Friendship - yeah right!

[May]

Oh Kate, Thank goodness for true friends, we certainly find out who they are don't we? I personally decided a long time ago that friendship is a two way street you have to give and receive.
I wouldn't dignify this person's response with any contact, I'm a firm believer in (as Jude said) 'what goes around comes around'!
Take care and sending hugs to you.

 

[ishard]

I had exactly the same happen to me when I had to retire early to look after my mum.

My so called friends never called or asked how I was or if I fancied coming out with them.

Bear in mind here that my circle of friends are all nurses, as AM I.

One lovely 'friend' said 'If I wanted to be around people with those sorts of problems Id have trained as a mental health nurse'

Empathy??? I think not!!

 

[Margaret W]

To everyone,

Sorry, I'm going to go against the grain, but there ARE people out there who can't cope with illness. All those of us coping with might find in weak, infuriating or ignorant, but it is true. I is hard for us to understand. When WE have had to cope with our loved one, and THEY say they can't cope, we feel furious, have no respect for that person.

Well, I would say just ignore such people for the time being. Don't argue with them just say something like "It's a pity aren't able to help me at the moment", which is probably to truth. But don't write anyone off, you might need them later and they might have moved on to be more reliable.

Well, I am great at all this advice folks, and not, cos I am an only child, no cousins around, no-one else at all, so it is all down to me, and in some ways I am glad.

Best wishes

Margeret

 

[andrear]

HI there

Yes I do agree, there are a lot of people out there who really cannot deal with illnesses. But wouldn't it be better to be truthful about it in the first place?

I have certainly lost a number of friends since mum and dad became ill, actually mainly since I decided to tell my friends about dads dementia. Before I mentioned dads dementia, I was asked many a time how mum was getting along, but since dad well, they don't ask anymore.

A number of us girls used to get together every couple of months to celebrate birthdays etc. We always had a do at each others house and this has gone on for over 20 years, and yes I know that it still goes on because one of the 'girls' let it slip the other week. I'm the youngest out of us all and as it was my b'day the other week I rang round to see if we were getting together, funnily enough, everyone had something to do so I decided to let it be. Didn't even get a card from any of them so another set of friends down the line for me.

Love Andrea

 

[Skye]

A number of us girls used to get together every couple of months to celebrate birthdays etc. We always had a do at each others house and this has gone on for over 20 years, and yes I know that it still goes on because one of the 'girls' let it slip the other week. I'm the youngest out of us all and as it was my b'day the other week I rang round to see if we were getting together, funnily enough, everyone had something to do so I decided to let it be. Didn't even get a card from any of them so another set of friends down the line for me.

That's so sad, Andrea.

OK, they can't/don't want to cope with dementia, but that's no reason to exclude you from their circle.

I'm not sure where we go, post dementia. Many of us are going to be starting afresh, and that's not going to be easy.

Love and hugs,

 

[andrear]

HI Hazel

Well, I do know that when the time comes to finally move on with my life it certainly will be very different from the way it is now. Jon comes up to retiring in a couple of years and we plan on travelling much more than we are able to do at the moment. And as one of our sons lives abroad and has no intention of coming back here to work then we plan on visiting him wherever he is within the world. I am very much aware though that I am one of the lucky ones in that its my parents that are ill and not my partner.

I have to admit that when I first realised that my group of friends had indeed excluded me I felt angry because, we've all either had our 50/60th birthdays over the last couple of years and we have all put quite a bit of money towards presents, so rather than lots of smaller ones we would buy something that each individual would like, and yes I thought I'd been conned out of my money, not for them not giving me a present, but for not even bothering to send a card. Just one card would have been fine by me, but not even one. Thats when the reality really hit me that I am going to have to forget about my so called friends, but its their loss not mine.
Andrea

 

[Margaret W]

Kate

Don't be upset by the attitude of your "friends", do your own thing and turn to us lot for support. Course, we aren't able to offer you a cup of coffee, but myabe your "friends" will come round to it in time. Perhaps they are scared by the illness, some people are scared by any sort of illness. Give them time. Don't cut them off. Give them a ring now and again and let them know how things are. Yes, I know it should be them ringing you, but some people don't work that way. Just do it Kate. Bite your tongue, ask how THEY are, see how the conversation flows.

I don't believe in cutting anyone off, whatever they have done, they usually have a reason, usually irrational fear. Stick in there, don't ignore them. But don't be upset either if they don't respond as you would like.

Never burn boats.

Love

Margaret

 

[mica123]

Hi,am so sorry u have been treated this way.i say that folk are ignorant of the importance of A/Z and Dementia to families and others who care for sufferers.but then again i can see their ignorance is challenged?and lets be forgiving of ourselves and others on this one.Non of us were born with the thought that one day we would have a loved one suffer from mental health problems.therfore we should accept that others are unaware of what families suffer.These "friends" if they are true will support you,once they hav had time to come to terms with the disease.They need time to convert,something u didn't have possibly?love mica