From Sinking to Drowning


Registered User
Apr 10, 2006
Hi everyone

Sorry i have not been in touch for a while, just feeling ................................... don't really know how i'm feeling, except very exhausted.

My last thread was about "The Pathway" which the doctors want to put Ray on, but i always believed that he had fought so hard that i could not take his fight away from him and i know him well enough to know that he would let go when he was ready, however, i received a phone call at 11am yesterday from the doctors at the hospital to say that Ray had deteriorated quite rapidly and i should get there as quick as i could.
Needless to say, i weaved through city centre traffic, i'm still not sure how i got there, but i did.

He could not breathe and was very distressed.

The consultant came to his bedside and asked if he could have a word, he said that his lungs were failing as well as other organs (due to the pneumonia) and that they were going to make him comfortable.

As things stand, they have stopped his food and stopped all antibiotics. I suppose this is the "Pathway"!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have held his hand since 11am yesterday (apart from nipping home for 10 minutes to get some clothes) and all i can do is wait for him to die!
Will he drown from the fluid in his lungs? Will he starve to death? How long will it take? I don't know, all i know is that he won't know much about it! I'm the only one who will know much about it.

Why is this is such i sh***y life.

He is still unconscious but clinging on, i'm just about to go back and spend another night waiting for him to die.

Thanks for listening
From a very sad Alex


Registered User
May 20, 2004
I am sure you are right and he will let go when he is ready. Stay strong Alex, you have been to hell this week but you will be coming back soon.

Kriss x


Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
It won't be long Alex - you have done brilliantly. You have been so strong for Ray.
Sending love and hugs.

Tender Face

Account Closed
Mar 14, 2006
NW England
If you weren't both physically and emotionally exhausted it would be of even more concern. Alex, what you have been going through and how you appear to be coping with it - even though you may sometimes feel you are not - is amazing.
(What's 'coping' anyway?)

Just because you obviously don't have the chance to post here so often doesn't mean you and Ray are forgotten. The support may be 'virtual' - the thoughts and prayers are not.

With love, Karen (TF)


Registered User
Mar 13, 2006
hi alex

ive been touched by your courage and determination through this awfull time my thoughts and prayers are with you both
take care x


Registered User
May 14, 2006
Dear Alex,
I've been thinking of you both and I wish there was something practical I could do to help you.
With best wishes

Nutty Nan

Registered User
Nov 2, 2003
God bless you, Alex and Ray!
You are both so amazingly tough, and I do hope you will have someone to lean on when eventually you don't have to be Ray's Rock any longer. Wish we could all really be there for you.