Found all hidden money, do I mention it

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Kittycatsam, Jun 18, 2019.

  1. Kittycatsam

    Kittycatsam Registered User

    Jun 13, 2019
    16
    today while cleaning mothers bedroom I found £800 in all, for the last few months she has been accusing me of stealing all her money and hiding all her belongings, in order make her think she’s going mad, I have at least 30 notes written on different bits of paper left where ever she has been sitting, they really are horrible saying she is a being kept prisoner here, and someone please HELP. At my witts end, she is amazing when we are out it’s as soon as we get home.
     
  2. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,540
    Female
    London
    Mention it to whom, your mother? No point, she won't believe you and forget anyway. Just keep it safe for her. There are a lot of lost battles with dementia.
     
  3. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    9,623
    Female
    South coast
    Just put the money back where you found it and make a mental note to yourself.
    Next time she says that her money has been stolen help her to look for it - oh and you have just found it in her knicker drawer :cool:

    Get rid of the notes too. She is writing down her grievances to help her remember them - you dont want her to, do you? You will have to be sneaky, though, and remove them without her seeing you do it and get rid of them somewhere she wont find them (perhaps in public waste bins), otherwise your actions will simply confirm in her mind how nasty you are (otherwise, why would you do it?)
     
  4. annierich

    annierich Registered User

    Nov 11, 2015
    58
    I’m not sure it’s a good idea to put the money back where you found it. She’ll probably move it again and then you’ll have to look for it all over again. If I were you I’d put it in her bank account. That way it’s safe.
     
  5. Jaded'n'faded

    Jaded'n'faded Registered User

    Jan 23, 2019
    285
    Female
    High Peak
    First, congrats on finding the dosh!

    Tricky one this - you know your mum best. If there's a chance she might go looking in her hidey places and she finds the money gone she will probably just build that into her conspiracy theory about you stealing it.

    I think I would take the money and put it safely in the bank, but there's nothing to stop you replacing it with a little note of your own saying, for example, '£200, put in the bank for safe keeping, 18/6/19.' I don't know how many hidey places you found but you could put a note in each then if she remembers where she put some cash (or rediscovers a hiding place by accident) she will see it and may - may! - be pacified. If she then accuses you, you could follow it up by showing her a bank statement with the money paid in.

    There again, she may be too fixated with her 'people are stealing from me' delusion for anything to work... Good luck!

    As for the nasty notes, just remove and destroy. Nobody needs those.
     
  6. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    1,326
    Female
    Definitely destroy the notes. I not sure it matters what you do with the money - she won't remember it's in the house, and if you 'find it' for her on a later date she'll probably just think that proves you took it. I'd probably put it back in the bank.

    Don't tell her about any of it. It will feed her notions that it's 'you' taking the money then finding it again, and she may be alarmed by the notes.
     
  7. Sarasa

    Sarasa Registered User

    Apr 13, 2018
    362
    My mother took £500.00 out of the bank, she wasn't quite sure why, put it away safely and then couldn't remember where she'd put it. She assumed, as she always did when she lost anything, that the neighbours had taken it. When they refused to hand back the money she called the police. The police realised that no crime had taken place and didn't take matters further. Shortly afterwards mum found the money. I persuaded her to return it to the bank, which she did. Shortly afterwards she was still convinced the neighbours had taken her money. I'd just put it back in her account. No amount of reasoning could persuade my mother her neighbours weren't taking all her things and then bringing them back.
    I'm slowly going through my mother's flat clearing it out ahead of it being sold. I'd assumed I'd find stashes of hidden money by now, but not yet. She must have found some very good hiding places.
     

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