from hospital to carehome, not sure what to expect

[jen54]

Well, mum is bring discharged into the care home tomorrow.
Luckily the hospital sw has been good and has helped,recommending,and then phoning carehome and me,
I am still no clearer really on mum's assessments or physio, the care home went in this morning to assess mum,and said she would have to be on first floor where pwd need more help.
They cited the fact mum seemed fixated on mountains today..but seeing she grew up in wakes and played on the mountains ..
Mobility wise I have no clue, as I haven't seen her out of bed.
Instead of respite the care home said four weeks trail was a better idea as after that they or we could decide..also possibly she could have ground floor room if she seemed more capable or needed less help.
So have gone with that,
So many forms to fill,and stuff to sort.
I am praying she will be ok, i already asked if there could be a sign on the ensuite toilet door..after all,mum will not know its a toilet when on her own and its just a door same as the cupboard door next to it..
Also asked how far window opened..as it was open..i had visions of mum climbing out to escape ..feel worried,but at same time relieved she wont be going back to an empty house to fall again, she needs 24hr monitoring really
So tomorrow big day, i have hopes mum may ley them do her hair and be seen by s chiropodist as i couldn't keep on top of her feet and nails.
Plenty of visitors coming and going,so fingers crossed mum will be ok. I will be going in to take her bits and bed guard tomorrow.
it will be "temporary" to her, not sure what happens if it doesn't work out,
Had to pay in advance for the four weeks,so now need to sort DD..if she stays..
But with the respite they said the room would be retaken after the respite period,and they may not have another room to extend stay..
Time will tell.

 

[Kale-and-mash]

Hi jen54,
I wish you and your mum all the best in this time of change for both of you. I remember how I felt when mum moved into her care home - such a rollercoaster of emotions, and the uncertainty about the future is hard to deal with. I know it's really difficult, but I hope you can try not to worry about the future and instead focus on the present. I struggle with this myself, but it is good thing to try.
All the best,
Kale-and-mash

 

[Kikki21]

@jen54 - please ask the hospital sw about everything, you do have the right to know as your mum probably doesn’t remember anything as my mum doesn’t & it looks like she has been tested & examined a lot in hospital without anyone telling me what has been going on - I had to complain through PALS twice & finally had a meeting with her consultant & the ward manager today.

 

[love.dad.but..]

Firstly I hope the transfer goes smoothly tomorrow for you and your mum and is as calm as it can be. Fingers crossed. It will be quite an adjustment for you both emotionally so just take it one step at a time. The home no doubt would prefer to know from an early stage in the trial period that it would become permanent but don't let them push you into a decision sooner than you are ready and happy with your mum's care. First floor windows or even ground floor if in a secure dementia home...should have windows that only open a fraction it will be a safeguarding requirement for all vulnerable residents of a care home...so to give yourself peacecof mind check that for yourself tomorrow. Signing the toilet door and anything else is a good idea if your mum can still understand visual clues. Even though it may be for a few weeks over the next few days take in some familiar things for your mum to help her feel comforted..nothing valuable, sentimentality precious in case it goes missing or gets damaged. Copy photos and put a few frames around her room...there are threads on TP which give more detailed tips. She may well be more receptive to personal care from someone else. Her mobility may well have changed from her time in hospital and in bed. However prepare yourself that there may be some challenges or hiccups and take it a day at a time. Cross every bridge when you get to it. I hope it goes well tomorrow

 

[jen54]

Thankyou, I am thinking to go in late today,after mum has been settled a bit..awjward but I feel I will be milling around,or just in waiting are till mum I in situ..i dont want to add to the stress for her.
I want sure how much to take in to make her feel more at him, will play that by ear. She may still be bed bound..i haven't a clue. I hope I find some more out once she is discharged, luckily her gp surgery oversees the home,and the actual Dr who came out to see mum last time she fell.
I am surrounded by mums things waiting for labels to arrive
And wondering what else I need to take, I am worried the bed guard would go awol..and she has a pressure cushion I could take for the chair in the room..but we will see.
I expect the things she had in hospital w not make it to the home..her cardi had disappeared last visit..she has been moved from ward to ward..

 

[Pete R]

Just to say things like the bed guards and cushions should be for the home to organise and be used after a needs assessment and entered into the care plan.

 

[Beate]

Label all her clothes and belongings if you want to see them again!

 

[jen54]

Just to say things like the bed guards and cushions should be for the home to organise and be used after a needs assessment and entered into the care plan.

Yes,you are right...i need to let go a bit, I do feel as if I sm continuing trying to keep going on the looking after of mum,as you say the care home should sort such things..it is costing us enough for their expertise. I think I felt so responsible for mum for a long time and handing her over to someone elses care is a hard step for me.
For my own well bring I know I have to step back a bit, I feel drained and stressed, and what with the financial sorting out, its quite a lot to do at the same time as the sorry of this change
.

 

[DeMartin]

Thankyou, I am thinking to go in late today,after mum has been settled a bit..awjward but I feel I will be milling around,or just in waiting are till mum I in situ..i dont want to add to the stress for her.
I want sure how much to take in to make her feel more at him, will play that by ear. She may still be bed bound..i haven't a clue. I hope I find some more out once she is discharged, luckily her gp surgery oversees the home,and the actual Dr who came out to see mum last time she fell.
I am surrounded by mums things waiting for labels to arrive
And wondering what else I need to take, I am worried the bed guard would go awol..and she has a pressure cushion I could take for the chair in the room..but we will see.
I expect the things she had in hospital w not make it to the home..her cardi had disappeared last visit..she has been moved from ward to ward..

Time your visit for a meal, gives you a natural exit time,

 

[Pete R]

I think I felt so responsible for mum for a long time and handing her over to someone elses care is a hard step for me.

I had to do the same with Mom over 3 years ago and it still brings me to tears even though there was no other option.

I wish you all the best.

 

[jen54]

Well, mum is in her bed in her room at the carehome
As they said eleven oclock discharge,we went to the home at one forty five..she hadn't arrived, we went to her room and sorted stuff and got it ready,then I got a text saying she was on way, so timed well, she arrived ten minutes later, and after they gad sorted her out we could go in and sit and chat..instead of sorting out her things.
She is flat on her back still,no strength to sit up, in nappies with a sore bottom still
She was talking,but eyes shut..same set limited topic as when at her place..
Saying the room was nice but she was glad the carers had gone...carers would be the bug bear at her house..as she would be worse as its on her territory, so no win situation.
She did say she had chatted to a nice elderly lady on the way to get room...so fingers crossed, if she can get mobile..she has been given a zimmer frame. But she just seems so immobile,I saw the carer get ger back into bed after using the loo..and mum just flopped back onto the bed...
I should have filled in the inventory list..but tbh,the stuff we took in is old.
Will see about doing that next visit..i did mark sone older stuff with a marker pen..then just as I had loaded the car..the sew in labels arrived,so hastily sewed into newer stuff..so that went to mum too..fingers crossed..nothing valuable went, I expect I need to go again tomorrow as there are permission firms that mum has to be asked about,even I sign for her

 

[love.dad.but..]

So far so good...hopefully the first days days go well and continue from there.

 

[Amy in the US]

You can snap photos with your phone and then fill in an inventory at your convenience, with the photos as a reminder. You have a lot going on!

 

[Marcelle123]

Your Mum is bound to be tired and disoriented at first. It must be so draining for you, too.
Hope things work out well - very best wishes to you all. xx

 

[jen54]

Well,mum evidently has pneumonia..at a&e we were told she had a mild infection..in hospital ward just told chest infection..then the Friday before she cane out..she was medically fit to be discharged.
Monday went ok, we got to out things in room before she arrived,and were waiting fir her in the reception when ambulance people carried her in,waved and she perked up.
She didn't recall where she had been..or about fall, she was sleepy,and had a cough.
I pointed that out to carehome,saying she had a chest infection in hospital
Today district nurse went in, openly said dementia three times in front of mum, and about her staying permanently..
Then said she had pneumonia..
How did they discharge her with that..
Also said would get pads on prescription..none sent from hospital,and no mention of prescription on discharge..
I had told carehome mum doesn't like cereal..so they gave her porridge..which she hates..
So have written down likes and dislikes
Mum is miserable..saying she is in a locked room..
Wont use the zimmer..and she is supposed to be starting to move about evidently.
Sister us up house all the time,looking after cats..and throwing stuff out,and rummaging..zo I keep getting texts asking if she should throw out this or that..mums rollers etc..which really I can do without, I was a bit sharp with her,but tbh rummaging through house sorting stuff the day after mum went into hospital did my head in..its hard enough as it is.

 

[love.dad.but..]

Oh dear...so sorry that you are dealing with this when full of hope for the best. Have care home sat down with you completing any About Me information so that they have a clear idea of what your mum likes? Even If deemed to temporary they should still do that
If course even that isn't failsafe as she could change her mind or tastes change. The nurse ....hmm not surprised from my experience for dad. Your mum will no doubt need a lot of encouragement reminders and opportunity to move with zimmer from staff or physio...always difficult to try and get them back to where they were mobility wise before a hospital stay and some don't achieve it because of the dementia and lack of understanding and if she is still feeling unwell.

Sister...tell her to leave everything alone not to chuck or sort anything...your mum whilst hopefully permanent is in temporary placement and now is not the time to sort her stuff.
It will take a period of adjustment for your mum and you. It took dad nearly 5 months to accept bbbeing in his NH and then I think it was only because he declined beyond the point of understanding so accepted because of that...some go in on day one and settle straightaway.

 

[jen54]

Thankyou..
Yup, I feel angry at sister, for sure there is a lit of stuff up mums..but, if anything can be sorted..uts dads clothes and things .he died four years ago..
And my mums mums stuff and clothes..bit been touched for many years..
But my sister us seemingly clearing my mums stuff..
I keep getting calls saying shall I throw out mums rollers..etc
Just now a text saying she is going again tomorrow..she has been there all week..and is going to chuck out the bedding and stuff under mums bed..
I have said leave mums stuff and if anything sort out dads and nsns old clothes..it is wearing me down..on top of that,she visited mum today,and instead of raising any issues with them,has texted me a continuing list of things I should do..or say tomorrow when I visit, ..it is hard to not snap tbh,
Sorry to vent,but this is hard,and really the though of chucking mums stuff out within days is all too much on top of everything else

 

[Amy in the US]

If your sister can give you a list of things to do at the care home, then you can give her a list of things to do at the house!

Sorry, don't mean to be unkind and unhelpful.

You clearly sound overwhelmed by what's going on and no wonder. I think your response is understandable. I'm guessing your sister is having a different response and it's not making sense to you right now.

Maybe there are things your sister can do at the house that make sense to both of you: clear the garage, garden shed, clean the refrigerator of food that might spoil, sort the paperwork (but only throw out junk mail), that sort of thing? Things you could both agree on? It may be her way of helping or keeping busy or coping. Or she may just be clueless, I'm not sure which!

At the risk of sounding sympathetic with your sister, I will say that when my mother went into hospital a few years ago (sectioned), and I went to her home for some of her things, I had an immediate urge to start cleaning and clearing. My husband felt we should leave it all as it was. We compromised on clearing the fridge and the rubbish. The difference there was, my mother was a dementia hoarders, her home was a tip, and I knew she wasn't returning there. My husband didn't see it that way. I'm only mentioning this, to point out that there can be different reactions.

I do think it's shameful you didn't know about your mum's pneumonia before she was discharged. Sounds like communication with the hospital was not clear.

If you don't want the staff to mention dementia in front of your mother, tell them not to. Don't be shy about speaking up.

I hope you've had meetings with the staff and gotten most of the paperwork sorted out by now? There's always paperwork (not my favourite part).

I hope you can get some rest, get things taken care of for your mum, and not fall out with your sister. Very best wishes.

 

[DeMartin]

Some people cope by doing, *clear everything *. Can you redirect into “sorting”
Dads stuff, bedding, towels etc
Actually it’s important not to get rid of your mum’s stuff. PWD need to recognise items. Shoes my mum bought a year ago “not mine”, so the old, scruffy may be all she’ll recognise.
I want/wanted my mum to have the best, new stuff- “that’s not mine “
Keep more than you think, I have to unpack a few bags designated for charity, to rescue tatty pjs, new won’t do.

PS bedding/towel animal charity, rest, even if past it can be sold by charity as rags

 

[jen54]

Yes, I have said to start with dads stuff..i understand this is her way of coping,but it started the day mum was in hospital,and is seemingly relentless..
I don't want to fall out over it,but had though it was something we would do together,at a more leisurely pace..
As you say, mum doesn't recognise new things,so I try to but similar new things..
I just feel it is too early fir a mass chuck out or rummaging through mums stuff.
The wierd thing was,when I said could she clear the breadbin and fridge and sort the pantry..she forgot to do thst