I’m sorry this is so long but I am flailing around trying to work out what to do for best. Is it too late to move my 94 year old father who has mid/late stage alzheimers and vascular dementia from his own home into a care home? I’ve found a good care home with a dementia/nursing care unit. It has links with an excellent local hospice and offers care all the way to the end. My fantasy is that there will be a seamless transition when I move my father there and all our problems will melt away. My fear is that the care will be no better than what he already receives at home and that the move will kill him off and I will feel guilty forever for wrenching him from his own home.
My father has bladder cancer, prostate issues, kidney disease and a blood disorder. He has reached his ‘ceiling of care’ for these conditions and is on the local palliative care register.
He still lives in his own house, with live in carers. We are self funding. I spend one day with him each week and I cover for the carers when they are on holiday. This has worked well for over two years – he has felt secure in the house he’s lived in for 40+ years and the carers have enjoyed the work and become very attached to my father. However this year his condition has nosedived and I am finding it hard to manage the situation. The carers are coping but I am feeling guilty as I sense that they are struggling. I certainly find my days with him difficult and draining. He groans and calls out all the time and tells us he wants to die. The carers are very loyal and say that they will stay with him until the end but I am not sure I should be asking them to do this and I do not trust the degree of help we will receive from the local palliative care team. Our experience has been that the nurse who is assigned to us has a huge caseload and is relieved that she can leave us to it.
What would you do?
My father has bladder cancer, prostate issues, kidney disease and a blood disorder. He has reached his ‘ceiling of care’ for these conditions and is on the local palliative care register.
He still lives in his own house, with live in carers. We are self funding. I spend one day with him each week and I cover for the carers when they are on holiday. This has worked well for over two years – he has felt secure in the house he’s lived in for 40+ years and the carers have enjoyed the work and become very attached to my father. However this year his condition has nosedived and I am finding it hard to manage the situation. The carers are coping but I am feeling guilty as I sense that they are struggling. I certainly find my days with him difficult and draining. He groans and calls out all the time and tells us he wants to die. The carers are very loyal and say that they will stay with him until the end but I am not sure I should be asking them to do this and I do not trust the degree of help we will receive from the local palliative care team. Our experience has been that the nurse who is assigned to us has a huge caseload and is relieved that she can leave us to it.
What would you do?