From Hospital to a Home


Registered User
Mar 16, 2005
My Dad (82) has Alzheimers. He was in a nursing home just round the corner from my Mum (81), who could visit him every afternoon, doing jig-saws, taking him in some fruit, playing CD's and having a sing-song.

Then, after becoming aggressive, he had to go into hospital for an assessment. My Mum finds it difficult to travel to the hospital. He was stablised on different drugs after just over a week and at his review, the doctor said he was ok to go to a Home again. He has been in the hospital for over 5 weeks now and we are still waiting for Social Services and the NHS to decide who is to fund. Is this normal procedure?

It's not just my Dad being ill, it's my Mum's health suffering too and my sister and I also feel frustrated by, what seems, unnecessary delays. I'm not after sympathy but wish we could be kept informed by the 'authorities' a bit more and that they could organise themselves a bit quicker. Is our experience usual?


Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
Oh sweetheart, I wish I could wave a wand to make things more acceptable for you. I cannot say if this is normal, but just keep on plugging away, asking questions, until someone listens.

Hear at TP, there is always someone listening, just to make things more bearable.
Don't give up, regareds, Connie


Registered User
Mar 16, 2005
thank you

Thanks for the support. The Good News is that, (after my sister's rant at the Social Worker yesterday), my Dad is coming back today! :)

I have made up a set of rules that I think relatives should be issued with when the patient enters hospital I hope I'm not being too harsh or bitter but I find that if I can't get mad I get sarcastic! ;)

1) We will make sure that no one greets you warmly or offers any explanations about procedures during your relative's stay in hospital, unless asked.

2) We will endeavour to take away all of the patient’s clothes to 'be marked' and then to ensure that they are not returned during the patient's length of stay, giving the reassuring words; "they're at the laundry".

3) We will not tell you that a nurse can set the review date, leaving you to assume that it has to be the doctor, (who visits every day, (or is it only on Monday’s), except today when you have come in especially to see him, in which case he is in a meeting).

4) We will not tend, or even notice, the patient's physical ailments, e.g. toothache, toe nail fungus, unless you ask us.

5) We will also try to make sure that your relative is dressed in socks and slippers that are at least two sizes too small and consequently restrict the flow of blood, giving your relative swollen legs, which would not have been noticed if you had not pointed it out.

6) When the review takes place, the doctor will hopefully tell you that there is no reason why your relative should stay in hospital and should be in a nice Home. A representative from the Home will be absent and the Social Worker, who you have never seen or spoken to before, utters a couple of words and scribbles a few more.

7) After making you wait for a representative from the Home to visit your relative and okay his return, you will then be informed that Social Services now has to do a funding assessment, after they have returned from their holiday of course.

8) In the event of any unlikely complaint arising, we would ask you to fill in a form that we will then file in the same place as your relative’s clothes


Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
near London
Excellent list, to which I would add:

9) If your relative doesn't need incontinence pads when they arrive, they sure will when they leave. [we also can't guarantee they will even be able to walk unaided]

10) Your relative may become damaged while in hospital and your challenge is to spot where, when and how and to bring it to our attention.

11) Incontinence pads will be changed as infrequently as possible, or when you spot that a change is needed and insist on it. Changing pads takes time and our nursing staff have other things to do.

12) We'll give it a go, looking at your relative to assess them or to identify a problem, but when it all gets to be a bit of a bore, we will tell you to remove them as they are bed blocking.

13) We don't really deal with dementia patients here so our staff do not know how best to cope with their needs.

14) If your relative with dementia is a problem, we will ask you to remove them to your home, as you are better able to cope, with all the resources you have.

15) When we move your relative out to a care home, we won't tell the extent of the care needs otherwise the care home might refuse them.

16) As we move your relative out to a care home - or your home, we will immediately fill their bed so they can't be returned.
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Registered User
Aug 18, 2003
east sussex
oh how true!!!!
sorry can't add to the extensive list, but true to the word you have hit the nail on the head!!!!
love sue


Registered User
Dec 3, 2004

Have just read all the posts regarding hospital to home, I have just seen my husband's Consultant today and been told that he will never come home again and we must find an EMI Home for him as a normal nursing home are not qualified to deal with his aggression and condition, I am gutted I knew things were not good, but I did hope, maybe, but that has now been removed, and I wonder if I have the strength to fight all the things on your list, so far I have only dealt with the walking, incontinence.and oh of course his clothes.



Registered User
Oct 9, 2003
Birmingham Hades
One more
Do not treat the relative with any respect,do not address them as Mr/Mrs/Miss,but call them by their forename.
Without their consent greet them with "come on Charlie" "Hurry up Gert" or you could use "mother,Grand dad or me old fruit.
I fought long and hard,and won, in my area to ensure that all staff asked the patient what they would like to be called.
I regret that all areas are not the same
Norman :mad:


Registered User
May 20, 2004
Hi Doreen

take comfort from realising that the majority of the "rules" listed above are for hospitals rather than specialist units.

There are poor homes/units no doubt, but there are some very good ones with caring and well qualified/experienced staff. Sadly hospitals fall well short of any sort of acceptable standard in caring for dementia patients (in my opiniion anyway!)

Also, there are homes that do not deal just with EMI patients, they cover the range of care needed. However they are not easy to find and it may well depend on the level of agression as to whether they would accept him. We had problems as Aunty was wandering in hospital and not all homes are secure enough to cope.

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Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
near London
Thanks Kriss,

yes, I should have made it clear that I was talking about hospitals - in my case a specialist psychiatric one that is supposed to specialise in dementia cases!!!!!!

Jan's care home is wonderful, with sensible management and caring staff.


Registered User
Mar 16, 2005
That goes for my Dad's case too. When we took him back to the Home yesterday it was a lovely Spring Day, my Mum, my sister & I felt elated. Dad was back to his old jokey self saying "I feel like I've been in prison for 2 months". It was uncanny!

His home also has wonderful, caring staff who greeted him back with kisses and hugs and had his favourite salmon sandwich ready for his tea.

P.S. Needless to say his carrier bag of clothes sent back from the hospital/laundry was only half full!

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