Fixed Beliefs and medication

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by marymary1898, Nov 27, 2015.

  1. marymary1898

    marymary1898 Registered User

    Hi All,
    Long time no see. But right now I need the benefit of your experince.
    Some time ago I posted about mam and her belief that dad was having an affair, (absolutely not true).
    This week everything blew up. My phone rang, I answered, no-one replied but I could hear mam and dad arguing. Shouting, screaming, threatening. Then the phone went was all about mam accusing dad of the affair.
    I rang back, mam asked me to pick her up so I did. She stayed at my house for a few days, refusing to see my dad or speak to him. My brother rang the memory clinic. A cpn and social worker got involved and now she is in a home for 2 weeks.

    The cpn mentioned "fixed beliefs" and the possibility of medication. She also said they had no record of this problem when I had taken aside the psych and nurse numerous times to tell them about it. Mam and dad are of that generation where private things are just that, private, and it is incredibly difficult to get either of them to talk about it. However this is the root of their difficulties at home.

    Anyway, I was wondering if anyone else had experience of this and how best to deal with it. Has medication helped?

    Sorry for the long post but any advice/experiences gratefully received.

  2. optocarol

    optocarol Registered User

    Nov 23, 2011
    Auckland, New Zealand
    Mary, can't help much but see you have had no replies. My OH certainly has fixations about various things, which i do my best to ignore or, if pushed, refuse to discuss. No experience of medication for such things.
    This doesn't help you much as this is your parents, not your spouse. Do you think your dad would be able to do this i.e. ignore or walk away if ignoring isn't getting anywhere?
    Hope others will respond soon.
  3. Ann Mac

    Ann Mac Registered User

    Oct 17, 2013
    Hi Mary,

    We've had recurring issues with my Mil being fixed in a belief that her son - my husband - is actually HER husband. Which meant she thought I was his 'fancy piece', I would get called some dreadful names (as would he) and she would get really angry about us 'carrying on' (as she put it) right in front of her. By that she meant if we did anything that gave any indication that we were a couple - if she caught us talking without involving her, if we sat together, if we called each other 'love', basically did any of the normal things that any couple would do :( She lives with us, and so going along with her beliefs just wasn't an option - added to which, she could get quite innapropriate in the things she would say to her son, and I really didn't want our 14 year old to hear that 'sort of thing'.

    That phase has now largely passed (fingers crossed) after several medication changes - though I also think that the advancement of the illness may have played a small role. Knowing how horrendous it is to deal with fixed beliefs like that, I'd say do give the meds a chance, because they can make a difference - but be prepared to it maybe taking some time to get the medication right.

    Good luck - I hope something works quickly for you alll xxxx
  4. MrsTerryN

    MrsTerryN Registered User

    Dec 17, 2012
    For at least 3 years before dad died mum was adamant that dad was having an affair . Over the time the details were amazing. Like you it wasn't true. Dad was housebound but did not have dementia.
    Dad died may 2014 . Mum went straight into care. Mum improved so much it was great. Mum and I discussed the sale of the house and gifting of the funds to me. (Our rules in Australia are slightly different mum is penalized for 5 years for the gifting ) .
    We discussed the money and how my son would have a wonderful head start with half of the money for his own mortgage.
    At the end of one of these discussions mum whispered to me (no one was there except her and i) "don't forget the baby , you knew your father had one with that woman?" I discussed it with her and said there is no way of locating the child as I am the only child listed on dad's death certificate. She was satisfied with information.
    It upset me. Mum was almost mum in our discussions at that time but she still, believed dad had an affair.
    That is how I find this disease so horrible. Mum was able to discuss decisions and input , but still had delusions and hallucinations.
    Mum has now over 18 months later deteriorated quite a bit.

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