first time

[anniec]

Hi im new to this but could do with some of your knowledge. My mom is 68yrs old and was diagnosed with dementia last may. She also suffers with fibromiyalgia not sure if spelt right. At first when we told this news about mom I was with my dad and we couldn't believe what had just been said I straight away started to find info about dementia. Mom just thought she was going to be but away in a nut home we assured her that this was not going to happen and she would be stay at home. I have two other sisters but they live about 50min away so they aren't as close to home as I am so I see what my mom is like every day and what my dad has to cope with, times she would just stay in bed crying in pain and when she's like this her dementia is worse. moms doesn't do any think in the house any more my dad does it all cooking, washing ect. I have got a cleaner going in so my dad doesn't have to do it. That's when she repeats herself and doesn't understand why she's like this and why my dad hasn't got her out of bed.
At the moment i'm struggling because I don't think my dad has come to terms with moms condition and I keep telling dad that she needs to get up in the morning and go downstairs for her breakfast I no dad thinks he is doing his best but I think she needs a bit of a routine. (am I wrong should I back off ) I would like mom to go to some of the clubs that are around but mom has never been a mixer and has no friends. But all I want is the best for my mom and the way she is at the moment I think we will lose her quicker than I would like to.. Im sorry if ive gone on a bit but I don't know what to do Thanks

 

[Dagne]

Hi, just wanted to send some sympathy your way! Your Dad is entitled to a carer's assessment. It will probably be worth getting an assessment of your Mum's needs too. If she had carers coming in, this might give a better sense of a routine and take some of the pressure off your Dad. If she is staying in bed a lot either because of her own pain or your Dad's difficulty in coping, she will eventually be at greater risk of developing pressure sores and even of losing the mobility she has. Is she being seen by a District Nurse? Could they or the GP refer her to Physiotherapy for her fibromyalgia? Even if she is not keen on attending a day centre, this might be worth trying to get her to accept, to give her some routine and mobility, and to give your Dad a much-needed break. Good luck!

 

[Bythspirit]

My heart goes out to you Anniec, please try and get as much help as possible. My Mum always had problems with depression, and isolated herself in later years. The Dementia did not help, for years her constant refrain was that she just wanted to die. She had regular carers, but she would not eat and was in and out of Hospital with falls, finally she was transferred to a psychiatric ward. What I'm saying is that in this Ward they had a strict routine, ie: no staying in bed, eating meals regularly etc., being in Day room with other people. After a few months Mum was in a suitable state to go into a good CH, this was 3yrs ago and she's just had her 90th birthday. Sadly she no longer knows anyone, but is content enough.

 

[anniec]

Hi I would just like to thank you both for your comments. my dad is getting another appointment to ask some more question about the fibromyalgia as some one has told him she should be having physio but doctors are rubish they just say theres nothink they can do and you need to find the info out yourself.
Dad is the one that keeps saying he doesn't want anyone to come in so I my hands are tied its so hard to know what to do for the best.
Thanks again

 

[Bythspirit]

Blimey, do I understand right - a Doctor who actually wants you to look things up on the Internet to find out what can be done! I didn't think they liked patients to tell them their jobs! I can see that you've got so many different problems, and I wouldn't presume to advise, but in my experience nothing goes on forever - it wasn't great, but it took my Mum going into hospital 5 times in one year (falls) to make doctors and family realise help was needed.