1. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    NW England
    First, apologies for this rant. I've cried at some of the news coverage over the last few weeks and realise how many peole are in desperately worse situations than me - and how anyone with dementia/caring for a dementia sufferer might be coping if their home has been affected I can barely think ...

    Mum has been affected by the news coverage too - in that it has triggered memories of 60 years ago when she was affected by serious flooding in the NW - have managed to listen to her telling the tale several hundred times without losing too much patience! ;)

    A couple of weeks ago she started on about 'the tree'. Apparently the large tree in front of her house is responsible for the flooding on her driveway. :eek: It's the water coming off certain branches ...... (not what you'd really call flooding - just big puddles). Suggestions from myself and hubby that actually it was the rain that was the problem were dismissed ... and as the situation seemed harmless admit there was some amusement about her protestations. Then a couple of her neighbours mentioned it to me ... in concern because mum was becoming 'obsessional' , but they too with smiles on their faces.

    Well, admit I 'lost it' this morning .... have tried to be logical with mum (silly me!) explaining that she lives in a 'dip' and naturally her driveway will be the one to always collect the biggest puddles, that the reason it still looks wet under the tree is because the tree shades the sunlight on certain areas and hence the water doesn't evaporate as quickly .... there are puddles everywhere because the drainage systems just can't cope with the amount of rain ..... etc etc etc ..... that trees don't produce water, the clouds do .... and if she wants to chop the tree down it won't stop the rain falling .....:(

    When she announces: "I've rung the council and someone is coming out", mind flits between 'Gosh, it's a mean feat she has looked up a number and managed to dial it!' and 'OMG, would she really convince someone that a tree needs chopping down because of her misguided thinking?'

    I'm wondering now if neighbours mentioned this to me previously because they were concerned not only for mum but for a 'key feature' in their area (it IS a beautiful old tree!) .... I'm wondering what other inapproriate phone calls she might be managing to make ..... I'm wondering if it's worth a phone call myself to the local council????? But what to say? 'Ignore any calls from the lady at XYZ'??????

    I know the Police have a system whereby houses where incidents of domestic violence, for example, have been reported are 'flagged'....... is there anything I can do to protect mum - and all those who may be affected (including the tree! :rolleyes: ) by her making inappropriate calls?????

    Sorry for the long-winded rant ... but what started out as 'Oh, bless, she's really confused about this' seems to have raised a lot of issues ......

    Love, Karen, x
  2. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    Karen, would the council actually do anything about a tree that wasn't dangerous and was on private property? (Is it on private property?) I a) can't imagine that they would and b) i very much doubt that your mother manged to get through the levels of bureaucracy that she would need to have done even if they WOULD do something about it. I mean to say: do you think YOU could find the right peron in these circumstances? Also, of course, they are highly unlikely to take her word for it anyway. Now if they came out, looked at the situation, and decided the tree was a problem, then maybe, just maybe, they might do something about it. However, in that situation something would need to be done so not your mother's responsibility.

    Fortunately, my mother no longer watches TV, which is just as well since flooding has been a recurring part of her life (when she was growing up in Sussex, the sea regularly came over the sea wall and the entire family had to move upstairs for the duration).

  3. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    Oh those ierationel thoughts .

    My mother been watching it on the news

    Just so happen few days before we saw the film Titanic , so mum first thought when she saw the flooding on the new was to say

    Its like the film Titanic :rolleyes: :)
  4. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    NW England
    Thanks both ... 'the tree' is beyond mum's private boundaries and so would be the responsibility of the local council if it really were responsible for the rainfall :rolleyes:

    Methinks my biggest concern is that when 'man from the council' ever does turn up to assess her complaints - he will tell her - not so kindly as we have tried - that she's talking absolute rubbish!!!!! And following from that - who to be more concerned for at the subsequent reaction - him or mum?????? :eek:

    Love, Karen, x
  5. DickG

    DickG Registered User

    Feb 26, 2006
    Hi Karen

    Trees with a greater circumference than 3 inches (I think!) cannot be cut down without planning permission. Councils may order a tree to be cut down if it is a danger to life or property and in this neck of the woods it is very difficult to get permission to cut down mature healthy trees.

    Your concern about the attitude of 'man from the council' can be eased by a call to the planning department explaining the situation, they receive many calls such as that made by your mum and will be understanding.

    Re the floods - we are in the midst of the problem but being at an altitude of 600 feet it is not a problem to us. However many of our friends are affected and the situation is worse than reported in the media. What makes me so angry is that floods occur every year in this area and despite many reports and investigations over the past 33 years we have lived here governments have done nothing.

    I met a friend from Tewkesbury today and she has travelled 20 miles to get water and supplies and said that Tewkesbury stinks from sewer overflows - they are praying that we do not get hot weather!


  6. blue sea

    blue sea Registered User

    Aug 24, 2005
    Hi Karen
    Some good advice I had from a friend who had cared for her mother (who suffered from dementia) was 'Don't worry about what might happen, save you energy for dealing with what is happening'. As dad progressed through the stages of dementia this advice proved helpful, even if I didn't always follow it, being a born worrier!
    Blue sea
  7. paris07

    paris07 Registered User

    Jul 11, 2007
    #7 paris07, Jul 27, 2007
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2007
  8. Cate

    Cate Registered User

    Jul 2, 2006
    Newport, Gwent
    Hi Karen

    I totally sympathise, it is so very hard to keep your cool when all logic or reasoning goes out the window.

    We went through daily occurrences of problems such as yours. The absolute classic was: mum’s home was next to the river in Monmouth, fabulous views of a beautiful river, swans, ducks the lot. Beyond the river rolling meadows. A really tranquil scene. Did mum see this……………..no.:(

    What she saw was something akin to a scene out of the ant artic!!:eek: You see, “river water is colder than sea water, therefore freezes, and this can happen all year round”, so “this is the reason, to keep the cold out from the river, that I have to sellotape my curtains the walls, and put pegs down the middle” (permanently, even in summer time. So mum basically lived in something akin to a cave.

    However, having your curtains taped up, and pegged up, provided an advantage! You can use the bay window sill as a fridge, and store all your food instead of keeping it in the fridge, even in the summer. The upshot being, rancid food, rancid milk etc., etc. which mum would happily consume (when she remembered to eat). We were frantic about this, going in daily to throw out all sorts, only to be replaced as soon as we turned our backs.

    Karen no amount of persuasion, logical reasoning would shift her from her beliefs that she was right. My brother paid for and had installed super fantastic double glazing that would defy any drafts to dare come into her home…………. Not good enough, curtains taped are better.

    Thermometers placed on the windows sill to show searing heat in the summer, not good enough.

    Karen try to go with the flow, if it makes mum happy to ring the Council and complain (hats off to her for managing to do this), then so be it. It maybe an idea to ring the Council so that you can be there should they intend to call, but somehow I doubt they will. Lets just hope we have some fine weather, which will solve the problem of dripping trees for a while, and she may just forget about it.

    Love and hugs

    Cate xxxx
  9. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    #9 Margarita, Jul 27, 2007
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2007
    Oh what Good advice , thats why I love coming on TP , as thats just I need to read

    Just so like me ( My time taken up with worry ) then with living with my mother , who has always worring about what going to happen tomorrow, where she going planning , thinking what going to go wrong . even before she had AZ she was like that , so now with the AZ its like she has been magnified 1001 percent on this issue with worry

    I say to myself no wondering I am like that , I've pick up her habit .

    Yes I to have lost my temper with her , told her to stop it or she drive me Loca (Mad ) :rolleyes: , does she stop , only for a while

    Sure he won't , they not allowed to be rude , and if he/she was rude your mother will phone up and complain about it :D Good for her !

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