Flying with a person with dementia

[Torheb]

Hi,

Just wondering if anyone has any experience with flying on holiday with a dementia sufferer. My dad is taking my mum (she has dementia) on holiday after Christmas with my aunty and uncle. They haven't been away since she was diagnosed 3 years ago. They won't be flying with my aunt and uncle so i feel really worried. He really wants to go and could do with the break. I have booked their flights with Jet2 and have requested special assistance for my mum, they have confirmed this and have added that my dad will be allowed to stay with her and board with her. I worry that she will get scared on the flight as she gets stressed quite easily now, is there anything anyone can recommend to help calm her down or any suggestions of things i may not have thought of. I think i'm more worried than my dad and i'm sure they'll be fine i'll just be happy once they're their.

Thanks
Vicky

 

[Spamar]

How long is the flight?

 

[Raggedrobin]

I would have thought it might be a good idea to see the GP and get her some sort fo tranquiliser for the flights? A friend who suffers anxiety is given a mixture of something to calm her and on longer flights a sleeping pill, by the GP, to get her through it.

 

[Amy in the US]

You would want to test any medications before the flight, in case she has an adverse reaction or it makes her likely to fall.

Is she incontinent? Even if she's not, a set of spare clothes (and large plastic zip lock type bags) is probably a good idea, in case of accidental or spills. Also snacks, diversions, and wet wipes.

Airports can be disorienting and confusing, even without dementia. I'd assume that this will be the case and plan accordingly. I also wouldn't ever leave her unattended, not even for a moment.

And of course there is the issue of travel insurance. There have been previous threads here on TP about this. I certainly wouldn't go anywhere without it.


I know I've seen some advice somewhere about traveling with a PWD but am not where I can find and post links right now. Maybe others will know.

 

[Bod]

Don't do it!!
I would not even consider the idea of her flying.
You say she's easily stressed now, could your father cope if she became terrified in mid take-off?
Would she get on the plane to come home?
Sorry, but the time for her to go on holiday has passed. She will be reliant on routine, her home routine, anything outside that routine will stress her.

Bod
(Screaming hebegibies terrified, would cause an emergency landing, with all the costs that entails.)

 

[Shedrech]

hi Torheb
you've had a mixture of responses - only your family know how your mum is, and I guess the decision is down to your dad
I like to check things in advance, so I'd be trying a dry run ie on the same day of the week as is booked (though immediately after Christmas is likely to be really busy) have a rehearsal, doing everything the same as will be done on the day (except actually check in ...) that way you and your dad will see how your mum copes with at least that part of the journey - don't make a big thing of it, just treat it as a bit of a jaunt, not mentioning what you are doing to your mum so she doesn't become anxious about it
and I tend to expect the worst, so get prepared - have contingency plans for bailing out at any point so your dad isn't making it up on the spot in a crisis
I appreciate your dad very much wants a break - might it be worth looking into a respite stay for your mum, so she has a 'holiday' and is looked after, while your dad has his break knowing she is safe

PS this thread may be of interest
https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/traveling-with-dementia.105519/#post-1468822

 

[LadyA]

I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I'm with @Bod on this. I took my husband away for a night in a hotel two hours from home (two hours drive, no airports, flights etc involved) at one stage, as he had always loved travelling. I ended up having to phone the CPN from the hotel room, to see if she could calm him down and persuade him to leave the room and come home!!

 

[northumbrian_k]

My wife and I made it to USA after a 7 hour flight last year. It went OK mainly because my wife spent most of her time talking to the man next to her, so that I was able to relax. When we landed at Newark she asked the chap if he knew Newcastle at all - as if the whole 7 hours counted for nothing and we had arrived back where we started. It is hard to advise @Torheb as people are so different, other than to say be prepared for a great deal of confusion during the flight, on holiday and afterwards. For example, my wife always asks me when we are packing for the holiday after we have returned and usually imagines we are somewhere else entirely whilst we are away. We have not been on a flight since returning in June last year and I don't think that we will again.

 

[MaryH]

Someone in my support group travels with her PWD easily including flights but I think it depends on person and on if they are having a good or bad day.

Dad had issues even in town by undoing his seatbelt several times near home initially, then on a busy street fortunately not at a busy time. More recently when I was on the onramp to the highway and I freaked a little and hit the breaks since I was about 30 seconds to 65 miles a hour and someone rear ended me by following too close. I would never travel on a flight with my dad even before his stroke, not that he would agree to it.

 

[Duggies-girl]

I cannot imagine flying with my dad. He would get so confused at passport control and security. I would have to do everything for him and what if I needed to go to the loo. I would be in full panic mode in case he wandered off. I would have to get someone to watch him while I went and that is quiet a big ask however quick I was. Even worse, what if he wanted to go to the loo, some of these airport toilets have an entrance and an exit, which one would he come out of. No, no, no it could be horrendous. What if security ask him a question about his luggage.

I would have to fit a tracking device to him and all this before we even got on the plane. No I don't think I could cope.

Contemplating a short cruise as he keeps going on about it but I am still not sure.

 

[Raggedrobin]

I was at an airport once and there was an elderly man who I think had dementia and was travelling alone. He was well dressed but had an awful, awful hygiene problem He stunk of wee, that awful smell of dried old wee, I mean really badly. Clearly had a continence problem and didn't wash his clothes. He seemed to kind of know how to get onto the plane and stuff, he seemed like one of those people who lived abroad in Spain or somewhere and was used to doing that journey but the crew stuck him in a seat with no one around him and even then the smell was awful. It was lucky there were spare seats.

I had started to talk to him at the airport, until the smell got too much for me, which was how I came to think he had dementia. I wondered if he was an ex pat whose wife had perhaps died and he no longer knew how to look after himself. It is worrying to think there can be people out there who slip through the net of getting proper welfare care because they live abroad.
Sorry I have rambled off track. I think so much re flying would depend on the amount of dementia someone has. If they have been diagnosed early and it is still mainly just forgetfulness it may not create problems. I do agree however that airports and the whole thing could be very overwhelming. Good point re meds, to try them first before the flight.

 

[Amethyst59]

I cannot imagine flying with my dad. He would get so confused at passport control and security. I would have to do everything for him and what if I needed to go to the loo. I would be in full panic mode in case he wandered off. I would have to get someone to watch him while I went and that is quiet a big ask however quick I was. Even worse, what if he wanted to go to the loo, some of these airport toilets have an entrance and an exit, which one would he come out of. No, no, no it could be horrendous. What if security ask him a question about his luggage.

I would have to fit a tracking device to him and all this before we even got on the plane. No I don't think I could cope.

Contemplating a short cruise as he keeps going on about it but I am still not sure.

We had our first cruise last year and it was so successful that we are going again. We live close to Dover, so we were on board an hour after leaving home. Nothing like the hassle of an airport. The company we travelled with provide door to door service, so I didn’t have to make any arrangements with taxis. There were areas in the ship where I could leave my OH for a short while, and we soon made friends with other people. It really felt like a holiday for me too.
We did have one unfortunate incident involving a confused night time wee in the wrong place ...but the staff dealt with it, with no fuss or problem.
Our biggest problem was when we left the ship...he got panicky in case it went without us. We did a cruise through the fjords...so the days we could walk while keeping the ship in sight we had a walk...and the other days we stayed on board. I got exercise in the pool those days! And, of course, there were organised trips where there is no worry about being back on time, because staff are with you.

 

[Duggies-girl]

@Amethyst59

Thanks for that.

My dad did lots of cruises with mum when she was alive and I did one with him in 2017 up to the Arctic circle, it was fantastic and he loved it. I shared a cabin with my husband and dad had a cabin to himself. He was not so bad then but we did find we often swapped seats in the self service restaurant. If we go again it will be just me and dad and i will share with him. He is still not too bad, no wee problems yet, just forgets everything and worries constantly. He does like to stick very close when we are shopping, I think he is worried about getting lost.

He has been so many times with the same well known cruise line FO that he knows the ships inside out and being an ex seaman he loves being on board. We live in NW Kent so Dover is ideal but Southampton would be fine too.

He has talked about a no fly carribean cruise a few time but I am not sure that I could cope with that long so I have earmarked a short cruise to Ireland next year as a possibility.

 

[Torheb]

Sorry for the delayed response, it’s only a 2.5 hour flight and I think she will be fine as dad is so good at calming her down I just think I’m panicking as I won’t be there, they are having special assistance so they will be accompanied throughout the airport from check in to the plane, I don’t think she’s unwell enough for respite and it would upskittle her more than a holiday I reckon, she has no continence problems and her speech is fine - I would assume security would take her dementia into account - I’m hopeful for a good outcome as everywhere is getting more dementia friendly

 

[captainscarlet]

Hi torheb, i actually worked at birmingham airport within the special asssistance department. You should take all the assistance you can get ,to enable your journey through the terminal to be as trouble free as possible. Make sure they minimise their chance of having to be personally patted down , due to having something they shouldnt in their pockets etc. Make sure you explain to the people on the desk at assistance they are aware of the medical problems. You can get assistance onto the plane, normally one of the first on and last off the plane, .This all depends on where the plane is parked at the airport etc. As you maybe transferred separately to other passengers, rather than just walking onto the plane from terminal building.

 

[captainscarlet]

My other point being, you need to be aware that the change in surroundings may cause a reaction you are not used to, in the place they are staying at. Depending on the stage in the disease , it may cause an unprovoked outburst etc, which a friend of mine had when arriving at a villa they had been to for years. The carer initialled failed to cope with the violent episode and the holiday had to be finished 5 days early. This was just her experience, everyone is different...however people need to be aware of the benefits and downside of change of surroundings.

 

[Torheb]

Thank you - yes I explained to jet2 the problems and they have arranged for full assistance throughout the airport and to be first boarded and my dad will be able to stay with her throughout. I think if she won’t settle (I think she will) that me or one of my brothers can fly out and bring her home. The type of dementia she has hasn’t ever manifested with violent outbursts - I know there’s a first time for everything. My aunt is out there and she is really good with her - I just hope with everything that it goes smoothly.