1. Prague09

    Prague09 Registered User

    Jul 22, 2008
    174
    essex
    First christmas in 57 years without having a parent with me. We lost Mum Dec 2004 and Dad to dementia june 2009. I missed him so much this christmas and many memories came to the surface... especially the last few weeks of his life and the poor treament he recieved. I miss the caring of him...
    My brother was saying the same thing....most of the time everything is fine...then something comes along and triggers the tears to flow again.

    Good Wishes to you all.

    Prague.
     
  2. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    Dear Prague ... second for me this time, quiet, very relaxed but how I longed for the ‘military operations’ of old when we had mum (and previously dad) to care for .... it’s almost ironic what we miss? I do know what you mean about those ‘last memories’ .... 15 months on from losing mum I still tend to think of her in terms of what happened in the last few months (although some happier memories of previous times do creep in), whereas with dad, 10 years on, I think little of his last few days/weeks and more of him in younger days and with a smile not tears.

    I’m not sure that time actually heals, but it does seem to alter slightly the way we view things, perhaps?

    Sending you much love and best wishes for the New Year,
    Karen, x
     
  3. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,724
    Female
    Dundee
    Thinking of you. Izzy x
     
  4. maryw

    maryw Registered User

    Nov 16, 2008
    3,805
    Surrey
    Hi Prague,
    Have now lost both parents myself and equally have difficult memories of the last few weeks. Yes, missing the caring..... we were so ready for Christmas this year out of habit and then what? Nothing to do? I'm telling my friends I'm bored and they're laughing at me!! What, no incontinence pads to order, no medication checks over the holidays, no care rota to organise, no cards to write, no presents to wrap for all those who my Mum cared about, no cleaning up to do after the usual change of diet?? Only people on this forum would understand. We actually had Christmas lunch as Christmas lunch this year - so strange, is this what really happens?

    It's a huge change and your loss is more recent to mine so all your feelings are just totally normal.
    xx
     
  5. alfjess

    alfjess Registered User

    Jul 10, 2006
    1,213
    south lanarkshire
    Hi

    I do so understand.

    For years Mum and Dad spent Christmas with us and then when they had to be admitted to the care home, we then arranged our Christmas around visits to the care/homes (at one point Mum and Dad were in different homes)The year after last, Mum was in the psych ward of local hospital.
    Earlier this year Mum and Dad both passed on.

    This Christmas was very strange. No parents to keep happy and a few tears because, I didn't have them to keep happy

    Love
    Alfjessss
     
  6. lesmisralbles

    lesmisralbles Account Closed

    Nov 23, 2007
    5,543
    Sending love

    First Christmas for me also X

    Barb X
     
  7. florrie

    florrie Registered User

    Dec 23, 2009
    5
    devon
    first christmas

    Hi to all of you who have just found your way through the first christmas without a person you loved.
    Dad died in July and Christmas Day would have been his 75th birthday. Can't describe it but you can't run from it.

    One of Dad's favourite films was 'Oliver'. It was on during Christmas but I didn't watch, well not this year at least. I am smiling now as I remember Dad cavorting around the room like a baby elephant, (he was six foot tall) singing and dancing to Ohm pah pah. He would look at us with mock innocence while we all gave it up to the giggles.

    There are so many wonderful, positive and life affirming memories to hang on to. Try to smile through the tears.

    florrie
     
  8. gill@anchorage5

    gill@anchorage5 Registered User

    Apr 29, 2007
    211
    Southampton
    me too!

    Hello

    Just a line lending support from another TP'er who has also just gone through the first Christmas without a loved one.

    My lovely Dad, John passed away 8 weeks ago and I miss him so much.

    Mum & I got through Christmas with the help of my cousin and her husband, who invited us to stay with them during the "festive period".

    I feel relieved that Christmas is over - now bracing myself for New Year when I know that I will have to start "pulling myself together" and start looking for employment. I gave up work over 3 years ago to care for Dad full time - so it's a huge adjustment at the moment.

    Best wishes to all who have made it through this first Christmas - missing someone special.

    Gill x
     

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