first visit to dad in care home

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by rachels3185, Apr 3, 2008.

  1. rachels3185

    rachels3185 Registered User

    Dec 20, 2007
    7
    East Yorkshire
    Hi all, incase you read my last thread - I have now stopped crying ! I've been to see dad in the care home, and didn't quite know what to expect, he shed a few tears when he saw me and mum, not for long though. he kept trying to say, in his own way, that this is no good, he needed to go home, didin't want to be there, which I think we all expected but when push comes to shove it is still something you don't want to hear.

    I know he is in the right place and so does mum, she still feels lost and is wary that she now has to find things to do, previously her world revolved around dad's needs 24hours a day and now all of a sudden it doesn't. I suppose time is the only way to sort this out.

    My sister & mum went to see dad today and Sal said dad looked really well(!) and that made her (& mum) ask themselves if they had done the right thing. When does it feel right?

    Dad is extremely quiet with us all, his key worker in the home says he participates with activities, as best he can and he had been for a ride out yesterday (although when we mentioned it - he denied doing anything). When dad was at home, mum used to get the quite & the moods, and when "us kids" used to visit we used to get smiles and acknowledgment - now we don't, I think the roles have changed and the carers get the smiles and we are now classed as been the same as mum - I hope you know what I'm trying to say.

    Anyway in the grand scheme of things if saturday was a 0/10, then I think Thursday is a 2/10 - i guess thats good!

    Rach
     
  2. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland

    I think it's definitely good, Rach!:)

    Things will get better, and it's good that your dad is joining in the activities. The homes do make a special effort to get new residents involved, they're very good that way.

    Of course your dad wants to come home -- wouldn't you? But hopefully he'll get more and more involved over time. But be prepared for him to continue to give you a hard time for a while!

    I don't think you ever stop wondering whether you've done he right thing. I still wonder sometimes, even though John has no mobility and no balance. It's that old guilt monster again, and he never gives up on us!:eek:

    You're doing great, and I'm glad you're looking after your mum, it must be so hard for her.

    Hopefully the next visit will be 4/10!:)

    Love,
     
  3. BettyL

    BettyL Registered User

    Jan 20, 2008
    60
    Essex
    I know exactly what you mean Rachel. At the moment I get all the frowns and sniffs from mum in her care home whilst all the carers get the lovely smiles and kind words. My dad who is now wheelchair bound gets the welcome of a returning hero when I take him to visit mum, whilst I sometimes only merit a curt nod! Not always of course, sometimes I might get a bit of a smile.

    It all seems to go in a bit of a circle, so I bet your dad will soon settle. I can honestly say that occasionally I would rate a visit as 10/10 - which is lovely. I'm trying to go with the flow - it's really hard, especially when the 0/10 days pop up.

    Good luck for the future - hope your dad soon settles.

    Betty
     

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