Hi to all Yet again it has been many months since I last posted, if not longer. Dad (diagnosed 4 years ago aged 51) has been deteriorating rapidly over the last few months. I see him every month (I live a long way away and have a young family) and the changes are heartbreaking. He is now in a residential home, has trouble with continence and feeding himself, can't walk on his own, can't see/ has hallucinations and can't tell what is real and what is not. He can barely talk, and the phrases that do come out are borne of fear and frustration (e.g. I don't want to be here, I want to go back, I want to help you but I can't). He still knows who I am at the moment, but doesn't recognise other family members. I can no longer take my children to see him because (being girls) they scream and squeal a lot and he gets too distressed. Conversation is no longer possible, and the silence is unbearable. He is distressed most of the time and has the most haunted look in his eyes that I can't bring myself to look in them. I'm so angry at what this disease has done to him, and what it has taken from him, from me and from my family. He has been the most amazing dad and was a wonderful Grandad for a few years but now that's gone. We can no longer take him out for small trips out as he gets anxious if out of the home for more than a few minutes. When he gets home, he says he doesn't want to be there. He's on the maximum dose of medication so I know there's nowhere to go from here. My husband wants to find some way to make me feel better, but what can anyone do? I'm watching my dad being tortured by this and we've got no idea when it will stop. I was on a course about cancer a few weeks ago and said to the people there that (although it's also a dreadful disease) symptoms of cancer can (to an extent) be controlled, and you have some idea of prognosis. With dementia you can do very little to help, and this could go on for years yet. I can't think about that. I'm so sad about it at the moment that my memory and word finding have both gone kaput, leading to the obvious comment from someone at work 'oh no, the Alzheimer's is seting in early!'. The poor bloke got a bit of a mouthful back! As ever, I don't expect an answer because there's nothing that anyone can say; we all know how hideous it is, and how heartbreaking the changes are. Thanks for listening anyway, and hope today is a good one for all of you. Take care, Kate x.