• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can be found in our area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

Front lobe dementia

Pennystressedout

New member
Oct 23, 2020
4
Hi my father in law has frontal lobe dementia which to those who don’t know affects behaviour making it inappropriate. My mother in law helps to look after him at home and won’t consider a care home, I used to be a carer in community but have a four year old child and work in a&e I do what I can to help them. My father law as part of his dementia and obsessive compulsive behaviour has taken to Gambling on the horses at the bookies, at first he was stealing from his wife and selling things, she tried to stop him gambling but he would get aggressive so we felt it best that he was given small amounts of pocket money to bet and this kept him happy, however now he’s been gradually getting banned from the local betting shops, I went into one today to see why they would only serve him until 1pm and they say it’s because he’s trying to bet on races that have already been run after this time and they don’t have time to help as too busy, (basically I feel they can’t be bothered) there were only four people in there and it was the afternoon, I explained his situation.. also that by them stopping him he is now travelling further and further and is disappearing for longer which is a concern not only for his safety but also for COVID reasons. They didn’t seem that sympathetic and suggested I came back tomorrow to see the manager which I’m going to do. His wife can’t go with him to bet as she has copd and can’t walk far but especially at the moment and prone to chest infections. Anyone got any ideas ?
 

Cat27

Volunteer Moderator
Feb 27, 2015
11,719
Merseyside
Welcome to TP @Pennystressedout
That‘s so difficult for you all but you can’t really expect the betting shop to deal with your dad.
Could you look into hiring a companion to go there with him?
Please keep posting as you’ll get lots of support here.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
63,253
69
Dundee
Welcome from me too @Pennystressedout.

I’m sorry to hear about your dad and the problems he’s facing. I have to say I agree with Cat though. It’s not really realistic to expect the betting shop to help your dad. I’m sure they could be sympathetic in their dealings with him but that’s about all. I think the idea of having a companion/befriended to go with him is the best option.

I know it will be difficult during these Covid times to find one but this is the link to the Society’s service -


There’s also a search box in that link to help you find services nearby. Of course with the current situation they may not be operating.

I’m glad you’ve found the forum. I know you will get lots of help and support here.
 

Weasell

Registered User
Oct 21, 2019
760
I would consider removing all his coats except one and sewing a tracker into the lining of that one.
I would instantly get call blocker installed on the phone, as he is vulnerable to scams.
If he has credit or debit cards ( hopefully not) I would make a note of the three digit code on the back then scratch it off.
i presume you have Power of attorney?
Make sure you are claiming attendance allowance as this could help pay for a companion.
I seem to remember a medication mentioned that was good for reckless behaviour? It might be worth an ask?
 

Pennystressedout

New member
Oct 23, 2020
4
Welcome to TP @Pennystressedout
That‘s so difficult for you all but you can’t really expect the betting shop to deal with your dad.
Could you look into hiring a companion to go there with him?
Please keep posting as you’ll get lots of support here.
No I did think that at as well and had crossed my mind about getting a carer to come twice a day and accompany him but didn’t know if that’s something they would be willing to do.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,946
South coast
No I did think that at as well and had crossed my mind about getting a carer to come twice a day and accompany him but didn’t know if that’s something they would be willing to do.
the care agency that we use would certainly do that, although I dont know if they all would. Try phoning a few and find out.
 

Pennystressedout

New member
Oct 23, 2020
4
I would consider removing all his coats except one and sewing a tracker into the lining of that one.
I would instantly get call blocker installed on the phone, as he is vulnerable to scams.
If he has credit or debit cards ( hopefully not) I would make a note of the three digit code on the back then scratch it off.
i presume you have Power of attorney?
Make sure you are claiming attendance allowance as this could help pay for a companion.
I seem to remember a medication mentioned that was good for reckless behaviour? It might be worth an ask?
He doesn’t have cards and only pocket money he’s given by my mother inlaw doesn’t use his phone, power of attorney believe it or not is worryingly not in place as mother inlaw spoke about it months ago and hasn’t done anything about it I’m trying to push for her to sort it and help her to if needed and appoint both her sons as I worry about what would happen if something happens to her in particular. He’s already on medication for all this as in the beginning he had an episode where he out their flat on the market with five agents and was saying he was moving back to Ireland (she’s from there he’s not) the tracker is a good idea though hadn’t thought of that . Re attendance allowance again she hasn’t done anything we’ve tried to encourage but she’s resistant it’s so frustrating
 

Weasell

Registered User
Oct 21, 2019
760
Your mother in law is not going to be capable of doing power of attorney !
my advice is pick one ( finance)
just print it off.
look at it, it’s isn’t too hard really.
my top tips, they use legal terms ‘proposer’ ect (This may not be correct ! ages since I did ours!)
write out a cast list like in a play dad=proposer
for every ‘ character’ then as you read it, it will make more sense!

When it comes to signing print out 5 sheets for signatures, that way when someone says ‘ I did it wrong’ , you look totally calm and say ‘ no problem’

neighbours are so much help here (if you remain friends with them.)
Age concern help some people fill in the attendance allowance forms ?
you have your hands full. I wish you well!
 

Pennystressedout

New member
Oct 23, 2020
4
Your mother in law is not going to be capable of doing power of attorney !
my advice is pick one ( finance)
just print it off.
look at it, it’s isn’t too hard really.
my top tips, they use legal terms ‘proposer’ ect (This may not be correct ! ages since I did ours!)
write out a cast list like in a play dad=proposer
for every ‘ character’ then as you read it, it will make more sense!

When it comes to signing print out 5 sheets for signatures, that way when someone says ‘ I did it wrong’ , you look totally calm and say ‘ no problem’

neighbours are so much help here (if you remain friends with them.)
Age concern help some people fill in the attendance allowance forms ?
you have your hands full. I wish you well!
I wasn’t expecting her to do it on her own but to phone a solicitor who would organise it with help from her sons(my husband and his brother ) thanks for the info appreciate it
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
2,035
Hi @Pennystressedout , when we did Power of Attorney for my mum we went through a solicitor. It was expensive but it meant mum went along with it and felt happier with the process. They have to originals and we had certified copies made to send to Banks etc. It's definitely getting this done while you still can, my sister in law is now going through the rigmarole of becoming a deputy for her mum as they family left it far too late to get POA sorted.
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
9,442
Yorkshire
hello @Pennystressedout
a warm welcome from me too

these links may be helpful

though, from what you write, your father-in-law may not yet qualify for the AA (it's not means tested but related to the level of support he needs) ... it's worth knowing what eligibility is as many don't apply until well after the person would have qualified
when AA is in place, contact the Local Authority to apply for a disregard of his council tax, so your m-i-l will be assessed as a single occupant