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First visit to community mental health hospital tomorrow

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by DMac, Sep 21, 2015.

  1. DMac

    DMac Registered User

    Jul 18, 2015
    Surrey, UK
    Hi, I am after advice again, please! Tomorrow, I will take my mum-in-law to our local mental health day hospital for a first visit. This is an attempt to get a diagnosis for her. Last week, the hospital rang HER directly in an attempt to make an appointment. Unfortunately, due to her condition, she wasn't able to deal with the call. Fortunately, I was on hand to take the call and make the appointment.

    After the phone call, I explained what it was all about, and M-in-L got very tearful. I think it was the words "mental" and "hospital" that upset her so much. Earlier today, I reminded her that I was taking her for 'another medical appointment', but I admit I fudged the details. Blessedly, she has already forgotten about last week's phone call and conversation when the M and H words were used.

    Now, I do understand the need to be very tactful, and am rapidly becoming accustomed to telling "love lies". But what should I tell her when I come to collect her tomorrow morning? It's very difficult to describe this particular hospital in any other way! I feel that I have to be honest with her to some extent, but I do want to lessen the terrible pain she feels, as she is very much aware of her condition at this time.

    TP friends, your wisdom, guidance and compassion would be very much welcomed at this time - thank you.
  2. AlsoConfused

    AlsoConfused Registered User

    Sep 17, 2010
    You'll be seeing the doctor to help you with your memory?
    The doctors want to check you're on the right medicines - sometimes they need to be tweaked a bit?
    You're going for a check-up?
  3. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    #3 Margarita, Sep 22, 2015
    Last edited: Sep 22, 2015
    Our clinic in hammersmith Fulham

    is called Cognitive impairment and dementia - Hammersmith & Fulham

    Yes, it does come under the West London mental health, but it's not within a main stream hosptal who deal with people with mental health issue .

    Its within a section of part of a dementia nursing home

    understandable with mother in law getting tearfull so much stagma with the word
    "Metal health hospital"

    I would go with what AlsoConfused said .

    But then even the mention of the world "memory" would bring out a negative reaction in my mother .

    Just a thought you could say
    You would like to take her to clinic to see doctor to check over her Cognitive (or memory) ability,
    even thought its does come under the mental health it does not mean you have a mental illness
    So lifting up her self esteem, self worth .

    If you feel like leaving out mental health just leave those words out .
  4. Dimelza

    Dimelza Registered User

    May 28, 2013
    Dad hates any fuss and this includes Drs appointments and medication. I just say it's a check up/tablets now you're over 70(he's 72) to make sure you're ok and keep you healthy.

    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
  5. DMac

    DMac Registered User

    Jul 18, 2015
    Surrey, UK

    Thank you for your replies - I knew I could count on my virtual TP friends!

    AlsoConfused - I went with your second option. It was very plausible because she has so many pills, they almost don't fit in the blister packs - and I'm sure could do with a review! It did the trick and allowed me to get her to the clinic, anyway!

    The assessment itself was really difficult, to be honest. Mum-in-law started off well, but when the nurse started the memory test, she got flustered, then tearful, and in the end could not complete the test. But I understand that it had to be done, otherwise there would be nothing for the consultant to refer to. But it was really distressing to hear her say that she feels stupid, and may as well kill herself now.

    Fortunately, her mood improved after I got her home. I had pre-prepared a really nice lunch for her, which cheered her up. I also had a separate telephone chat with the nurse who assessed her, and was able to raise a few sensitive issues that I couldn't raise in front of her - e.g. not eating, not cooking, and signs of lack of personal hygiene. Thankfully, the nurse was really understanding and sympathetic.

    I have to admit I had a bit of a meltdown myself today. I hate what this damned disease is doing to my mum-in-law. I just hope the assessment process will be worthwhile, and that she gets access to the support she needs now.

    Thank you for reading this. Sorry to be so glum.

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