1. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    This afternoon , after work, I took my son with me to see ‘Grandma’ …. and take her ‘tea’

    She was animated and talkative but a bit ‘wild eyed’, delighted to see us both ….. but as were trying to leave (rather hastily I admit) she asks him directly ‘What on Earth would I do without her?’ …… (i.e. me) …. followed by ‘Shall we find out?’ … at which point I found myself in the grip of a frail old lady trying to strangle me … and being witnessed by my horrified son ......

    My throat has recovered - I have a lot more bulk than mum to be able to overpower her - but her grip was astounding ….. I’ve trotted out the ‘It’s not your Grandma it’s just the disease’ … but … but…. but…….

    What, if anything does this mean? What do I do?

    Karen,x
     
  2. Kathleen

    Kathleen Registered User

    Mar 12, 2005
    639
    West Sussex
    Karen, you poor thing, how awful for you and your son.

    I have no experience at all of anything like this all I can do is hope someone can give you an answer. Makes me cold just thinking about it.

    It may be the disease making this behaviour happen,but the effects on you are still the same.

    Kathleen
    x
     
  3. Cate

    Cate Registered User

    Jul 2, 2006
    1,370
    Newport, Gwent
    Hi Karen

    Oh wabbit that must have been dreadful for you and your son, dont know what to say really honey except maybe you should have a chat with mums doctor, seems to have been a shift in her behaviour. :(

    Can only equate this to the day an iron came wizzing past my left ear, as you say, where does the strength come from. Yes it is this awful disease, but its been said many times before, violence is violence. We had to make a decision about my little niece and nephew visiting mum (then 4 and 12 months). We seem to have come through that 'phase' of the disease, and onto the next one.

    Seriously I would have a chat to her doctor, dont wait until next time hey.

    Love
    Cate xxx
     
  4. Libby

    Libby Registered User

    May 20, 2006
    625
    North East
    Gosh Karen - how awful for you and your poor son - he mustn't have known what to do!

    Unfortunately, I've had no experience of this (although thankfully for me) - I would agree with Cate though - you definately need to speak to her doctor.

    Libs
     
  5. DickG

    DickG Registered User

    Feb 26, 2006
    558
    Stow-on-the-Wold
    #5 DickG, Apr 12, 2007
    Last edited: Apr 12, 2007
    Hi Karen

    What an awful experience. I am sure that it was a devastating experience for you but I cannot imagine what it did for your son. Unfortunately "violence is violence" but having said that if this is an isolated incident then it can be put to one side, if it happens again then...... I am not sure, it is beyond my experience.

    Why do I feel so useless when a dear friend is in need.

    Love

    Dick
     
  6. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,439
    Dear Karen,

    Not a lot to say really: it's all been said by others. I wonder if this behaviour is related to your mother having problems distinguishing fact from fancy. I would imagine having dementia must seem sometimes like being in a dream-like state, where your actions have no consequences. However, you obviously can't let this go without further investigation: fortunately (?) this time it was a frontal attack, but what might happen if she took you by suprise from behind with the proverbial blunt instrument? She may be frail, but a frying pan could do a lot of damage.

    Love

    Jennifer
     
  7. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #7 Margarita, Apr 12, 2007
    Last edited: Apr 12, 2007
    Sorry that does make me lol :) as I now have a vision in my imagination of karen mother running around the house with the flying pan ruing after Karen

    My Humour :rolleyes: Jokeing aside sorry :eek:



    Gosh Wendy what a shock that must have been for and your son , the only time that happen to me is when my mother was peeling a orange with a Knife and standing near my daughter and I, for some reason, she did not like us talking and nearly went for her with the Knife this happen 2 years ago also I always remember my mother untie in Gibraltar who had dementia when I was 12 , throwing a knight at me .

    yes sounds a good idea going to see your mother doctor , to see if he can give her some medication .

    My daughter keeps asking me of late, what would I do if nanny was to hit me now ? but its all stop , she just has a bad temper that is only show up when i wake her up to change at night , happen last night , then she says sorry I am a pest .

    I am not feeling sorry for her or excusing it, so I say that we all argue and become friends again. Other wise I would have the hump with her all night

    I am no way saying thinking about your situation in what your mother just done karen .

    just talking about my situation with my mother .

    But I must say Even thought you know it’s the disease that does not help , I bet your mother forgotten about it now ?
     
  8. angela.robinson

    angela.robinson Registered User

    Dec 27, 2004
    520
    HI KAREN
    Sorry to hear what you have gone through today and being with your son as well!!! i know your mum as not always been the sweetest , but this does sound like another step further into dementia. not sure how you can handle this . but it does need to be discussed with the doctors it may be that something will have to be given to calm her down, thats if she is not already on meds for this ,is she due a visit from dr moss soon .sorry not much help to you, but here to listen,any time.
    chin up chuck.
    angela.xx
     
  9. Libby

    Libby Registered User

    May 20, 2006
    625
    North East
    I know this is quite a serious subject, but Margarita you do make me laugh:D
    I now have this vision of your mum standing next to a knight in shining armour whilst peeling an orange!!

    Libs:)
     
  10. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    Oh sorry lol I new I had spell it wrong , but could not work it out
     
  11. Natashalou

    Natashalou Registered User

    Mar 22, 2007
    426
    london
    so sorry

    so sorry to hear what happened, and i guess for the future forewarned is forearmed and you will be on the alert for a future attack. My mum who had hardly ever raised her voice before went "beserk" when she was in hospital, threw a drinking glass at a glass panel and threatened to hit the staff.
    I was both amazed and horrified when I got a call at 1am to ask if this was typical behaviour for her!
    I could hear her screaming abuse in the background, words I never imagined she even knew!
    although she is very frail and on a zimmer frame i have never quite forgotten, and I always make sure either someone is in the room with me or at worst the door is open and Im sitting near it.
    As tragic as this is, we do need to stay safe and look after ourselves. I know I would never really be able to trust my mothers behaviour again.
     
  12. Grommit

    Grommit Registered User

    Apr 26, 2006
    2,127
    Doncaster
    Karen, how awful for you. Jean has had her violent moments but nothing as savage as that. It's usually kicking out and one can be aware of the kicks coming and get out of the way. I think the biggest p[roblem is trying to get folk to understand how a normally mild -mannered, homely, loving Mother and wife can suddenly turn into a total beast.
     
  13. Sunlight

    Sunlight Registered User

    Feb 12, 2007
    55
    I've been hit a couple of times and know frail old women can really pack a punch! It's very upsetting when it happens.
     
  14. Jilly88

    Jilly88 Registered User

    Aug 11, 2006
    39
    Margate, Kent.
    I've often wondered about the strength aspect too. A few days ago I was grabbed round my wrist with a grip of iron! I'm a strong person, yet it took ALL my strength to release the grip. How is this possible.... seeing as my Alzheimer's sufferer is almost 93! Where does this power come from???
     
  15. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    Now that is a question I have always wondered ?
     
  16. dmc

    dmc Registered User

    Mar 13, 2006
    1,157
    hiya karen,

    Gosh what a terrible thing to happen to you and in front of your son,
    dont really have any answers but just to let you know im thinking of you :)
    donna xxx
     
  17. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    16,110
    Toronto, Canada
    My poor girl

    Oh Karen, I really feel for you! As you know, my mother has been aggressive and sometimes physically violent for most of her disease. She has punched me, tried to scratch me & threatened me a number of times. The most memorable was when she grabbed a fork & said she was going to stab me in the guts. I calmly armwrestled the fork away from her & said "Not today".

    Definitely a chat with the doc is in order. Also, you will certainly be more alert around her in the future. The most frustrating thing to me is not being able to figure out what triggers an outburst. I can read my mother quite well now so she rarely connects - my bobbing & weaving would impress Muhammed Ali.

    If your mother has not been like this before, it probably will be a short-lived phase. Is it possible she has a UTI or something else physical bothering her? AD patients do respond so erratically sometimes.

    Meds may help but be careful. Is she on any anti-psychotics at this time? It's easy to say to medicate but if it doesn't work, it takes much longer for the meds to leave the system of an older person.

    I hope your son can take it in stride - it really is the disease but it's upsetting for everyone. How old is he? 12 or 13?

    Much love,
    Joanne
     
  18. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    'Twas ever thus!!!!! :rolleyes: :D

    Seriously, thanks for so many of you responding so quickly - still feel a bit tearful, shocked ... but yup - gotta keep going and even see whatever 'funny side' of this .... perhaps me and sonny could go in 'Starsky and Hutch' style next time ....?

    Frying pans at the ready all round, then ... bless all ... not trying to make light of a horrid horrid situation, but thanks for helping me start to see through to 'the other side' ....

    Docs for sure ..... she likes them - give her lots of attention!!!! ;)
     
  19. jan.

    jan. Registered User

    Apr 19, 2006
    405
    Cheshire, UK.
    #19 jan., Apr 12, 2007
    Last edited: Apr 14, 2007
    Was saddened to read of your dilemma Karen......Just wanted to say i`m thinking of you, ( it used to upset me when my dad kept kicking my little grand-daughter who used to live with me......she was only 3 at the time and i had to watch him like a hawk, i could never leave tham in the same room together....) All i can say, is that hopefully with time, this phase will pass, like it did with my dad. He still gets a wild look in his eyes, but no longer lashes out. Good luck at the doctors Donna, keep us posted. In the meantime....... sending you

    {{{{{{{{{{{{HUGE HUGS }}}}}}}}}}

    Love Jan. Xxx
     
  20. Tina

    Tina Registered User

    May 19, 2006
    420
    Dear Karen,
    only just caught up with your thread. So sorry this has happened. Don't really have any advice, the others have said it all. So just sending you and your lad a hug and hope it was a one-off.
    Thinking of you,
    love Tina
     

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