Forgetting

[Mandillion]

Hello. This is my first post.
My FIL has dementia. The problem we have is every day he forgets we are on lockdown. We explain again about coronavirus and it puts him in a bad mood for the day, where he can be quite grumpy at my MIL.
I suggested putting up a sign explaining about the lockdown that he would see all the time and remind him. But my MIL thinks that will upset him. Any ideas how I can help?

 

[nae sporran]

Welcome to the forum, @Mandillion. I know how much this lockdown and the uncertainty is affecting everyone and my partner can't understand it either. For what it is worth, there is a thread around which gives tips on communication with people who have dementia or memory impairments and I hope some of it will help you.

https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/compassionate-communication-with-the-memory-impaired.30801 is the link. Good luck and keep in touch as there are many on here going through similar things.

 

[karaokePete]

Hello and welcome from me too @Mandillion.

When the lockdown started my wife, who has dementia, thought that every day was Sunday because it was so quiet. I got tired of giving the same explanation all day long, day after day, so I put explanatory notices in 3 good points in our lounge. It worked, mostly!

My wife isn't usually grumpy so I may have had more success than you will have with a notice but I'd give it a go with your FiL. If it doesn't work, or backfires, you could just take it down again and trust that he would soon forget that it was ever there.

The only downside is that notices have a very limited success rate at the best of times as they tend to get ignored.

 

[Mandillion]

Thank you. I will give that thread a go.

 

[Diane33]

Hello. This is my first post.
My FIL has dementia. The problem we have is every day he forgets we are on lockdown. We explain again about coronavirus and it puts him in a bad mood for the day, where he can be quite grumpy at my MIL.
I suggested putting up a sign explaining about the lockdown that he would see all the time and remind him. But my MIL thinks that will upset him. Any ideas how I can help?

 

[Diane33]

Hi I had the same situation with my mum and just straight forgot why she couldn’t go to the local cafe for her coffee. I have put up some simple posters explaining why she can’t go out on both off her outside doors explaining she can walk in the garden. I remind her off the notices it just saves me keep repeating the information lots. It’s definitely not easy and she was blaming me so have added the government says we can’t go out.

 

[Diane33]

Hello and welcome from me too @Mandillion.

When the lockdown started my wife, who has dementia, thought that every day was Sunday because it was so quiet. I got tired of giving the same explanation all day long, day after day, so I put explanatory notices in 3 good points in our lounge. It worked, mostly!

My wife isn't usually grumpy so I may have had more success than you will have with a notice but I'd give it a go with your FiL. If it doesn't work, or backfires, you could just take it down again and trust that he would soon forget that it was ever there.

The only downside is that notices have a very limited success rate at the best of times as they tend to get ignored.

 

[worriedson77]

Hi @Mandillion, I have had the same experience with my mum who I dont live with but really thought I was makingit up and getting a bit annoyed so I had set up a newspaper delivery for her and her routine has also seemingly incorporated turning on her radio so she seems to grasp it most of the time as the news is so full of it all of the time, when I was giving her the info she didnt seem to respond very well but when Dr Hilary Jones says the same thing she listens and takes on board much more readily!

 

[Mandillion]

Glad she is starting to believe people, even if they aren’t you.
I just feel bad for my mother-in-law as every morning he gets grumpy she won’t let him go out because of the virus.

 

[Mandillion]

Hi I had the same situation with my mum and just straight forgot why she couldn’t go to the local cafe for her coffee. I have put up some simple posters explaining why she can’t go out on both off her outside doors explaining she can walk in the garden. I remind her off the notices it just saves me keep repeating the information lots. It’s definitely not easy and she was blaming me so have added the government says we can’t go out.

Good idea putting that it is the government.

 

[Shedrech]

hi @Mandillion
a warm welcome from me too
is there another excuse, or set of excuses, that your father in law might accept, as it's tough on his wife to have to keep telling him something that causes a bad mood all day ... maybe something from his past life, eg saying the shops are closed for a bank holiday so they'll go tomorrow
are they shielding ... otherwise they can go out for a walk for exercise, maybe use that as a positive so the excuse is 'it'll be lovely to have our walk later, after xxxx, let's sit in the garden and listen to the birdsong for now'
suggest she doesn't say no at any point, rather 'YES AND .... we can have a cuppa right now and one of those lovely biscuits/watch that funny programme on TV, it's on now/do some weeding for a while' .... so she sounds positive, as though she's agreeing so hopefully he won't respond negatively when actually she's guiding him to an alternative

 

[Grannyal]

Hi my problem is my sister who lives on her own and thinks the orders to stay in are silly, I’m not allowed to go out on doctors orders , she will not accept shopping to be delivered and freaked out when given food parcel from community group. The manager of local shop has phoned me and said she is in the shop 2 or 3 times a day. he had to get police to take her home last week and they told her she shouldn’t go out, she says it’s only people over 70 who need to stay in , she is 72 and just laughs when reminded of this. She was out walking at least 5 times yesterday as she was spotted at different times by different people.

 

[tania123]

My sister and I care for my father, with dementia, as he lives alone. We have put notices up for him not to go out, but said the Doctor said so. We also had to hide his shoes and walking sticks, otherwise he kept trying to pop to the library or the supermarket!

 

[drawpete]

My wife has alzeimers and would be out all the time so I havel locked all outside doors .We have a good size garden and a summerhouse so she can walk round thr garden but still wants to go out for a walk . She has now got in the habit of keeping her pyjamas on all day now causes problems if we want to have our exercise walk as she will not get changed. You cannot win .

 

[Bunpoots]

I’m glad you’ve got a garden @drawpete. I’m stuck in with my daughters until Sunday as one had a covid like illness (on the mend now) so we’ve decided to have a picnic lunch in the garden to break the monotony. Would something like that work for your wife?

Also if she won’t get changed out of her pjs have you thought about getting her some leisurewear - comfy enough to wear in bed but not obviously nightwear. I used to have to lock dad’s front door or he would’ve been off. Luckily he had a nice garden and it did help - we had many a cup of coffee and lunch out there in summer.

 

[Saith]

Hey, my husband does not understand lock down or anything but all this got him very disturbed and he started to wee and spit all over the house and gave up sleeping both day and night so he is on a night sedation. When he drives me mad I take him for a drive and when we come home he has forgotten his own home. On our drive I show give a running commentary on trees, people and what not. Loosing it myself?

 

[bahnjoe]

Hey, my husband does not understand lock down or anything but all this got him very disturbed and he started to wee and spit all over the house and gave up sleeping both day and night so he is on a night sedation. When he drives me mad I take him for a drive and when we come home he has forgotten his own home. On our drive I show give a running commentary on trees, people and what not. Loosing it myself?

Hi,know how you feel.i get the same from my wife and an hour after getting home forgets she's been out and goes on about nothing to do etc