Frequent telephone calls

[Miss A]

I have posted this in another group, my Dad has mixed dementia, vascular and Alzheimer's, and in middle stages I wanted to through this out there to this group.

I just want to comfort my Dad, not push him away and certain not ignore him. What can I do to help?

Is anybody reading this had any experience with their loved ones calling then numerous times per day?

My Dad calls my house on average 12 times per day. He lives on his own. It starts at 8.30am. Often to ask things like 'what time is it', 'what day is it', 'my tablets haven't been dispensed from my machine yet' (even though he is an hour early), 'my tv won't work'. I could go on...

When he calls it seems that he is seeking approval all the time. For example he calls when his meals on wheels arrives and then calls again when he's eaten it 15 minutes later. Just to let somebody know he has eaten it. I work full time so it is my 82 year old Nan (who I live with) who is answering these calls. She has her own aliments and receiving confusing calls is causing stress and anxiety all round.

Any advice on how to prevent this/what to do would be appreciated. Is this something which you just have to put up with? A social worker has advised to ignore the calls sometimes?!! Thoughts?

I don't want to shut him out, it would just be nice to be called less. How can I comfort him?? Before when he can't get hold of me or my Nan he calls my neighbour.

Thanks xx

 

[KingB]

Hi MissA

I know what you mean about the seeking approval thing - I remember when my dad used to ring me just to tell me something unimportant, I guess its reassurance and maybe also a bit of loneliness. Luckily for me it was nothing like as often as your dad is calling you.
So, assuming you don't want to just ignore the calls, the only thing really is to be as positive and reassuring as you can but keep the calls short - "got to go dad - speak to you later".
In terms of protecting your nan from the stress - are you able to take short calls at work? Maybe you could divert the calls to a mobile somehow? Or have a dedicated dad mobile (if he would accept a different number, or if you could set it up on speed dial for him). If you can't take calls would he be satisfied with leaving you a voicemail message which you could ring back and respond to at a convenient point?
Unfortunately it does sound like something you are going to have to put up with and get through - some things just don't seem to have any solution. He is very lucky to have you, I hope you manage to make things workable.

 

[turmoil]

Hi MissA

My Dad was the same, he lives alone has mixed dementia and other health issues. I have has years of continuing calls, it was common to get 22 calls on an evening. It got to the stage where I had to just let the phone ring, I have even unplugged it for days at a time.

I have to put my mobile on silent on a night as he would ring all hours, however about 3 week ago it all stopped, he seems to have lost the ability to use his phone, land line and mobile and it is a Doro mobile, please do not feel guilty about not taking all the calls, I would let my Dad leave messages and then I would listen to the latest message to make sure it was nothing serious.

I go over to him every dayand he even rung me when I was with him.

It is very hard I know, but it will stop and I found most of the time Dad did not realise I was intentially not answering his calls.

Turmoil