Hello Everyone,
This morning I took my husband into respite care for 2 weeks. He is at stage 6 of mixed type dementia having been diagnosed 6 years ago. I am feeling an absolute heel. He looked so confused and subdued when I left him. Guess I just need some reassurance that I've done the right thing. I have been feeling at breaking point for some months after he has had 4 bad falls & constant getting up in the night to ostensibly pee. So I'm up & down like a yo yo & haven't had a proper nights sleep in months.
This is still one of the hardest things to do. It reminds me of that very first day at school, as an infant. Rather afraid and watching my mother walking away with a wave and feeling suddenly so very alone, amidst strangers - boys and girls - probably also feeling very much the same. But we cannot assume anything in an adult, especially when we are talking about dementia and so we have to wait and see. But respite usually comes about quite simply because you have no choice and that is a fact. You can go on and then enter a different world of angst, events and eventual deeply unpleasant 'emergency respite'. That was my own experience. So when we take our loved one into respite, albeit a short stay and as long as we have the assurance of proper care and continuity of care which has been our own role up until now, then we can at least find a degree of solace in both having some time to 'heal' after the pressures of care and also prepare for any outcome. Will he or she 'settle' into the respite? That will be the constant question and that is totally understandable.
I see both men and women coming into 'respite' with varied levels of dementia, subject to the causation (Alzheimer's, vascular etc.,) and one often wishes that one could tell the family members and carers that 'all is well'. Yes, there are moments which are unsettled and the new and strange environment is just that and requires getting used to. But when you have 24 hour care and that care is in place as it should be then the respite can certainly be a positive thing.
But it is quite clear and warrants respect, that the feeling initially of being an 'absolute heel' is not to be seen as anything but an expression of frustration and a degree of hurt which comes about because you literally need to make that move, combined with the utter frustration of having to do so, despite seeing the love one concerned looking 'lost' and removed from your direct care and touch, on admission. Just as long as one keeps a true perspective on this and understands the reasoning behind it, i.e. best interests, then the two weeks should not prove to be too stressful. You do not want to reach 'breaking point; owing to overwhelming events, so this move is really wise and in a way 'exploratory'. So now you wait and see how things turn out. You cannot do anything more.
