to the FTD and associated mental illnesses such as delusions and paranoia. I work full time and can't afford not to. My mum would never want me to give my life up to care for her and I'm sure I couldn't manage it full time. But seeing her like this makes me think I should find a way to be her carer again.
There is no solution here. I know I just have to do all I can to help her whilst this disease takes her away. But when your best isn't even close to good enough that feels fairly useless. I just miss my mummy
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My mum needs 24 hour care due to the FTD and associated mental illnesses such as delusions and paranoia. I work full time and can't afford not to. My mum would never want me to give my life up to care for her and I'm sure I couldn't manage it full time. But seeing her like this makes me think I should find a way to be her carer again.
There is no solution here. I know I just have to do all I can to help her whilst this disease takes her away. But when your best isn't even close to good enough that feels fairly useless. I just miss my mummy
Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point