First time mum and carer of relation suffering with VD and A welcomes advice

[RooRoo]

Hi, I'm about to have a baby (imminently) for the first time, i also remotely but reguarly care for / attend to most of the personal and emotional needs of a close relation who has no other family based anywhere close enough, or who are at all interested enough/ capable enough to be involved in any practical way. We have gov help re daily carers, but they can only do the bare minimum. In addition we have set up enough weekly social events/ stimulation to ensure our relations mental and emotional survival whilst combating speed of decline. BUT in the birth of the child there will be none to continue routine out of bed/ out of the house varied but routine social engagements to keep the speed of deterioration at a manageable (ish) level. I am scared that during my necessary removal from direct care as i manage my own massive change in circumstance and inevitable exhaustion, (based on from any very short past absences of mine or break in established routine) that this (the VascD in particular) will spiral downwards at a rate i wont be able to later reverse or slow/ manage.
Therefore I desperately welcome any advice as to how HOW to cope/ manage a situation such as this. I myself am with supportive husband who is also hugely involved (but soon to be a first time dad too) but we have no family or actively practical friends anywhere near where we live. I am sure i am not alone in this experience, but maybe i am. Either way where do we all turn to when we have become the practical and emotional security blanket? We've daren't even been away on holiday for more than 2 weeks at the absolute most..in fact we've only done that length of time once deliberately! So taking a 6 week likely time out recovery/adjustment time.... :/ Anyway, looking forward to any wisedom.. thanks

 

[marionq]

IT sounds as if you have been putting as much into place as you can. A new baby is a massive change in your life and will make it impossible to do as much as you would wish for your relative. It is vital that social services know that you are no longer able to be on call and that they now have responsibility for this vulnerable adult. Email them so you are leaving a paper trail. Follow that up with a phone call giving the estimated birth date so they know they have to act now. This may lead to them putting in extra care or looking at a care home.

Hope all goes well with the birth. Try not to worry about things you can't change.