First mince pie marks six years on

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by northumbrian_k, Nov 19, 2019.

  1. northumbrian_k

    northumbrian_k Registered User

    Mar 2, 2017
    862
    Male
    Newcastle
    #1 northumbrian_k, Nov 19, 2019
    Last edited: Nov 19, 2019
    Last November I went to a local cafe with my wife. She spotted that mince pies were now available and, on his enquiry, said to the man behind the counter that she would like one warmed up and with a dollop of cream. It was one of those rare moments when she seemed almost lucid. I remembered because they are back in stock for Christmas and I had one yesterday

    I had a look back at my 'dementia diary' to see what we were doing in previous Novembers. Six years ago my wife kept phoning me at work with all sorts of jealous accusations. I came home one lunchtime to try to reason with her (I still tried to in those days). Our discussion that day (building upon what I had been considering for a while) led me to tell my somewhat astonished line manager that I was withdrawing my application for a promotion. I then heightened their astonishment by requesting early retirement within the following 6 months. Two big decisions in one really and, with hindsight, the best course of action in the circumstances.
     
  2. Pete1

    Pete1 Registered User

    Jul 16, 2019
    227
    Male
    Afternoon @northumbrian_k, it's the little things that bring those reminders. Yours sounds like a tough journey. I made similar choices declined a promotion and took a voluntary redundancy - like you I am pleased I did (and grateful I was able to) - no regrets (on that front anyway). All the best.
     
  3. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,898
    Female
    Scotland
    I wonder how many of us carers have done this. I took early retirement before John was diagnosed and because I just felt all was not right with him. In fact I manage fine on my reduced pension and we did have those years when we could still go good holidays. When I read some posts of people struggling financially on top of being s carer I do feel for them.
     
  4. White Rose

    White Rose Registered User

    Nov 4, 2018
    110
    I used to believe in all the 5 year/10 year plan, goal setting stuff but when something like dementia comes along it makes you realise how pointless all that stuff is and how important to live in the present and enjoy life because we have no idea what is in store for us that is going to derail all those plans and dreams. Carers give up so much to look after their loved ones.
     
  5. Starting on a journey

    Starting on a journey Registered User

    Jul 9, 2019
    49
    I retired early to look after mum. I don't regret it . My main concern is that if mum goes into residential care before I am 66, I will be a bit short financially until the retirement pension comes through as I took my works pension early.
    It bugs me a bit that there is no recognition by the state, of the number of skilled people who are out of the workforce looking after family with AD.
    I often ponder on the situation and wonder how much I am saving the NHS by looking after mum , because had she been in her own home I am sure she would have been in hospital many times.

    I was also deriding in my mind the carers allowance that I have applied for £66 per week, welcome but not even minimum wage . Then I thought of my sister in law, soon to be 70, still looking after her mum, because she is in receipt of retirement pension she gets diddly squat for looking after her mum. I just don't get it.

    Rant over...bed time
     
  6. Marnie63

    Marnie63 Registered User

    Dec 26, 2015
    1,609
    Hampshire
    Same here. But fate was on my side, kind of. I'd already decided to take voluntary redundancy, just a few years before mum was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia. If it had hit whilst I was still working, I would have just had to resign without a pay off. And fortunately I had a small private pension which I could take early, after mum's death (and when the household income became zero!).

    I was accosted outside B&Q this afternoon by Alzheimer's Research. A nice young couple, trying to get me to sign up for a couple of pounds a month. I'm afraid I told them that I already support the AS and could not help them as I had no job. I told them that dementia had taken my livelihood away, as well as my mother's life. It sounded a bit dramatic, but as I walked away, I realised it's true ...
     

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