Frustration

emlem20

New member
Jan 8, 2020
1
0
I live with my grandparents and my grandfather was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s early last year. He has always been one to tell the same stories and things of that sort so we weren’t surprised when he was diagnosed. In the last year he has become a completely different person. Before he never argued with my grandmother because he didn’t feel like listening to it, hated sweets, and was quite the handy man. Now, he will argue until he is blue in the face and tells my grandmother constantly to leave and not come back and that he knows way more than she will ever know. All he wants to eat is fast food/junk food, and can barely work a drill. A few months ago they traded in his larger truck for a smaller one, which he picked out, but he insists it is not his truck. My grandmother does not know how to talk in a calm manner, yelling is her normal way of communicating and it only escalates his verbally aggressive behavior. No matter how many times I tell her not to fuel the fire, she does it anyway and acts like he is being nasty towards her on purpose. He does not drive anymore because he doesn’t remember how to get anywhere. And she constantly reminds him, especially when they are yelling at eachother, of his memory loss and calls him “Dr. Jykle and Mr. Hyde.” I work full time and I’m worried things will escalate during one of their screaming matches and he will physically hurt her.

I don’t know what to do because he can’t listen to me and she will not. I can’t afford to move out and honestly, I continue to live here because I’m afraid of what might happen if I were to move. There have been nights that I have taken my dog and just drove somewhere and slept in my car to get away from the fighting.

anyone have suggestions on how to manage this Hot Mess Express of household?
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
7,342
0
Nottinghamshire
Welcome to Dementia Talking Point @emlem20

I notice you’re posting at 3.32 UK time but I’m not sure if this is because you’re awake in the wee hours or you’re not from the UK? Advice will be different if you’re not living in England.

what a horrible situation you’re in! My first thought is that maybe your grandmother has some sort of dementia too and this is why she won’t/can’t listen to reason. We have a thread on here which is designed to help diffuse difficult situations but I’m not sure how well it will work in your situation. Worth a try though.

https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/compassionate-communication-with-the-memory-impaired.30801/

I hope it helps!
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,018
0
South coast
Hello @emlem20 and welcometo DTP

I too wondered whether you were not in UK due to your reference to trucks!
If you are in UK, then I was wondering whether your grandma might find it helpful to go with your grandad to a dementia cafe where she could talk to other carers, but Im not sure what the equivalent elswhere would be.

Many people think that dementia is just memory loss, but as you have discovered, there is much, much more than that. The anger and nastiness, the loss of skills and the change in taste so that they crave sweet or salty food are all symptoms of dementia. I also suspect from what you have written that he is unable to understand that he has dementia (another symptoms)

I think your grandma might find Teepa Snow helpful, She has lots of clips on you tube and is very knowledgable and down to earth. Heres a good one to start you off