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Frustration at 30 person funeral limit

nick97

Registered User
Feb 16, 2020
58
0
Forgive me, I know it's not a new observation and that it's been the same for everybody, and I know others have made similar threads, but this is really upsetting me right now.

I don't know when mum's funeral is going to be yet, but the limit of 30 people is really bothering me. Mum was popular in the village and had things been normal, the church would have been a lot fuller; yet now it will be very sparse.

And I understand why it's like that, but it doesn't make it any less frustrating.

I'll have word go round the village of the time and date of funeral - whenever it will be - and hope that some people will at least be in the street when the hearse drives through.

It's really bugging me though 😔
 

nick97

Registered User
Feb 16, 2020
58
0
A memorial service later on... of course. Why did I not think of that? @jennifer1967 you're a genius. I already feel better 🤗

That's what I'll do and I'm going to start telling people that today; plus I might be more composed in a few months. Jen you're my hero 😌
 

love.dad.but..

Registered User
Jan 16, 2014
4,806
0
Kent
I know of a couple of people whose parent died last year when the max was 6 allowed and they immediately said a memorial service and celebration of their life would be organised when all restrictions are lifted and that seems a wonderful idea.
 

Andy69

Registered User
Feb 21, 2021
23
0
Guildford
Forgive me, I know it's not a new observation and that it's been the same for everybody, and I know others have made similar threads, but this is really upsetting me right now.

I don't know when mum's funeral is going to be yet, but the limit of 30 people is really bothering me. Mum was popular in the village and had things been normal, the church would have been a lot fuller; yet now it will be very sparse.

And I understand why it's like that, but it doesn't make it any less frustrating.

I'll have word go round the village of the time and date of funeral - whenever it will be - and hope that some people will at least be in the street when the hearse drives through.

It's really bugging me though 😔
Hi NIck.i think I’m lucky as my dads funeral is on Monday coming and that’s only 2 weeks from when e passed away. But we can only have 17 guests all toll. But I think dad would have preferred that. Stay strong.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
14,939
0
South coast
My OH is still with me, but I decided during the first lockdown that if OH died when there were restriction on funerals then I would have a direct cremation and then, later, have a memorial service/celebration of life combined with internment of his ashes.
 

Spamar

Registered User
Oct 5, 2013
7,584
0
Suffolk
OH died several years ago, but I have ‘attended’ two funerals recently that have been online. One was very good, a mobile camera to catch everything that happened. The other, I think the church was doing it on the cheap. Only one camera so no view of people coming in and it only showed four people of those allowed.
However, I was very pleased to ‘attend’ both services.
 

nick97

Registered User
Feb 16, 2020
58
0
Well I guess it is actually presumptuous of me to assume 30+ would turn up anyway; because despite mum knowing most people in the village, virtually nobody came around to check on her.

And 6 is an awful number @love.dad.but..
And I guess I don't know either whether mum would have wanted lots of people or not @Blodegg

When my dad died, I always remember my mum saying that loads of people would turn up just see how old he was... so my mum instructed vicar and funeral director not to mention his age all. I think there were a lot of disappointed people in the church that day 😌

And that's a great idea @canary, though I don't know if I have should do that; family are bugging me as to when the funeral will be.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
64,245
0
69
Dundee
I’ve attended several online funerals over the period of the pandemic. All have been streamed from the crematorium, with a link and password being emailed to me by the family prior to the day of the funeral. Whilst sad to see so few people there it was nice to be able to share in the service and hear the tributes being given to the deceased. Whilst not the same as being able to be there in person I was grateful to be able to participate in this way.

I think a celebration service is a lovely idea.
 

nick97

Registered User
Feb 16, 2020
58
0
Well, we er, ahem, have a lot of pensioners in this village @Spamar, and I don't know if they'd be able to log on to view it 😛😊

Though maybe I'm doing those people a disservice; it's just that my mum was terrible with technology 😊
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
64,245
0
69
Dundee
Sorry - my post crossed with yours! I understand the difficulties in terms of people being able to use the technology.

Having said that - I’m a pensioner!!👍
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
2,814
0
Hi @nick97, I agree that a memorial service later would be the way to go. A much loved member of my writing group died late last year. His family had the funeral streamed on-line so that those of us who weren't close family could at least virtually be there. There was also a memorial page where you could leave tributes and donate to his favourite charities. A quick look on-line seems to show there are quite a lot of places that do that.
 

nick97

Registered User
Feb 16, 2020
58
0
I wasn't slandering all pensioners I assure you, @Izzy !☺️

Thanks @Sarasa. So I've definitely decided on a memorial service I guess around late June... now I just don't know whether to have funeral in a week or two or just go the direct cremation route. This damn virus.
 

Susan11

Registered User
Nov 18, 2018
3,228
0
Hi Nick You might find that no matter how well people knew your Mum they might not want to put themselves at risk by mixing with up to 30 other people .
 

nick97

Registered User
Feb 16, 2020
58
0
That's a fair point @Susan11

And my cousin just text me saying that all the people who will be there would want to be there because they loved her, whether it's a big number or not.

Guess there are pros and cons to whatever I decide i.e a proper funeral next week or a direct cremation with service later. I guess I just wish it wasn't me who had to make these tough decisions 😌
 

love.dad.but..

Registered User
Jan 16, 2014
4,806
0
Kent
I read yesterday that Captain Tom's funeral will be 8 family only which is fitting for such a humble person and resists the calls for something much larger even if restrictions weren't in place. However what struck me as so sweet was daughter Hannah saying her dad had talked about his funeral and asked whether they need to be prepared for more attendees with more Victoria sponge!
 

Dimpsy

Registered User
Sep 2, 2019
1,750
0
My MiL died last May, churches were still closed for her funeral in early June.
She was buried in a family grave with an open grave-side service.
There was no limit on mourner's, I lost count at fifty, we were all socially distanced between graves.
MiL was a staunch Catholic, but the service was so perfect, and I'm sure how it would have been in day's gone by.
No razamatazz, no background music, no frills, nothing fancy.
It was a pure celebration of a lfe well lived and of a woman well loved.
The service ended and we went our separate ways.

It's what I would like (just not any time soon).