Found out Monday partner has dementia!

[Ipswich]

Comforting To Hear From You

Thank you for your words of comfort and support - they are so helpful and reassuring.
I really don't feel very strong at times, I just keep very busy and try not to think about the future.
I suggested Skype to my MOH when he first went away but he said that he wouldn't be able to stand seeing me but not be with me and so that has never happened. To be honest I don't know whether it would be possible to arrange given all the equipment he seems to have in his room - it's irrelevant anyway. I'm just thankful that he is still able to phone or text reasonably regularly. I still don't know how long it will be before his dementia reaches a stage when he won't remember to call me. He was given 18 months when he first went out there but that may have changed given all the medication he has had - I just don't know and I don't think they know either. Once it reaches this point they will look after him for as long as he needs to be looked after. It is so hard for me to think that somebody else will be caring for him at the end and not me - it is all so wrong.
EMac asks me what I want - I want the impossible, I want him home. I want to wake up and find that I am just having the most awful dream and to find him asleep next to me and lie and watch him sleeping like I used to - I would do anything for just 1 more night like that.
I feel that I should be grateful that he's spared me the grief of watching him slowly leave me but I really don't - I think that if I had that, I could come to terms with things better. The "normality" of our discussions and texting makes it all the harder to understand why he isn't here with me. Does that make sense?
It sounds like I'm moaning and I don't mean to, I just feel helpless and angry that this has happened. I do feel isolated at times because people don't know what to say to me because my situation is so extreme and different but I totally understand their predicament - I'm sure I would be the same. At least I have my TP friends to whinge to and poor out my thoughts occasionally - what would I do without you all?
Love and many thanks. Have a good Christmas

 

[stanleypj]

My heart goes out to you Ipswich. I am full of admiration for your bravery in dealing with this heart-rending situation in the only way that seems possible - by just carrying on. It is the sort of story that would make you cry if you read or saw a movie about it but to actually be living it....

Please keep on posting and telling your story if it helps you.

 

[pamann]

Hello Ipswich, ky hubby has just gone into a CH l see him everyday, l feel deverstated that we are seperated for 20hrs out of 24. I cannot imagine how you are feeling after so long, how much longer is it that your husband will be away from you? My heart goes out to you, l just don't know how you are coping, how long have you been married? Sorry to ask you so many questions, but it just amazes me that you are still surviving.

 

[Emac]

'I want the impossible, I want him home. I want to wake up and find that I am just having the most awful dream and to find him asleep next to me and lie and watch him sleeping like I used to - I would do anything for just 1 more night like that.
I feel that I should be grateful that he's spared me the grief of watching him slowly leave me but I really don't - I think that if I had that, I could come to terms with things better. The "normality" of our discussions and texting makes it all the harder to understand why he isn't here with me. Does that make sense?
It sounds like I'm moaning and I don't mean to, I just feel helpless and angry that this has happened'

Ipswich this is a very hard situation for you and you are absolutely not moaning. It is clear that you are struggling to accept your husbands decision as any of us would. Of course you want him home and when it comes to feelings there is no 'should'. Your feelings are your feelings and all of them are allowed, including feeling angry about this decision. Please would you think about going to your GP and asking for a referral to a counsellor? Being able to share all these upsetting feelings with a trained listener really does help reduce stress and upset and should help you find some peace. Wishing you well and keep posting if it helps xxxx

 

[lubyloo]

Thank you for your words of comfort and support - they are so helpful and reassuring.
I really don't feel very strong at times, I just keep very busy and try not to think about the future.
I suggested Skype to my MOH when he first went away but he said that he wouldn't be able to stand seeing me but not be with me and so that has never happened. To be honest I don't know whether it would be possible to arrange given all the equipment he seems to have in his room - it's irrelevant anyway. I'm just thankful that he is still able to phone or text reasonably regularly. I still don't know how long it will be before his dementia reaches a stage when he won't remember to call me. He was given 18 months when he first went out there but that may have changed given all the medication he has had - I just don't know and I don't think they know either. Once it reaches this point they will look after him for as long as he needs to be looked after. It is so hard for me to think that somebody else will be caring for him at the end and not me - it is all so wrong.
EMac asks me what I want - I want the impossible, I want him home. I want to wake up and find that I am just having the most awful dream and to find him asleep next to me and lie and watch him sleeping like I used to - I would do anything for just 1 more night like that.
I feel that I should be grateful that he's spared me the grief of watching him slowly leave me but I really don't - I think that if I had that, I could come to terms with things better. The "normality" of our discussions and texting makes it all the harder to understand why he isn't here with me. Does that make sense?
It sounds like I'm moaning and I don't mean to, I just feel helpless and angry that this has happened. I do feel isolated at times because people don't know what to say to me because my situation is so extreme and different but I totally understand their predicament - I'm sure I would be the same. At least I have my TP friends to whinge to and poor out my thoughts occasionally - what would I do without you all?
Love and many thanks. Have a good Christmas

Hi Ipswich have just read through all of your posts, all I can say is that you are BOTH suffering greatly, unfortunately this is what this vile, devastating disease does, I cannot even begin to imagine what you are feeling, it is bad enough being told that your OH has AD but to have to face is so alone without him is impossible to imagine. You must be a very special lady and he must love you so much to want to spare you seeing him deteriorate. Yes I feel angry that my OH has been diagnosed with this and keep trying to think of how it used to be and why can't is still be like that again altho he hasn't got that bad yet there is still a change and not looking forward to the future. You have my thoughts and do hope you can also have a decent Christmas.