1. Our next Q&A session is on the topic of Christmas and dementia.This time we want our Q&A to involve our resident experts, you! Share tips and advice on navigating Christmas here in this thread.

    Pop by and post your questions or if you prefer you can email your question to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.
  1. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    I'm sorry you've experienced this - I'm just not sure how much the "friends" feature will ease situations like that.
  2. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    Hello all:

    Oh dear - part of me agrees with Helen as we all have some 'not such good friends' and that is where I feel the friend/contacts choice on 'blogs' is good.

    I am half considering a Blog - and when it comes to that I only want my friends /contacts to have sight of it. I am a little afraid of 'folk' lurking out there in the big wide web world.

    I hope this makes sense!!!

    Love Jan
  3. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    Jan - that makes perfect sense. Just be aware that you may get requests from people that you don't want to access your blog and then you will have to decide whether you grant their request because you don't want to be unfriendly, or whether to stick to your principles and possibly upset someone. I'm not saying there's a right way but it could be a source of stress.
  4. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    East Midlands
    I can understand that ..Helen...sorry to use you as an example..and it may be that I'm being thick...

    Can anyone explain to me how having a "friends" group will sort this out?

    Is PMing not the same thing..and less public?

    I don't want to make a big "thing" about this but do feel it warrants discussion.

    Love gigi xx
  5. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    Thanks Jennifer: I had not thought of that!!! - doesn't it get complicated. Its not that I want to upset normal members here but there may be some less welcome 'guests' we are less aware of.

  6. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    I just get the feeling now, looking around the 'Friends' that it can cause as much friction as the situation it eases.

    I have agreed to be friends with people who have asked. Hope this does not place me under any obligations. (You can tell I am a complete novice at this type of thing)

    However I feel sure that the board will settle down very soon, and it will be 'business as usual' on all the main forums.
  7. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    East Midlands
    Hello Connie

    This statement was a bit naive of me...as in life there are some we connect with more than others. And some we avoid.

    ...Which is what we're here for!

    Thankyou for putting the perspective back, Connie.

    Love gigi xx
  8. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    I`m not too happy with the Friends facility either or the Groups.

    I can understand the need for hobbies, pastimes and interest groups, but am not sure of the need to encourage social groups.

    Originally we were one Community. Now we could become a community splintered into groups.

    We are bound by the common denominator of dementia so it makes no difference what group we belong to.
    Dementia is not selective.

    I would like to feel we are all friends. There are always personality clashes in any community but the TP community is big enough to be able to accommodate differences. I have rubbed people up the wrong way and in turn have been offended by others. It`s easy enough to keep clear of people who are incompatible.....it happens in all walks of life and there`s no reason why it should not happen on TP.

    These are just my opinions, for what they`re worth. I feel the main Forum is still the best area to give and receive support.
  9. lesmisralbles

    lesmisralbles Account Closed

    Nov 23, 2007
    Hello Silvia

    feel the main Forum is still the best area to give and receive support.

    I agree

    Barb X
  10. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    East Midlands
    Thanks Sylvia...You've said exactly how I feel..but much better than I could ever say it!

    Love gigi xx
  11. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    NW England
    Hello Gigi and GrannieG and everyone who either is or isn't my friend!!!!! :D

    I confess I got an 'invite' to be someone's friend earlier (awwwwwwwww) and I was too polite to refuse ;)... then had to send a PM to ask exactly what it meant!!!! :eek:

    Early days, but I confess as someone who has only ever really used this forum (one other fleetingly years back)I am not very 'savvy' .... and Facebook and other 'social networking' sites frighten me ..... (paranoia is my middle name!) ... it's lovely when we 'happen' upon friends here (virtually or daring to trust to move on further) ... but I never saw that as the primary purpose of TP ....

    There's a couple of things I thought to post tonight ... but I am even confused now whether the subject belongs in a section of the Main Forum, the Tea Room, or even if it's potentially the start of a blog ....?

    :confused: As long as we're all confused together?

    Love, Karen, x
  12. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    I totally agree, the concept made me very uneasy from the start.

    As long as I heve been a member, there have been complaints about 'cliques' on the forum, some justified, others not. This is only going to make that situation worse.

    There are members I regard as friends, and I take great interest in their updates. Newcomers, I try to respond to and welcome -- some will become friends, others not. Of existing members, there are some who, while I would not regard them as friends, I find their posts interesting, and always read and often reply. Others I avoid!

    But that is just as in real life, and I am sure there are members who put me into one of those categories or another.:eek:

    None of us surely can expect to be friends with everyone we meet, but I think to divide ourselves into friendship groups is going to be upsetting for both old and new members.
  13. sue38

    sue38 Registered User

    Mar 6, 2007
    Wigan, Lancs

    I suppose it's a bit like facebook, where you ask people to be your 'friend' and then you can see what they're getting up to.

    But, on TP, unlike Facebook, you can look at the profile of people who aren't your 'friends', see who their 'friends' are, and even see conversations between 'friends'.

    I'm afraid I don't see the point of it, and agree it could be divisive.
  14. KatherineW

    KatherineW Volunteer Moderator

    Oct 2, 2007
    #34 KatherineW, Apr 9, 2009
    Last edited: Apr 9, 2009
    Hi everyone

    I’m sorry to hear that the ‘friends’ feature is causing concern. :(

    Said explained to me that the system we are using is all based on permissions, and friends - like contacts - are just a level in that permission system.

    As with all of the new features, no one has to use the friends feature if they don’t want to. You could simply ignore all friend requests, for example. (This would just mean that you wouldn't be able to do things like limit viewing of your blog to ‘friends only’).

    As several people have said, cliques exist everywhere, including on the internet. One of the aims of the software upgrade is in fact to make the main forum even less cliquey, by giving users the ability to have smaller friendship groups - using features like the blog and social groups.

    I hope that, as everyone gets used to the different features of the forum, some of these concerns will decrease, over time. We want you to be happy with your new-look TP. :)

  15. Helen33

    Helen33 Registered User

    Jul 20, 2008
    This is just another thought as I go along!!

    The friendship part of TP could meet another aspect of being a carer which is not necessarily about information and support in that sense. The needs of caring are so vast because we are all so different. Some people might find more benefit in just having a sense of belonging.

    I think my mindset is not really in the present but in the future. I foresee TP expanding immensely and I think the main forum on it's own might be inadequate to meet all these needs. I think it works as well as it does in most people feeling 'cared for' because actually it is quite manageable at the moment. It is small enough to manage this level of inclusion. Any place that really expands has to find ways to accommodate meeting people's needs for closeness.

    One of the ways that TP is so important to me is not that it provides such good advice and information but because it provides a sense of real belonging and caring.

    I am not saying that I am 'for the friends thing' but am just thinking it through out loud and talking to myself at the same time.:D Oooops maybe this should have been spoken to Screen:D

  16. said

    said Registered User

    Jul 4, 2006
    You can reject friend requests and the person who initiated the request will never know.

    It will just stay as pending for them, unless they cancel the request.
  17. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    East Midlands
    I've mulled this over...

    As a member of TP I have always been aware of "my friends"...this has been a natural progression over the time I've spent here.

    It may be that some members feel it necessary to declare who their friends are....and the site allows that ...and if that helps them to feel supported all to the good.

    Again I speak as a member...I've made a decision to ignore the "friends " part of TP...and hope this doesn't cause ill feeling anywhere.

    As a member..and soon to be volunteer moderator...:eek: please forgive me but I am about to delete all the friends I have in my "friends" page...:eek: But would like to say that you are all still friends...as you were before and will, hopefully, continue to be..and we'll continue to support each other in our journeys.

    It's an option as Said has stated...I choose not to use that option...

    Love gigi xx

    Love gigi xx
  18. Helen33

    Helen33 Registered User

    Jul 20, 2008
    Hi Gigi

    My mother always used to say to me "Unto thine own self be true" and I am glad to see that you are being able to do this:)

    Sending admiration and respect.

  19. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    East Midlands
    Thankyou Helen....:)

    Love gigi xx
  20. Sandy

    Sandy Registered User

    Mar 23, 2005
    Hi All,

    I'm with you gigi.

    One thing that perhaps Katherine and Said could help with is the default message on members' profiles when they have not accepted any friend requests.

    Currently it says "Member_name has not made any friends yet"

    (I've attached gigi's section as an example now that she's changed her status)

    I think that text is unhelpful. It would be better blank in my opinion.

    There is also a link entitled "Befriend Member_name" which I suppose is helpful if someone wants to invite that member to be their friend. The language is a bit creepy in my opinion, but not harmful.

    The funny thing is that as we have gone through this transition we are weighing up every change very carefully. New members joining in the future will just jump in and do what feels natural to them, and so they should.

    Take care,


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