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First respite

highland girl

Registered User
Jul 30, 2017
143
Yorkshire
Hi, I have just taken my husband for a weeks respite care for the first time. I know there are lots of you out there who have gone through this, but I feel terrible. The guilt is overwhelming, a friend is taking me out for tea but all I want to do is sit and cry. I know I need this break as I reached breakdown point a couple of weeks ago. Please tell
me this will get easier. Xxx
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,117
Scotland
My husband has had three annual respites. As we walked through the door at the end of each one he had already forgotten he'd been there. He was wonderfully well looked after with lots of entertainment. Be strict with yourself about your need for rest and relaxation. Don't allow yourself to dwell on it. Get out and about. Do things you don't normally get the chance to do so you'll have good memories in the weeks to come.

Good wishes and tell us how it went.
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
7,000
Bristol
You need the time to yourself, I had the same mixed feelings when escaping to Exmoor both times, but your husband needs you relaxed and refreshed. Make the most of it.
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,462
Hi, I have just taken my husband for a weeks respite care for the first time. I know there are lots of you out there who have gone through this, but I feel terrible. The guilt is overwhelming, a friend is taking me out for tea but all I want to do is sit and cry. I know I need this break as I reached breakdown point a couple of weeks ago. Please tell
me this will get easier. Xxx
Sweetheart, I know, on here we know. I think a lot of what we call guilt is grief and grief is normal and will ease. I keep saying to myself grief is normal, grief is normal ... and it is. with love, Geraldine aka kindred.xxx
 

Sad Staffs

Registered User
Jun 26, 2018
677
Hi, I have just taken my husband for a weeks respite care for the first time. I know there are lots of you out there who have gone through this, but I feel terrible. The guilt is overwhelming, a friend is taking me out for tea but all I want to do is sit and cry. I know I need this break as I reached breakdown point a couple of weeks ago. Please tell
me this will get easier. Xxx
Hi @highland girl
I know exactly how you felt yesterday. I drove away from leaving my husband, I was almost hysterical, and parked in Sainsbury’s sobbing so much. I felt cruel and I really thought I had made the wrong decision to leave him there.
But he was well cared for, they fed him, dealt well with his incontinence and his many foibles!! And he WAS fine.
Please don’t feel guilty, I did to, but we need our own space, we need to be ourselves rather than a full time carer. You will all to soon be back caring for him.
This is your time. This is time for you to realise that you still have your own life. You spend every day being joined at the hip. For one short week this is about you.
I didn’t want to put him into care, but I have to admit that if I could afford it then I would do it again, because I don’t feel guilty at all now. I know it was a good thing for me. Please @highland girl you need this. It’s for your sanity and well being.
Ok, enough of a lecture!! Sending you much love, Barbara xx
 

highland girl

Registered User
Jul 30, 2017
143
Yorkshire
Thank you all for your lovely replies and advice. He’s not well today been vomiting which is unusual for him. They’re getting doctor out due to the colour of it. I’m resisting the temptation to go see him at the moment as they say he is ok in himself, luckily the home is nearby and it is his gp they use there. Manager going to ring me as soon as he’s seen doctor. I’m trying to remain positive. Love to all S x
 

Philbo

Registered User
Feb 28, 2017
827
Kent
Hi, I have just taken my husband for a weeks respite care for the first time. I know there are lots of you out there who have gone through this, but I feel terrible. The guilt is overwhelming, a friend is taking me out for tea but all I want to do is sit and cry. I know I need this break as I reached breakdown point a couple of weeks ago. Please tell
me this will get easier. Xxx

I had my first respite at the end of August, having taken the decision to go to Majorca with a mate and his wife to celebrate his 50th birthday. My wife was diagnosed with FTD in Jan 2014 and I was getting to the point where I really needed the break.

I was able to arrange for her to stay in the respite unit at the day centre she attends one day a week. It's run by the local NHS Mental Health Trust and funded by the LA. My wife is self funding but the stay was very reasonable (compared to other local private facilities).

I knew my wife would be well looked after, as the staff there rotate into the day centre, so she had familiar faces there. Even so, whilst I enjoyed the holiday greatly, I did feel sad that my wife should have been there too - it's the first time I've holidayed without her in 47 years of marriage.

I agree with Barbara, that this respite is very necessary and I have already booked a holiday next July with my 2 sons and grand kids.

Kind regards
Phil
 

Sad Staffs

Registered User
Jun 26, 2018
677
Thank you all for your lovely replies and advice. He’s not well today been vomiting which is unusual for him. They’re getting doctor out due to the colour of it. I’m resisting the temptation to go see him at the moment as they say he is ok in himself, luckily the home is nearby and it is his gp they use there. Manager going to ring me as soon as he’s seen doctor. I’m trying to remain positive. Love to all S x
Hi Shirley
Please let me know how he is. I know you are worried but his own GP who knows him is going to ensure it is not serious. I was advised by the care home not to visit. Other family and friends, yes. But they felt it would disturb him if I went and he would want to come home, defeating the object.
Thinking about you... love Barbara xx
 

highland girl

Registered User
Jul 30, 2017
143
Yorkshire
Hi All again thank you for your responses. Well respite not gone as planned, OH started vomiting with blood in it so ended up in hospital on Thursday. He is on antibiotics ideally they would like to put the camera down to check what is going on but with his problems are trying to avoid if at all possible. He has stopped vomiting so keeping a close watch and monitoring his blood levels regularly. I have been with him most of the time just coming home to sleep. I probably need to spend less time there but I hate leaving him. Hopefully they’ll get him fixed and I can have him back home. Respite.... well I’ll have another go after Christmas sometime when he’s well! Xxx
 

highland girl

Registered User
Jul 30, 2017
143
Yorkshire
Hi Shirley
Please let me know how he is. I know you are worried but his own GP who knows him is going to ensure it is not serious. I was advised by the care home not to visit. Other family and friends, yes. But they felt it would disturb him if I went and he would want to come home, defeating the object.
Thinking about you... love Barbara xx
Thanks Barbara hope you’re doing ok, I’ve not read your post since Thursday so hope OH moods are improving. it’s a difficult one when they are in respite whether to visit. Lots of love Shirley x
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,571
N Ireland
That's a great shame, never mind a worry.

I hope your OH improves and that you get some rest and another crack at respite sometime soon.
 

highland girl

Registered User
Jul 30, 2017
143
Yorkshire
That's a great shame, never mind a worry.

I hope your OH improves and that you get some rest and another crack at respite sometime soon.
@karaokePete , thank you OH still in hospital, spending most of my time there but at least when I am home I am “off duty” which helps especially in the night I can get some much needed sleep. I am finally going to do some Christmas shopping today before I visit, hopefully I may get into the Christmas mood a little. Best wishes to you. S x
 

Sad Staffs

Registered User
Jun 26, 2018
677
Hi @highland girl
Just thinking about you S, and wondering how things are?
When you get the chance, please let me know how your husband is, and how you are getting on.
Much love, Barbara xx
 

highland girl

Registered User
Jul 30, 2017
143
Yorkshire
Hi @highland girl
Just thinking about you S, and wondering how things are?
When you get the chance, please let me know how your husband is, and how you are getting on.
Much love, Barbara xx
@Sad Staffs hi Barbara sorry this the first time I have been on here in weeks. Sadly my OH never came out of hospital, they sorted his bleed on stomach out but he’d been off his feet for so long he couldn’t walk, then just started to go down hill. He passed away Thursday evening, he hadn’t drank or ate anything for over a week, not sure how he was hanging on, it was heartbreaking, I’m absolutely devastated. I hope things are reasonably ok with you. Love to all. Shirley xxx
 

Sad Staffs

Registered User
Jun 26, 2018
677
@Sad Staffs hi Barbara sorry this the first time I have been on here in weeks. Sadly my OH never came out of hospital, they sorted his bleed on stomach out but he’d been off his feet for so long he couldn’t walk, then just started to go down hill. He passed away Thursday evening, he hadn’t drank or ate anything for over a week, not sure how he was hanging on, it was heartbreaking, I’m absolutely devastated. I hope things are reasonably ok with you. Love to all. Shirley xxx
Oh Shirley, my heart is aching for you. I don’t know how to express how much my thoughts are with you. I would love to be there to support you, and to just give you a hug.
Please, please, keep in touch with me....
If you would ever like to email me or text, just let me know. I’m here for you...
With much love, Barbara xx