Hello fellow TPers
I haven't posted for a while but felt this an appropriate time to update those of you who might remember me!
I have been a long-distance carer for my mum (me Bristol: she Manchester) who was, after a year's wait, diagnosed with vascular dementia in March 2006. Mum coped (after a fashion) for several years on her own with me trailing my ageing car (and backside!) up and down the M5/M6 to try and bail out a boat that had begun to resemble the Titanic. Fast forward to December 2010. I arrived at mum's to be greeted by an ambulance. She was in it. Mum had had a stroke, quickly followed by a second in hospital.
I managed to get her out and bring her back to Bristol for Christmas. My gut feeling was that it would be the last Christmas we would spend together where she had any sense of understanding. People scoffed at my outlook. I am known for my disaster scenarios. However, I am also very close to my mum. I know her. Whilst she was in hospital and after, it was apparent that she would not be able to cope in her flat. (Three flights of stairs, no lift, blah, blah.) The strokes affected her mobility and increased her confusion. Cue respite care in the north west, whilst I researched care homes in Bristol.
At this point I would like to thank Bristolbelle for her help. Despite being in the midst of her own nightmare with trying to place her mum, she found time to send me a list of homes. Some were annotated with her comments. This saved me so much legwork. Thank you BB! Of course, my contact with her wouldn't have been possible without the Alzheimer's Society providing such a valuable resource as Talking Point. For that I am, and always will be, eternally grateful.
After a poignant few weeks that felt like years, I brought mum south on 7 February. She has been in care for two weeks now. Although I know she is not going to get better - in fact her admission has highlighted just how bad she is. A fact that she had managed to hide from some with her consummate acting and familiarity in her own flat. It is clear she needs 24 hour care. Somewhere she is fed. Somewhere she is helped with dressing. Somewhere she is safe.
It is, if this is the right word to use, a "luxury" to have her only 15-20 minutes drive from me after the toil of the past six years. As a carer I do feel slightly out on a limb at the moment trying to adjust, yet also trying to enjoy the limited lucid moments that mum and I have and will share. Today, she told me that she understood why she was in care. That she didn't want me to worry any more. That she loved me. As I see her disappear, I feel that it was her way of letting me know that I had done my best. And I have. Tomorrow I know she won't remember my visit.
And to all of you, who think you're being awful. Who feel guilty. Who sometimes don't think that you can feel anything, anymore, better times will come. I have been able to enjoy taking my mum out for a coffee! Yet this was something that sometimes (BC) before care, I felt was a drag because of the 400 mile round trip I endured just to get that latte, some laughter with my wonderful yet fragile mum and home again.
I would like to thank everyone who has, since I registered here in 2005, offered support, advice, words of comfort and laughs. Because there are times when I fear I would have gone bonkers with it all. Each of you who have contributed have all been burdened with your own problems. I am grateful for your compassion and thoughtfulness.
I know that mum is getting worse, but as I've said, for me having her closer to me, will, I'm sure make it that little bit easier to deal with.
I will post again when I have more news. For now, I am finding it incredibly difficult to adjust to the reduction of my carbon footprint between Bristol and Manchester. I wonder if there's a tax break in there somehwere?!
Lots of love, strength and patience to you all. Despite the footer at the edge of this message. Patience is still on my to do list! I'll never change.
xxx
I haven't posted for a while but felt this an appropriate time to update those of you who might remember me!
I have been a long-distance carer for my mum (me Bristol: she Manchester) who was, after a year's wait, diagnosed with vascular dementia in March 2006. Mum coped (after a fashion) for several years on her own with me trailing my ageing car (and backside!) up and down the M5/M6 to try and bail out a boat that had begun to resemble the Titanic. Fast forward to December 2010. I arrived at mum's to be greeted by an ambulance. She was in it. Mum had had a stroke, quickly followed by a second in hospital.
I managed to get her out and bring her back to Bristol for Christmas. My gut feeling was that it would be the last Christmas we would spend together where she had any sense of understanding. People scoffed at my outlook. I am known for my disaster scenarios. However, I am also very close to my mum. I know her. Whilst she was in hospital and after, it was apparent that she would not be able to cope in her flat. (Three flights of stairs, no lift, blah, blah.) The strokes affected her mobility and increased her confusion. Cue respite care in the north west, whilst I researched care homes in Bristol.
At this point I would like to thank Bristolbelle for her help. Despite being in the midst of her own nightmare with trying to place her mum, she found time to send me a list of homes. Some were annotated with her comments. This saved me so much legwork. Thank you BB! Of course, my contact with her wouldn't have been possible without the Alzheimer's Society providing such a valuable resource as Talking Point. For that I am, and always will be, eternally grateful.
After a poignant few weeks that felt like years, I brought mum south on 7 February. She has been in care for two weeks now. Although I know she is not going to get better - in fact her admission has highlighted just how bad she is. A fact that she had managed to hide from some with her consummate acting and familiarity in her own flat. It is clear she needs 24 hour care. Somewhere she is fed. Somewhere she is helped with dressing. Somewhere she is safe.
It is, if this is the right word to use, a "luxury" to have her only 15-20 minutes drive from me after the toil of the past six years. As a carer I do feel slightly out on a limb at the moment trying to adjust, yet also trying to enjoy the limited lucid moments that mum and I have and will share. Today, she told me that she understood why she was in care. That she didn't want me to worry any more. That she loved me. As I see her disappear, I feel that it was her way of letting me know that I had done my best. And I have. Tomorrow I know she won't remember my visit.
And to all of you, who think you're being awful. Who feel guilty. Who sometimes don't think that you can feel anything, anymore, better times will come. I have been able to enjoy taking my mum out for a coffee! Yet this was something that sometimes (BC) before care, I felt was a drag because of the 400 mile round trip I endured just to get that latte, some laughter with my wonderful yet fragile mum and home again.
I would like to thank everyone who has, since I registered here in 2005, offered support, advice, words of comfort and laughs. Because there are times when I fear I would have gone bonkers with it all. Each of you who have contributed have all been burdened with your own problems. I am grateful for your compassion and thoughtfulness.
I know that mum is getting worse, but as I've said, for me having her closer to me, will, I'm sure make it that little bit easier to deal with.
I will post again when I have more news. For now, I am finding it incredibly difficult to adjust to the reduction of my carbon footprint between Bristol and Manchester. I wonder if there's a tax break in there somehwere?!
Lots of love, strength and patience to you all. Despite the footer at the edge of this message. Patience is still on my to do list! I'll never change.
xxx