1. ChrisH

    ChrisH Registered User

    Apr 16, 2008
    281
    Devon, England
    Those of you who have to juggle long distance caring, work and family with visiting your loved ones like I do know how difficult it can be timing visits to coincide with appointments. Last weekend was earmarked for a visit to mum. I emailed her OT about something and mentioned I'd be going up and also said I'd be contacting her consultant's sec to see when her next appointment is due, knowing it was sometime in Nov. I got an email back - she'd organised an appointment for 4pm yesterday and said mum was also due for a financial review and she'd tried to get that on the same day but couldn't so would I be around last Friday. I was going up Friday anyway so that one wasn't a problem but Monday was a bit more difficult as I already had patients of my own booked in, and 4pm would mean I wouldn't get home till gone 9pm by the time I'd got her home and settled. (turned out to be 10.40 pm in the end) Anyhow, I managed to change all my appointments and duly toddled off 200 miles up the motorway early Fri morning.

    Financial review went off ok - looks like mum should be entitled to Pension Credit but I was warned there's a 5 month backlog but it will be backdated. If she gets it she won't have to pay Council Tax, but she will have to start paying for her daycare and homecare but this should be covered what she'd be getting instead.

    So far so good.

    Saturday morning a letter plops onto her doormat from the hospital (dated Thurs 6th). Yep, you've guessed it. They've changed her appointment to 9th Dec!!! The letter said it was because she now goes to daycare on Mondays. Yes she does, but it had already been arranged for me to pick her up at 3.30 (which is when she leaves anyway) and take her straight to her appointment. The new appointment is with a completely different consultant too. Needless to say I was livid.:mad: To make matters worse, I'd had to use hubby's car as mine is still in the garage (2 1/2 weeks now)which meant he and the boys couldn't do anything at the weekend (including the shopping)(we live in a village - no public transport at night and very little in the day)

    Monday morning we both overslept (hightly unusual for mum who seems to get up around 7am). I took her in a cup of tea at 7.50 and she was in a bit of a panic as she had to be ready to go to the daycentre by 9am. We just made it. And then we waited (me still in my pyjamas not daring to get in the shower just in case the driver turned up).

    Meanwhile I phoned the hospital and expressed my annoyance and asked why mum's consultant has changed. I was told they had a new one and mum had been shifted to his list and he only has a clinic on a Tuesday or Thursday which is of no use to me. The upshot is she's back with her old consultant and we have to wait till 19th Jan for a suitable appointment.

    At 9.40 we were still waiting so I phoned the centre. 'He's on his way' - they only had one driver as the other is on holiday. He eventually turned up at 10.20:eek: All my plans to have a good clearup while she was out went up in smoke. I had to go and buy her some warm clothes as her wardrobe seems to consist almost entirely of skimpy short sleeved blouses. The new fashion is to wear 3-4 on top of each other (but make sure they don't match and you wear them inside out please or you won't be in fashion:D). No warm nighties either. And as for underwear - a nice bra 2 sizes too big with rusty hooks and eyes that looks like it hasn't been washed in several weeks will do nicely, thank you!! I wonder where that one was hiding. Thank heavens for Primark:D Found some nice long sleeved tops in lovely colours; thought a camisole with built in bra would be the answer (nope, she couldn't get it on); couldn't find longsleeved nighties so she'll try pyjamas (but the trousers are too long and the elastic not tight enough so I'll have to alter them - then I bet she won't wear them).

    Ugh! - the list goes on and I'm rambling away as usual, and I've just seen the time. Sorry for the waffle - felt like a rant. I'll be back tomorrow (oops - later today). There were some amusing moments and I'll tell you about the daycare centre.

    Chris
     
  2. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,432
    Oh dear Chris - what a palaver. One thing I wanted to throw into the mix - if your mother has been diagnosed with dementia then she may well be entitled to a council tax rebate even without pension credit - her LA should have a form which would be signed by her consultant or her GP. Have a look at this http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/factsheet/414
     
  3. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    In my Local high street we have a Store called Bonmarche,donlt know if there one near you ? which do clothes for the more mature woman. I got mum some really warm long selves, long nightdresses. They also do very good elasticated trouser .
     
  4. ChrisH

    ChrisH Registered User

    Apr 16, 2008
    281
    Devon, England
    Hi Jennifer and Margarita
    Thanks for your replies. I have heard the council tax thing mentioned before and will look into it if she doesn't get the pension credit, though from what the assessor said she should qualify.
    I seem to remember seeing something in mum's wardrobe with a Bon Marche label and am desperately trying to remember where in the town the shop is. I know there isn't one where I live so I'll have to wait till I go up again next month. I think I'll take the pyjamas back now instead of altering them as I have a feeling she won't wear them.
    Chris
     
  5. Rhoda

    Rhoda Registered User

    Mar 15, 2007
    17
    West London
    Chris, you must be tearing your hair out - the Powers that be don't seem to realise that we plan our lives round their arrangements and then if they take it into their heads to make sudden changes our whole plan is thrown into disarray.

    Council Tax: my dad got my mum exempted with no problem and no help from any social worker etc. He also got Attendance Allowance for her - you need doctor's signature for that, but it is NOT means tested. You just have to prove that the person needs attendance/assistance, not necessarily that they are getting it.

    My thanks to Margarita for the Bon Marche idea. I live in the same borough as her but had not realised there was one locally. If you Google Bon Marche you will find that their website has a "find your local Store" section. I sympathise with you about your mother's wardrobe - I found this one of the difficult stages with my mum, never knowing what peculiar things she would be wearing, and opening drawers to find smelly garments well overdue for washing but hidden away, a sign of the desperate defensiveness of the person who is struggling.

    My thoughts and sympathy are with you.
     
  6. Rhoda

    Rhoda Registered User

    Mar 15, 2007
    17
    West London
    My apologies for the double posting. Firstly my whole post disappeared, so I typed it all again, submitted, then there were two, tried to edit, unsuccessful. Sorry about that, folks.
     
  7. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    Moderator note: I have deleted the duplicate post.
     
  8. ChrisH

    ChrisH Registered User

    Apr 16, 2008
    281
    Devon, England
    Hi Rhoda
    I managed to get mum Attendance Allowance with no trouble at all. Because she was still going to the shops on her own they deemed her capable of dealing with it herself so it gets paid straight into her account rather than me dealing with it. Her OT and support worker are trying to discourage her from going shopping alone as she does get rather muddled with money and would be easy to rip off. That happened in the summer when someone was selling stuff round her site (mobile home) and she paid them something like £30 for a few dishcloths, a pack of bacterial wipes and a pack of hankies probably bought from a £ shop for a couple of quid:eek:

    I might be able to get to a Bon Marche next week as there's one in a town near where I work.

    The smelly garments bit reminded me that I found 2 pairs of pants in the cupboard under the sink. I think she'd decided that instead of washing them she'd use them as cleaning cloths:D I do get a bit paranoid about the undies department as I worry she'll end up getting a UTI or something because I know she doesn't change them every day, but unfortunately at the moment she doesn't get help dressing in the morning. I'm not sure she'd accept it, though she is quite compliant with most of the help that's been offered so far, for which I am very grateful when I hear about some of the problems people on here have to cope with.

    Chris
     

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