1. MistySister

    MistySister Registered User

    Dec 4, 2013
    3
    Hi,
    I'm new to TP. My Dad has Vascular Dementia and Alzheimers. He was diagnosed in 2010. Mum is his main carer. (They are both in their 70s.) My brother and his family live in the same town, but my sister and I live 400 miles away and often feel awful that we are not nearer to help, support and visit. One or both of us are trying to go down for a few days at least once a month. Dad attends a day centre for people with dementia 2 days a week and loves it there. We have seen a significant decline in his condition over the last 6 months and at his most recent assessment, we were told that he was depressed too. Mum is really struggling under the weight of all she has to deal with day to day but is very reluctant to accept help, much less ask for it! We finally persuaded her to book Dad in for a weeks' respite so she could attend a family event this last weekend. Travelling home from the weekend away, I got really upset thinking of my Dad in this strange care home not knowing anyone, not understanding why he is there or where his wife is. I worried too about Mum going back to an empty home and how she would deal with Dad not being there. I have seen suggestions on TP about sending cards to those in respite to let them know they're not forgotten but Mum doesn't think it would make a difference to Dad. Several people from their church have said they will visit him while he's in the home but it's the evenings I am concerned about, when Dad will be wanting to put his shoes and coat on, saying he ought to get home, etc. I just hate to think of him confused, upset and possibly angry because he doesn't understand what's happening. When he was first diagnosed he always used to say going into a home was the thing he most feared/dreaded. I'm sure many of you will have experience of this and I would welcome any comments and/or suggestions as to how to cope.
    MistySister
     
  2. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,680
    Female
    Scotland
    If your Dad enjoys daycare then there is a good chance he will accept the care home. It is all a balancing act trying to do right by other family members while keeping your Dad safe. It is important for your Mum as well as your father that you put a positive spin on this otherwise she will feel guilty and miserable.
     
  3. MistySister

    MistySister Registered User

    Dec 4, 2013
    3
    Thanks Marionq. I haven't said anything to Mum about my meltdown y'day. I rang her to let her know we were back home safely and to check she was ok last night and she seemed fine. I just hope and pray it will be a positive experience for both of them.
     
  4. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,880
    Suffolk
    Remember, in respite there are many staff who will keep your father occupied and busy, so the routine will be different. If he likes daycare, I'm sure he will like respite. My OH went in for a fortnight last year and loved it. In January he went again and also enjoyed it. Don't worry too much!
     
  5. MistySister

    MistySister Registered User

    Dec 4, 2013
    3
    Thank you Spamar. I'll try not to worry too much :)
     

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