First Xmas After Dad's Death

Discussion in 'After dementia — dealing with loss' started by MaNaAk, Dec 6, 2019.

  1. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    2,188
    Female
    East Midlands
    @MaNaAk it is the first Xmas without my mum. As you might know from my posts, it’s all been rather traumatic with the executor antics. My mum loved Xmas & as she was Polish, she tended to celebrate Xmas Eve rather than Xmas Day.
    The Polish tradition is to have a 13 course meal on Xmas Eve - Er I won’t be doing this but tradition was that the meal started with seeing the first star in the sky. When my mum was younger, she was totally obsessed with it all & maybe we never had the whole 13 courses either but she would stress herself & me out with the preparation of the courses she did serve & there was always far too much food to eat.
    As the years got on & my mum got older, there were less courses but still the same stress as then it fell to me to prep the meal ( and then do Xmas Day dinner too) but we gradually reduced what food we prepared. Now it seems that we would do anything to get that time back. White Christmas was on TV at the weekend & my mum loved the old films so even though I only caught the last hour of it, I did watch the film with nostalgia. I have felt my mum around me over the last few days & asked for a feather - as not had one for ages & lo & behold, I went to the Post Office the other day & right in my path as I was about to walk in to the shop, was a big feather. I took that as a definite sign! X
     
  2. MaNaAk

    MaNaAk Registered User

    Jun 19, 2016
    1,523
    Essex
    What a coincidence Kikki! Yes! I think that feather is your mum passing on a message to say she's at peace. Twenty years ago when my nana died mum, dad and I went to look for my great parents grave on a cloudy day and a Red Admiral butterfly appeared on a gravestone. Mum always believed that it was nana's butterfly and then a year after mum passed away in 2008 I saw a Brimstone Butterfly on buddleia in a built up area. My mum passed away for days before my birthday and this butterfly appeared near my birthday and her anniversary so I think that this was her butterfly. My mum,nana and I were all interested in wildlife and I specialised in butteflies. Dad was less interested in wildlife but he took us all over the country so that we could indulge in our interests.

    After mum passed away I felt she was still with us and looking over both myself and dad and it is only now that I feel that she is starting to leave me. Mum and dad are still in my dreams and I know that they are now together. I take great comfort with this eventough I miss them terribly.

    MaNaAk
     
  3. garfield3

    garfield3 Registered User

    Jun 30, 2018
    183
    Hello fellow journeymen,

    I’m in a similar position to you all. Hubby’s dad died 30th Dec last year. Mum died Oct just gone so we’re looking but not looking forward to Xmas. Great to be back home for a few days though. We’re going to the UK to see dad for about 10-12 days. Hubby and dad don’t get on especially well . I usually get caught in the middle keeping the peace. I know we’ll all try really hard. I’m trying to get hubby to go and see his family for a few days.

    Stressful times for all on here. I think there was a point to my post ,sorry. Was having a bit of a ramble!! Hope all of our Christmases go as well as they can.

    Take care xx.
     
  4. Daisy daisy

    Daisy daisy New member

    Dec 13, 2019
    1
    The last time I saw my Dad was on Christmas day last year, he had a lovely dinner, I cut his hair and smartened him up while my brother took Mum who has dementia to Chapel. So glad we had that one last Christmas. Obviously this year will be difficult, but we have a new Grandbaby to love, life moves on.
     
  5. MaNaAk

    MaNaAk Registered User

    Jun 19, 2016
    1,523
    Essex
    Thinking of you all at Xmas. Daisy,Daisy your new grandchild should make Xmas and my thoughts go out to you.

    MaNaAk
     
  6. Lawson58

    Lawson58 Registered User

    I posted earlier on this thread about what we did one Christmas following the death of a relative.

    And this Christmas we will be repeating the tradition as my ex husband passed away on 11th December.

    His death and funeral notices were in this morning's paper and I was reading through it I noticed another notice in the paper that was just so sad.

    The notice was for a husband and wife, one had died from cancer on 11th December and the other died the following day. They had been married for 62 years. Just awful for their family.
     
  7. MaNaAk

    MaNaAk Registered User

    Jun 19, 2016
    1,523
    Essex
    That is very sad Lawson but I am thinking of you as well.

    MaNaAk
     

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