Frustration

[Crag]

I don't know whether it's because the dark nights have come in but Dad's Alzheimer's is giving me some grief again, not that it hasn't been bad enough anyway.
He's not been up to too much mischief through the summer, but he's back to not thinking he is at home, not recognising when it's morning or night, or those around him, and getting up in the early hours waking mum up at all hours. And she's shattered and getting upset by it all. She's with him all day, so I'm around in the evenings after I finish work to give her some break
I don't know whether a water infection brought things back. He was admitted to hospital a month or so ago for feeling ill and vomiting, but the longer they kept him in the worse his memory got.
Some days whilst he was in there he'd claim to have been back at work all day, and nothing he mentioned was from present day. In some ways I couldn't wait for him to get out of there.
He was back to how he was before he went in as soon as he got home, yet the doctors letter for the GP stated his Alzheimer's had accelerated, which is so frustrating to read.
I just find myself beating myself up trying to come up with things to keep him occupied, trying to keep mum from getting upset, but getting myself wound up when other family members won't spare the time.
Maybe it's me getting tired and feeling sorry for myself, but it's getting me down not knowing if I'm doing right or wrong.

 

[Cat27]

Have you thought about your dad going to day care to give your mum a break during the day?

 

[Shedrech]

Hi Crag
do not beat yourself up
you're doing the best you can
You're being a grand support to your mum
The fact is, caring is tough, and maybe with the winter nights drawing close, it brings it all into high relief.
Maybe you could ask for a re-assessment of needs?
Maybe talk seriously with mum especially and consider some/more home care visits. We tend to resist having others in our homes - but the right visit can take some of the strain eg morning to get up, washed etc so that the day doesn't start with this quite physical stress for your mum.
And maybe day care - so that your mum gets at least a day a week to have some time for herself.
At least see the GP as maybe some meds could help him be more settled during the night. You all need your sleep.
I'm sorry you feel other family might do more - sadly this is often a source of frustration and disappointment - and probably won't change, so expect little and any support will amaze you.
No answers, I'm afraid - much sympathy though

 

[Coffee time]

As I found to my continual insistence on trying to keep the status quo eventually the tiredness sets in and then the whole system breaks down. Only now after Dad went into respite care recommended by the social worker for those with dementia did we realise how tired we all were. I didn't want to leave him there but for my own well being and that of my Mothers it was a decision made for me. It's worked out ...Mums had a break,Dads had a break and we now have a "holiday" every 12 weeks. My heart goes out to you after a day at work and then the mental anguish of helping your parents. My first contact was with social services.
Then I took the recommendation for a 7 days respite. I then took Mum out for a day out on her own ..just the two of us. In that way the brothers and sister didn't get on my nerves so much because we actually had time out. Finally having beaten myself up more times than I can remember for failing ...I have now found this site, and the help and support is the difference between me being sane and me failing my parents.
Time out Crag, step by step!

I don't know whether it's because the dark nights have come in but Dad's Alzheimer's is giving me some grief again, not that it hasn't been bad enough anyway.
He's not been up to too much mischief through the summer, but he's back to not thinking he is at home, not recognising when it's morning or night, or those around him, and getting up in the early hours waking mum up at all hours. And she's shattered and getting upset by it all. She's with him all day, so I'm around in the evenings after I finish work to give her some break
I don't know whether a water infection brought things back. He was admitted to hospital a month or so ago for feeling ill and vomiting, but the longer they kept him in the worse his memory got.
Some days whilst he was in there he'd claim to have been back at work all day, and nothing he mentioned was from present day. In some ways I couldn't wait for him to get out of there.
He was back to how he was before he went in as soon as he got home, yet the doctors letter for the GP stated his Alzheimer's had accelerated, which is so frustrating to read.
I just find myself beating myself up trying to come up with things to keep him occupied, trying to keep mum from getting upset, but getting myself wound up when other family members won't spare the time.
Maybe it's me getting tired and feeling sorry for myself, but it's getting me down not knowing if I'm doing right or wrong.

 

[Crag]

Thanks for the replies. This forum is a great help, and I read a lot more than I post, but the more lethargic I feel the less I get on here.

I have spoke to Mum for quite some time now about day care etc, but I've a feeling there's too much pride swallowing to do before she'd seek such help, which probably adds to my frustration. It's like having to care for two, but it's a case of just having to crack on